How do you know if you have developed emotional dependence?

These are the signs that help us to know if we have developed emotional dependence towards someone.

One of the most frequent problems that appear in love relationships has to do with the fact that, being involved in one, we often lose the ability to see the problems that arise in this, the way in which they harm us.

This is clearly seen in cases in which someone subjugates his or her partner through actions that can be qualified as abuse (even if there is no physical violence), but on other occasions the negative influence that the relationship has on someone is more subtle and difficult to detect.

In practice, in many of these cases there is what is known as emotional dependence; there is a person who does not consider living apart from that emotional bond, and therefore desperately tries to keep that relationship from ending, even if that makes the problem worse. For that reason, here we will see a small summary about how to know if you have developed emotional dependence towards a personand what to do.

How to know if you have developed emotional dependence in a relationship?

All people behave, at least in part, according to our beliefs about who we are, what our life is like and what we are capable of doing. This set of beliefs is part of what in psychology is known as "self-concept", which, as its name suggests, is the concept we have of ourselves, and which is linked to our self-esteem.

Now, although everything that integrates our self-concept is self-referential (because it all points to ideas we have about ourselves), it does not arise in our mind independently of what is happening around us. In fact, most aspects of our identity most aspects of our identity as individuals are formed through the way in which we relate to others..

This is not in itself a bad thing, because a self-concept detached from our social life would be totally irrelevant and meaningless, as it would allow us to have almost no reference point for who we are and what characterizes us. However, this two-way exchange between our self-concept and the society around us exposes us to situations in which, if we are not careful, we can fall into emotional dependence, among other problems. This happens when everything we think we know about ourselves and our plans for the future are totally tied to one person..

Here we will look at some warning signs that will let you know if you have developed a clear emotional dependency, although keep in mind that not all of these conditions need to be met to experience this problem. Moreover, in this case we will focus on relationships between adults.

1. You seek the approval of that person in order to exercise your fundamental rights.

This is one of the clearest signs of a strong emotional dependency. It is embodied in the need to obtain the "permission" of another person before being able to exercise basic rights, such as talking to another person, eating, buying something with our own money, etc.

2. You perform "compensatory" behaviors constantly and unnecessarily.

In those who develop emotional dependence it is normal to perform actions to "reward" the other person for remaining in that relationship, even if there is no reason to make such offers and it does not make sense to try to redeem oneself for something in particular. It is not so much a matter of giving tangible or intangible gifts simply to make the person happy, but rather to try to mitigate the fear of the other person, it is an attempt to mitigate the fear produced by the idea that the relationship will no longer compensate the other person and he or she will leave our side..

3. You try to hide the negative aspects of the relationship

In order for the relationship not to be destabilized by the pressure of others, those who develop emotional dependence, often try to hide the negative consequences of always trying to stay with that person, sometimes going to the extreme of lying about it.sometimes going so far as to lie.

For example, if we have gone to buy a type of clothing that we don't particularly like to fit in with the other person's tastes and someone asks us about this sudden change of "look", we will make up a story about how we have changed our tastes.

4. You try to prevent jealousy

Another characteristic of emotional dependency, in this case in the world of relationships, is that you try not to give the other person a reason to be jealous.

This implies not relating in a normal way to people who may be perceived as a threat to the stability of the relationship.. It is not the same as not being unfaithful, since in this case we go to the extreme of not performing actions that would be normal even if we do not feel sexual interest in the person with whom we refuse to relate: talking, asking a question, etc.

5. You assume that important decisions are always made by the other person.

Another characteristic aspect of emotional dependency is that, since you assume that the other person has the power, you take it for granted that he or she always makes the important decisions. That is to say, the criteria for who decides what decision to make is not based on rational criteria such as: who has more experience about a subject or who has a clearer idea about what to do, but everything revolves around power roles.

Are you looking for help to get out of a situation like this?

If you think you are going through such a problem and are looking for professional support to overcome it, I invite you to contact me.

I am a Clinical Psychologist with many years of experience helping all types of patients, and both in my office located in Almeria and through online therapy, I can help you gain autonomy and assertiveness to better manage your emotions, both in individual therapy and couples therapy. To see my contact details, click here.