How can a psychologist help me if I am unfaithful?

These are the strategies used by psychologists when helping those who are easily unfaithful.

Infidelity is behind many of the reasons why people come to a psychologist. Both in individualized sessions and in the attention to couples, the fact of breaking with the commitment on which the relationship is based is part of those elements that greatly deteriorate personal and affective relationships, and that can even leave emotional after-effects.

However, the focus is often placed solely on how either the victim of the infidelity (the person who has been deceived in his or her love relationship) or the relationship as a whole can overcome the infidelity, if there has not been a breakup. Here we are going to focus on how psychology works to help people with a tendency to infidelity.regardless of whether they are currently in a relationship or not.

What do we understand by infidelity?

Infidelity is the fact of to break the commitment of sexual and/or affective exclusivity in the framework of a loving relationship.. Each relationship establishes what is and what is not infidelity, but that does not mean that it cannot occur in polyamorous relationships. As a general rule, in practice, to be unfaithful implies either to maintain intimate sexual approaches with people outside the relationship, or to get involved in another love relationship breaking with the commitment of a previous relationship.

In other words, in most cases, it is established that it is not necessary to have sex or kiss in order for infidelity to occur (although as we have seen, this depends on the pact that exists between both parties).

Possible causes of infidelity

Infidelity is a complex psychological phenomenon in which personal characteristics and predispositions play a role, as well as the type of bond established with the other person in the couple's relationship and even the context in which both people live together. Of course, this does not mean that no one is responsible for committing or not committing infidelities, and much less that the person who has been unfaithful is responsible for what happened; however, it should be kept in mind that in the vast majority of cases there is not a single cause, but several causes and triggers combined.

Some of these common causes of infidelity are the following:

• Lack of communication in the sexual realm of the couple's relationship, leading to dissatisfaction.
• Poor conflict management: seeking infidelity as a method of "getting even", underestimating the damaging impact on the relationship.
• Tendency to self-deception: frequent in those who prefer to leave the meaning of "infidelity" open.
• Search for immediate satisfaction to alleviate certain forms of suffering.

As we have seen, infidelity infidelity does not always occur simply and plainly to enjoy to the fullest the opportunities for immediate sexual satisfaction that life offers. that life offers; there are cases in which the one who commits them suffers. But that does not mean that they are not turning their partner into a victim of infidelity, nor that it is a justified or even desirable behavior as a way of managing emotions.

On the other hand, the multi-causal nature of infidelity means that the best way to end this pattern of behavior is to go to a psychologist, since in this type of service the specific case is explored and the main causes of what is happening, which are unique to each person, are identified. However, beyond these kinds of psychological intervention programs, there are some strategies that in general can help those who have detected a predisposition to commit infidelities and are looking for ways to change in this aspect in order to be able to maintain functional and stable relationships.

How does psychology work to help people not to be unfaithful?

There are many techniques and strategies that are used by psychologists when intervening with people who are predisposed to be unfaithful.. These are some of the most important ones.

1. Detection of problematic thoughts

In the psychologist's office, they work to "train" people to quickly identify the ideas and thoughts that come to mind and that can precipitate the fact of falling into infidelity.. This involves familiarizing oneself with the forms of self-deception and knowing in advance the situations in which these temptations may appear.

2. Increasing the ability to enjoy sexuality with a partner

It is also possible to provide various strategies for enjoying sex within the couple's relationship, so that there is much less incentive to fall into infidelity.. This includes achieving a greater connection and attunement with the other person, improving communication and losing the fear of certain taboo subjects.

3. Improved social skills

Some people tend to be unfaithful because have few resources to connect with others outside the realm of sexuality..

If the person develops better social skills, they can be applied beyond the couple's relationship and will be able to establish viable medium- and long-term friendships, so that it will make less sense to use sequential sexual encounters to combat loneliness.

4. Emotion management and impulse control techniques.

Here are grouped several procedures to teach the person not to give in to his impulses (linked to the here and now) at the price of sacrificing his values and his medium and long-term goals. They have a lot to do with the modulation of the attentional focus and self-motivation..

Looking for professional psychological assistance?

If you want to overcome the problem of the tendency to be unfaithful, contact me; I am an expert psychologist in cognitive-behavioral psychology, a very effective intervention model to help people change their patterns of behavior and management of their emotions and impulses. I offer sessions both in person at my office in Madrid and online via video call.