How long does falling in love last?

How long does it usually take between the beginning of a crush and its end?

Would you be able to say how long does a crush last? Although it may seem a question with a very subjective answer, the truth is that science has tried to answer this question. In this article we will talk about it.

We will explain what happens at the brain level when we fall in love, and why this is also so closely related to the stage of "falling out of love", which gives way to the stage of love as a couple.

In addition, we will also talk about the three conditions necessary for falling in love to occur, according to two researchers in the field, and we will answer the question "who are we most likely to fall in love with".

Falling in love

When we talk about love, we are actually referring to multiple types of loveHowever, one of the most widespread forms in our society when we talk about abstract love (and the one we all think of) is passionate love or infatuation.

The famous butterflies in the stomach, decreased appetite, feeling of euphoria or excitement thinking about someone... Has it ever happened to you? These are just some of the symptoms of falling in love, a process through which we idealize a person and feel a person's we idealize a person and feel an unstoppable desire to be with him/her..

But, have you ever wondered how long does falling in love last? This is a difficult question to answer; moreover, the possible answer to this question is not universal, since there are studies that show one thing and others, another. However, experts do agree that infatuation has an expiration date..

How long does infatuation last?

If we ask people on the street, they will surely give us different answers; many people think that it lasts between 2 and 3 years. Others simply say that it lasts the time during which you discover the other person and learn from him/her.

But what does scientific research say to the question of how long does falling in love last? To answer this question, we have turned to different experts and studies that address the issue in question. Raúl Martínez Mir, PhD in Basic and Clinical Psychology and Psychobiology of the Department of Psychology and Communication Sciences of the University of Sonora (Unison), affirms that falling in love (as a state of passion) lasts between six and eight months..

After this time, the so-called love appears, which is the next stage, where the love of the couple itself appears. Mir alludes to a neuroscientific explanation, and affirms that these months are the time that the biochemistry of love lasts in our brain.

Other authors, researchers in this field, such as the anthropologist and biologist Helena Fisher (love researcher par excellence, in the field of neuroscience), trying to answer how long does falling in love last, believe that the duration of falling in love is between two and three years, with a maximum of four years. between two and three years, with a maximum of four years..

This would also be the time that our organism (and brain) can "support" or withstand the chemical bomb that is produced in our brain through numerous hormones, which we will see below.

The biochemistry of love

To answer the question of how long does falling in love last, we must turn to the biochemistry of the brain. So, what happens in our brain, at the biochemical level, when we fall in love? Many things!

But let's mention the most important ones. Initially, our brain secretes serotonin, the so-called "happy hormone".little by little, it adapts to this feeling of euphoria (similar to that felt by drug addicts before their dose of drugs), and serotonin levels decrease.

With this, the initial infatuation decreases until it disappears (the brain gets used to this sensation, which is no longer so exciting), and then the aforementioned couple's love appears (the one that no longer brings butterflies in the stomach).

The above-mentioned findings, however, are not the only ones that would explain the biochemistry of love. Other investigations reveal that at the beginning of a relationship, and during the falling in love, sensations of great intensity appearnot only due to high levels of serotonin, but also to high levels of dopamine, testosterone and norepinephrine in the brain.

All this brain chemistry would make us feel not only euphoric, but also hyperactive and not wanting to eat.. These studies also mention that serotonin levels are lower than usual (contrary to what was explained above), which would explain why we become obsessed with the other person (i.e., with the object of our love).

Falling out of love at the Biological level

We have seen how biochemistry influences the question of how long the falling in love lasts, but what happens at the brain level in the phase of falling in love? what happens at the brain level in the "falling out of love" phase, or when the love relationship is consolidated?

According to Mir, PhD in Basic Psychology, when we are already installed in the couples' love phase, it is then when high levels of oxytocin are secreted, the hormone that would allow the relationship to consolidate and be maintained over time.

Mir also points out that it has been demonstrated that in this process a hormone called oxytocin begins to appear in the brain.which has to do with a more stable relationship.

Thus, biologically our organism (and brain) could not support a situation of such excitement for a long time, so a reduction of the chemical overload explained above would occur in the brain.

Love: 3 necessary conditions

We have seen how long falling in love lasts, but what is needed for it to occur? According to researchers Hatfield and Walster (1981), passionate love or infatuation is easily activated if three conditions are present..

1. Exposure to romantic images and models

These images and models lead the person to hope that someday he or she will find the right person and fall in love with him or her. We are talking about the family and cultural beliefswhich are expressed in everyday comments, narratives, stories, songs, movies, etc.

2. Getting in touch with the "right" person

And you may ask, who is the "right" person? On the basis of what can they be considered "appropriate"?

All this has a strong cultural determination (cultural and social factors have a huge influence); however, there are authors who believe that all this is determined by unconscious evolutionary factors (resemblance, physique, healthy and young people, sexually available, with status and resources...).

Referring to more biological issues, many experts believe that it is also influenced by the so-called genetic determinationwhich is based on the idea that we "look for" (consciously or unconsciously) a suitable person to reproduce with.

However, this idea would be insufficient to explain falling in love, as it leaves many questions unresolved: what happens to homosexual couples, what about heterosexual couples who do not want to have children, and so on.

3. Strong emotional activation

This emotional activation occurs if both of the above conditions are met, and is usually triggered by a feeling of fear, frustration (Romeo and Juliet effect) or sexual arousal.

Who do we fall in love with?

Beyond what it "takes" to fall in love and how long it lasts, it seems interesting to delve a little deeper into the question, and for this we are going to refer to the findings of the psychologist Robert J. Sternberg to talk about "who are we most likely to fall in love with?"

In the 1990s, this psychologist developed a new perspective on love, one that was based on the principles of narrative therapy. This theory is set out in his work "Love is like a story. A new theory of relationships" (1998).

Here Sternberg proposes the idea that human beings tend to fall in love with people whose histories or conceptions of love are similar to our own, but in whom there are also differences that can help to realize complementary roles.

Sternberg also Sternberg also emphasizes how important it is to discover the ideal couple's stories (which are often not verbalized), when analyzing possible love conflicts that may arise.

And what about sex...?

We have talked about how long infatuation lasts, but what about sexual desire?

According to the results of research conducted by sexologist Dietrich Klusmann and his team, women lose their sexual desire after four years of relationship.This is not the case with men who, according to the study, do not lose it (it remains intact).

Klusmann's explanation for these facts has an evolutionary tinge; according to him, women seek to seal the bond with their partners, while men's goal is to be faithful to their partner.