How can we manage childhood tantrums?

Some education and parenting tips on how to deal with childhood tantrums.

Surely this situation is familiar to you: a father who goes to pick up his daughter from school and when passing in front of a kiosk asks her disconsolately to buy a chocolate bar. The father, who, as he knows, has a snack waiting for her at home, tells her he can't buy it for her.

That is when the daughter realizes that her search for the chocolate bar is being frustrated and that is when she begins to scream, cry and even stretch her father's arm so that he will buy her what she wants. This is an unmistakable example of a temper tantrum.. Let's see what this phenomenon consists of and how we can manage it in children.

Why do tantrums occur?

Tantrums are a natural process that all human beings go through.. A tantrum is nothing more than a form of expression of frustration at not being able to get what the person wants. In this case, this expression manifests itself through an explosion of anger, crying and uncontrolled rage.

Between the ages of 18 and 36 months, children go through the so-called primary tantrums.. These are necessary for the psycho-emotional development of children. At this stage they seek to explore the world and begin to express their desires, beyond what parents want them to do.

At this stage the child begins to develop his/her autonomy and begins to have his/her own desires. The way the child at this age tries to express his/her preferences and tastes are tantrums, since he/she does not yet have a sufficiently developed language. language is not yet sufficiently developed to make requests to parents. to make requests to their parents.

On the other hand, at this stage, the areas involved in self-control are not yet developed at the cerebral level, areas involved in self-control are not yet developed at this stage.. That is why children begin to develop self-regulation and control of their emotions through tantrums.

Tantrums may mean that there is some other problem if they persist beyond the age of 4 years and if it is very difficult to calm them down. In cases where the child always expresses his or her frustration and anger through tantrums during this age, it may indicate that something else is going on (parental divorce, problems with other children, the arrival of a sibling, etc.).

What can we do when faced with a tantrum?

As we have seen, tantrums are part of the evolutionary development of people. However, after 36 months of age, tantrums should begin to diminish considerably.. In spite of the fact that they decrease, it is important to know what we can do so that they do not continue over time and gradually disappear.

First of all, there are factors that can increase the probability of a tantrum: tiredness, sleep, hunger, unpleasant environmental conditions such as excessive heat, cold, brightness, etc., and so on.brightness, etc. It is important that we take into account if the tantrum is being produced by any of these factors and try to correct them.

But the truth is that in most cases tantrums are usually the expression of a frustrated desire when the child asks for something and we do not give it to him or when we take away something he wants or that he was liking. It is in those moments when we must apply the following strategies.

1. Never give in to the tantrum.

If through this behavior the child gets what he/she wants, he/she will only get what he/she wants. we will be teaching him that the tantrum is a means to achieve his desires..

2. Show calm

Or, at least, do not show that we are affected by his tantrum.

3. Prevent possible situations

For example: if we know he is hungry after school, avoid passing by places where he can ask us to buy him something.

4. Try to divert their attention if we see that a tantrum is imminent.

Usually, there are signs that indicate that he is starting to get irritable.. If we know how to identify these elements, we will be able to capture his attention and focus it on something else to try to prevent the tantrum from appearing.

5. Not paying attention to the crying

It is important that when the tantrum appears we do not pay attention. We must watch the child and what he/she is doing to prevent him/her from hurting himself/herself, but we must try to ignore him/her. We can change rooms in the house, continue as if nothing had happened. Our attention is the strongest reward for them and therefore we must teach them that with negative behaviors they will not get anything from us.

6. If we are out of the house: we should try to avoid dangerous places.

We avoid looking at him or answering him, but at all times we watch him to know that he cannot hurt himself. If we see that he/she wants to run away, we hold him/her so that he/she does not move but without saying anything to him/her.

The importance of showing coherence and consistency with the rules.

It is important that we see that there will be times when we will probably end up giving in to his requests. In these cases we must try to make them see that in reality we have made the decision..

We must consider that in children who have been behaving in this way for a long time, change is not easy. In fact, when these techniques are applied, there is usually initially an opposite effect: tantrums increase considerably, since we have gone from giving him all our attention and everything he wants to taking it away from him. That is why, the child will initially increase his or her crying and anger because the frustration will be greater. because the frustration will be greater. It is important that we do not give in and remain firm. Otherwise, we would be reinforcing their tantrums even more.

Finally, it is important that we reinforce and pay attention to them when they do things right, when they calm down, when they are able to accept a no to a request and when they regulate their own emotions.. All the rest would be useless if we do not make them see that when they are able to control their emotions and their behavior is when they will be able to obtain many more things from us.

These are some guidelines that can help us with this very complicated process that we go through during childhood. But it is important to consult with a professional in cases where we are not able to handle the sudden changes in mood and behavior of children. and behavioral changes in children.

It is very positive to keep informed about the different techniques and tools needed to manage tantrums. In Mariva Psicólogos we constantly carry out workshops and trainings on different topics.. On March 27th we will conduct a workshop about tantrums and everything necessary to try to understand and deal with them. We are waiting for you! To see our contact information, access this page.