How to choose the best friends: 7 practical tips

Several recommendations and tips on how to choose the best friends.

Interpersonal relationships are complex processes, even if we do not realize it when we get involved in them.

Before the bond of friendship is fully established, there is an unconscious selection process that focuses on the things we have in common with other people, known as "compatibility".

In this article we are going to go over a little bit how we can move from the unconscious to the conscious regarding our choice of friends. In other words, we are going to look at how best to choose friendsIn other words, we are going to see how to choose our friends better, so that we can avoid disappointments in the future when we realize that the ones we thought were our friends were not really our friends.

• Related article, "The 12 types of friends: what are yours like?"

Why is it important to know how to choose friends?

It is important to know how to choose the best friends, since they represent a fundamental part of life and it is in social groups where we develop in several aspects that are very relevant to our identity. In friendship circles we have the opportunity to coexist with people who, in spite of being different, show coincidences that make possible the bond of friendship, show coincidences that make possible the affective bond between them..

In order to be able to opt for an adequate development of the personality, it is necessary to experience what it is like to have a group of friends with whom to relate on a frequent basis. For this to be not only a pleasant but also a constructive experience, it is necessary to know how to choose correctly which groups we relate to.

If we tend to associate with people who have dysfunctional lifestyles, we will eventually have some problems similar to those of our friends. This is because socially learned behaviors are not consciousand we unwittingly end up acting like our social reference group.

Regardless of whether or not we approve of the way our group of friends behave, if we spend a lot of time with them we will end up replicating inappropriate behaviors. That is why it is advisable to be clear about our principles and values, and when initiating new friendships, make sure we share the same principles and values, make sure that we share the same values and styles of prosocial behavior..

In conclusion, it is important to choose friends correctly in order to maintain an adequate social behavior development, within the social norms, and also to avoid the frustration that comes after realizing that the friends we have chosen do not really suit us.

How to choose better friends

Now let's look at some tips that will be useful when choosing our friendships.

1. There must be sympathy

No friendship can function properly without sympathy. Even if we have many things in common with the other person, if we do not feel that we like the other person, there is no way we can establish a solid friendship.If we do not feel that we like the other person, there is no way we can establish a solid friendship, and it is not worthwhile for us to force the deal at that moment. The relationship may flow in future situations, but it is not necessary to give chance after chance to that hypothetical potential friendship if there are no clear signs that it may come to exist.

2. Talk about your interests

A good way to get people with common interests to be our friends is to make a habit of mentioning our hobbies and interests in the small talk we usually engage in with anyone. We never know when we might run into someone who has things in common..

3. Frequent different places on a regular basis

When we make a habit of frequenting the same places on a recurring basis, it is quite likely that we will meet people who do the same, regardless of the reason that brings them to that place. Sometimes, the limitation in terms of the social contexts to which we expose ourselves means that we do not have many social relationships to choose from, which increases the chances of accepting almost anyone as a friend. It is best to vary, to have the opportunity to meet new people.gym, library, parks, etc.

4. There must be tolerance

Tolerance should be reciprocalTolerance must be reciprocal, taking into account that despite all the things in common that you and your friends may have, there will always be differences within the bond of friendship. These differences should be handled in the best possible way, in an atmosphere of respect for each other's ideas.

5. Notice how people treat others

Sometimes, the fact that an individual treats us well does not imply that he or she is a good person. To avoid making a bad decision to let someone into our lives, it is important to look at how they treat others, it is important to look at how they treat others, and draw conclusions..

6. Initiate controversial conversations

Controversial and contentious topics function as a tolerance gauge for the quality of friendship that others can offer us. that others can offer us. If the other person feels uncomfortable or reacts defensively when you discuss sensitive or controversial topics, he or she may not be as tolerant as you would expect.

However, be sure not to touch on controversial topics that talk about problems that your friend has personally suffered in the past, as irritability to these topics may only be due to traumatic experiences and anxiety generated by the concepts discussed.

7. Check if he or she likes to spend time with you

In many cases people are only interested in our friendship to obtain a specific benefit and then leave our lives. and then leave our lives, which does not have to be negative as long as people know how to express their intentions honestly. Otherwise, it is preferable to avoid people who approach us only for favors.

The ideal is to verify if your new friends have time for you from time to time, or if on the contrary, whenever you invite them somewhere they always have an excuse. Not investing time in yourself and only being present to receive some kind of benefit is a warning sign; then it is a good idea to start questioning if there really is friendship.

Feeling bad about problems in your personal relationships?

Not all problems related to friendships can be solved by taking steps to make better choices of friends. These strategies help prevent future problems in interacting with others and placing our trust in others. However, what to do when emotional discomfort arises from friendships that we have already established, or even that are part of our daily lives and our identity.

In such cases, it is advisable to seek professional help. Therefore, iff you notice that this type of problem is affecting you, go to a psychologist..

Bibliographical references:

• Bauminger, N.; Solomon, M.; Rogers, S.J. (2009). Predicting Friendship Quality in Autism Spectrum Disorders and Typical Development. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 40(6): pp. 751 - 761.
• Cacioppo, J.; Hawkley, L. (2010). Loneliness Matters: A Theorectical and Empirical Review of Consequences and Mechanisms. Annals of Behavioral Medicine, 40(2): pp. 218 - 227.
• Kassin, S., Fein, S., y Markus, H.R. (2017). Social psychology. Belmont, CA: Cengage Learning.
• Reisman, J.M. (1985). Friendship and its Implications for Mental Health or Social Competence. The Journal of Early Adolescence, 5(3): pp. 383 - 391.
• Vanman, E.J., Paul, B. Y., Ito, T.A. y Miller, N. (1997). The Modem Face of Prejudice and Structural Features That Moderate the Effect of Cooperation on Affect. Journal of Personal and Social Psychology, 73(5), pp. 994 - 959.
• Williams, A. (2012). Friends of a Certain Age: Why Is It Hard To Make Friends Over 30?. The New York Times.