How to avoid stagnation in the couple: 6 key tips

Tips to unblock the capacity to generate satisfaction in the couple's relationship.

Given that couple relationships are one of the most important areas of life for those who are part of one, it is normal that many of the problems capable of damaging us emotionally can also appear in this way.

However, not all couple problems have to go hand in hand with the emotional Pain itself, as we usually understand it. Sometimes, what is problematic is precisely the absence of intense feelings and emotions, and a clear example of this is stagnation in the couple.

In this article we will look at some tips on how to cope with stagnation in relationships, as well as an explanation of how to deal with it.as well as an explanation of what this phenomenon consists of.

What do we understand by stagnation in a couple relationship?

In the context of the psychology of the field of affective couple relationships, the stagnation in the couple is always a form of emotional stagnation. This means that it has to do with the aspects of the relationship that should be producing illusion and motivating us to continue cultivating this bond with the other person, and that for some reason, no longer exist or are very weak.

Thus, we do not speak of stagnation in the couple if, for example, two people have been living together for many years with the same material conditions, nor if they have been dating for decades and do not get married, nor is it something related to any change that may occur at an objective level: note that in all these cases what changes is not the affective bond itself, but non-essential aspects of the relationship (which are also linked to a concept of "progress" of the relationship that is questionable, or at least not valid for all people). The stagnation we are talking about here is linked entirely to emotions, and not so much to social conventions about what is supposed to be expected in a courtship or marriage..

People who suffer discomfort due to stagnation in the couple experience no illusion at the prospect of continuing in that relationship because they feel that staying in it does not give them the feeling that good things are to come, and that the emotions and feelings that come to them from that facet of their daily life are dispensable or so predictable that they can be ignored. Thus, boredom is often associated with feelings of stagnation in the couple..

Tips to avoid stagnation in couple relationships

It is clear that there are no magic recipes when it comes to solving the problems that a couple's relationship may experience, and that one cannot pretend to get out of emotional crises or cohabitation without adapting the solutions to the particular context of each marital or dating relationship.

Precisely for this reason, the most effective way (by far) to improve this kind of relationship is to go to a psychologist, since this way you have the support and supervision of a professional expert on the subject.The psychologist will also propose a training program in communication skills and emotional management adapted to each case, either in individual therapy sessions or in sessions with both partners present.

However, this does not mean that there are not a series of measures to be applied to increase the possibility of getting a couple's relationship back on track and out of stagnation. They do not guarantee success, but they make us more likely to reconnect emotionally with each other by adopting new habits and new ways of thinking and expressing ourselves. Here we will look at several of these psychological keys in the form of tips.

1. Create a list of priorities

In order to make the couple's relationship gain strength again and reach the inertia it had before, it is important to set short- and medium-term goals for each other.Something as simple as putting on the table a plan of activities to do together can give you the jumpstart you need. Think that these shared experiences are also topics of conversation and memories that unite us and allow you to expect pleasant sensations, projecting you into the future.

To achieve this, start by each of you making a list of interests in order from most to least important, and then see how they fit together. That way, it will be easier to find those points in common that you may have forgotten or overlooked because of the monotony of what you have been doing.

2. Stop and think about whether there are taboo topics that keep the relationship cold.

The fear of opening a conversation about topics that affect you intimately can lead you to adopt a distant attitude with the other person, even if you do not realize it.. That is why it is important to agree on a time and place to talk about these things, making it clear that you are not prejudiced and that not in all cases a consensual solution must be adopted (there are aspects that only concern one of the parties).

3. If necessary, experiment sexually

It is possible that the stagnation has also made itself felt in the area of sexuality.. But intimate relationships of this type are one of the most interesting sources of satisfaction not only in the world of immediate sensations, but also in terms of expectations about what the week ahead has to offer, for example. Innovate in this aspect of your lives, but do without fixed schedules that are repeated week after week.

4. Create projects together

These projects do not have to be professionalThis medium is also a way to continue getting to know the person you love through other facets.

5. Unblock conflicts

The frozen conflicts can lead you to adopt a passive-aggressive attitude that turns the relationship into barren territory.. Developing communication skills to seek consensus and put aside resentment for past arguments is essential in these cases. Therefore, agree to talk about it at a specific time and place, making clear two basic rules: no shouting, no reproaches, and no blame or penance, but solutions and acts of reparation where necessary.

6. Think about the non-integrity of the relationship.

Although it may seem contradictory, being aware that we can decide to end the relationship at any time helps to unblock the situation. Not only is it basic to avoid toxic relationships, but it also leads us to adopt a constructive mentality. it leads us to adopt a constructive mentality, instead of a passive and resigned one..

Are you looking for psychological assistance?

If you are interested in overcoming a psychological problem that affects you in your daily life or that creates discomfort in your family or couple relationships, please contact me, please contact me.

I am a psychologist specialized in cognitive-behavioral psychology, and I attend individuals as well as professionals and companies, either in person or online through video call sessions. In this page you can find my contact details.

Bibliographical references:

• Blow, A.J. & Hartnett, K. (2005). Infidelity in Committed Relationships II: A Substantive Review. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 31: pp. 217 - 233.
• Bustamante, J. (2016). Sexualidad y Terapia de Pareja: la Pareja desde un Enfoque Global. Madrid, Spain: UNED.
• Carreño, M. (1991). Psychosocial aspects of love relationships. Santiago de Compostela: University of Santiago de Compostela.
• Christensen A.; Atkins D.C.; Baucom B.; Yi J. (2010). Marital status and satisfaction five years following a randomized clinical trial comparing traditional versus integrative behavioral couple therapy. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 78(2): pp. 225 - 235.
• Hussain, M., Price, D. M., Gesselman, A. N., Shepperd, J. A., & Howell, J. L. (2020). Avoiding information about one’s romantic partner. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407520969856