How to be a good caregiver by taking care of oneself

Tips on how to provide support as a caregiver without forgetting our own needs.

Almost all of us know or have experienced the situations that caregivers of dependent people face on a daily basis.

It seems that these people live for the well-being of those they care for and they themselves take a back seat. This fact damages the caregivers little by little, sometimes to the point of making them sick themselves..

Whenever I have parents or caregivers in front of me, I always give them the same example. When you board the plane, the flight attendant who instructs you on safety measures says something like: if you are going with children, please put on your oxygen mask first and then put the child on yours. And this is the fundamental idea, the mantra almost, that should prevail in these situations; if we don't take care of ourselves, we can't take care of others..

What to do to take care of yourself being a caregiver?

Taking care of a dependent person requires time, attention, effort, patience, love, emotional management skills, lots of energy, etc. Due to the intensity of these situations, one of the characteristics that usually occurs is that caregivers forget all the other roles they have and focus solely and exclusively on this role. Their life is caring and everything else is added to this activity.

This condition is sometimes well regarded by society and is even accompanied by comments such as "what a good person you are", "this will be rewarded", "this is what a son/daughter has to do"... But the reality is that forgetting the other roles we play in life hurts us more than it helps us.Whether we like it or not, there are functions that we cannot exclude and that must also be fulfilled so that everything works and we can maintain a balance in our lives.

1. In the family and couple context....

The fact of focusing on others and always devoting attention to them first always has repercussions in the family, social, work and personal context. As mentioned above, it often happens that other roles we have (child, partner, mother or father, etc) are forgotten. Logically, each caregiving situation is different and so is each family system.

It is important to remember from which role we are communicating with others; if we have a partner we have to communicate with him/her from that position (not from that of caregiver) and we should try to leave a space for the relationship. Limit the role to those situations that require it. and let out and grow other roles that we also have will help us to enjoy other parts of our life, limiting the emotional load and increasing the sense of control.

2. In the relationship with friends...

The network of social contacts is often impaired, since there is practically no time to go out for a coffee or to do some activity. In addition, the quality of relationships often decreases because most of the information these people most of the information that these people can give on a personal level is scarce and almost always related to the role of caregiver..

Setting aside time to contact friends, even online or by telephone, limiting the intensity of the discourse about the caregiving situation, finding online spaces where I can interact with other people, or hiring an external caregiver one or more days a week when I can dedicate time to social life, are some ideas to keep this social network from crumbling.

3. In the work context...

The work environment is often also affected, with countless leaves of absence, sick leave, absence from work, hours to be made up, etc. Sometimes caregivers must leave their job to take care of this person. Teleworking is an option that opens up many possibilities for people in this situation. Not disconnecting from work, even if you have had to leave, and continuing to train and renew yourself at an educational level will help you to stay motivated and open up new job opportunities.

4. In the management of emotions...

On a personal level, feelings of frustration, anxiety, guilt when doing something for oneself, sadness about the situation, and sometimes anger and fear also have a place.

Leave spaces in which to devote time to pay attention to oneself, such as meditating, reading, drinking, etc., and to take care of oneself.such as meditating, reading, taking a quiet shower, listening to music... will help these feelings of exhaustion, anxiety and frustration to diminish.

These situations are complex to handle on an emotional level and most of the time it is advisable to propose that they go to therapy so that they can sustain this situation without it damaging them excessively.

5. Regarding physical health needs...

On a physical level, problems related to sleep hygiene, lack of physical activity, Muscle aches, headaches and extreme tiredness also tend to appear.

Maintaining good eating, sleeping and physical exercise habits is the basis for us to be well and maintain a positive and patient attitude.

Summarizing

So remember remember that you must put yourself first in order to take good care of yourself, which does not mean being selfish but being intelligent and empathetic with yourself and the situation you are in.