How to cope with one’s own death or the death of loved ones

Advice on how to cope with and assimilate one's own mortality and that of loved ones.

Although we are aware that we are born, live and must die as part of the life cycle of our existence, most people are not really prepared to face that moment.

Throughout our lives we are focused on achieving milestones, goals, objectives and we do not stop to think about our death, due in part to the implicit belief that we will die.We do not stop to think about our death, due in part to the implicit belief that there is a long time ahead of us until that moment.

However, one day in our life we may receive fateful news and become aware of the limited time we have left. So why not go ahead and dedicate more time to this process of personal preparation?

For this reason, whether you are in that situation or not, you will find this article very interesting, in which you will be able to to begin to face death as something natural.

How to face our own death?

To be afraid of death is natural, when we know that the moment is approaching our thoughts and concerns are mostly focused on being aware of what we are going to lose: loved ones, experiences that we enjoyed or had planned and material goods.

An irremediable concern arises for those who are left behind, feeling guilty for the emotions and discomfort that our death will cause them. And also, fear of pain, suffering, loss of faculties as a consequence of an illness or a great deterioration during the old age..

Facing one's own death involves mourning, it is still a loss. There are different phases, although it is important to emphasize that people are different based on our experiences, expectations, beliefs and coping skills. We can go through all the phases or some of them, even going through the same one several times.

Denial

This is usually the first reactionWe don't really believe that our end is near. We deny that reality.

2. Anger

Situations of anger, guilt to oneself or to other people.. We believe that there must be a culprit.

3. Bargaining

We bargain with ourselves, We make promises to ourselves believing that if we change something we can avoid our death.. For example, a healthier lifestyle.

4. Depression

We feel that we can no longer do anything else and have no motivation to try to continue or enjoy anything. Feelings of emptiness and hopelessness appear. We may even feel injustice because it has happened to us and wonder why we deserve it.

5. Acceptance

Reaching this stage is the most adaptive part of the personal grieving process. We actively enjoy the time we have left.. Professional help may be needed to reach this stage.

What can we do until the end comes?

We can follow some guidelines to cushion the suffering we experience and thus progressively approach the acceptance stage.

1. Identify the fear

Being aware of what is causing us fear and worry, we can make a list that will help us to work on these things.

Expressing these implicit concerns will help to understand them.. It can be important to talk with our loved ones or with a psychologist who will know how to guide you in the process as Veronica Valderrama Hernandez of Psicoalmeria. Identifying and expressing our fears is comforting, we live immersed in a society where it seems taboo to talk about death.

2. To be grateful for our experiences

It consists of remembering all the positive experiences of our life and all our accomplished goals.. To feel that we have lived, giving more importance to everything we have experienced and less value to the pending things. To live with intensity the present and every day to really do what we like.

3. Unfinished business

We can make a list with the pending situations that we want to resolveResolving a conflict with an important person, making a will, etc... We will feel peace of mind in resolving these issues and our sense of guilt or responsibility for what will happen after our departure will diminish.

4. Helping others

It is rewarding to help and share with others who are dealing with the same situation.. Share our point of view or perspective and empathize with others. Groups for this purpose can be very helpful.

Finally, it is important to keep in mind that when we are dead we will not feel or suffer, all the worries we have before that moment will not exist. Our fear is in life, and it is the one that limits us and subtracts quality time before the end.

Helping a loved one in the final phase of life.

After receiving the news that a loved one is in the final stage of life, we will initially have to deal with personal grief. Once we have adequately managed this reality through acceptance, we can help our loved one. Here are some guidelines that are useful in this situation.

1. Your presence

It will be important for your loved one to feel that you are close by.. Sometimes it is not necessary to speak and a smile, a caress or being by your loved one's side will be equally comforting.

2. Talking about death

Many people at the end of life need to talk about death; If you are prepared, it will be important to actively listen.. Avoid changing the subject or downplaying its importance; not only will this not lessen the loved one's discomfort, but it will also make him or her feel more misunderstood.

In many cases it is not even necessary to give answers since the person in the terminal phase can ask questions as a reflection, you should only listen and reflect with him/her, he/she is carrying out a process of integration and sense to the moment in which he/she is.

3. Psychological Care

Your loved one may need to deal with all the fears and worries he or she is experiencing. Seeking professional help will be helpful.

4. Isolation

Sometimes the person who is in the final phase of grief will isolate him/herself isolates themselves, avoids the presence of their loved ones or refuses to be seen by them.. You must understand that this is a natural process that can occur, do not take it personally. It is a natural process aimed at disconnecting from life.

Grieving after the loss of a loved one

After the loss of a loved one we will begin a necessary process in order to understand and integrate all the thoughts, emotions and feelings we experience. Finally, when we finish grieving, if it has been done in an adaptive way, we will be able to achieve a purpose to life and a meaningful direction. The following are some guidelines that can help during a grieving process:

1. Talking about your loved one

It is comforting to talk about him or her with close people or friends. Feeling and remembering that he or she has been in our lives is necessary. Not talking or trying to hide memories can take us away from reality and isolate us, and can cause intense emotional distress.This can lead to intense emotional discomfort.

2. Acceptance of feelings

You will experience many feelings such as sadness, anger, exhaustion, frustration, frustration. Recognizing and naming them will make you aware of what you are experiencing and you will be able to accept them as natural and necessary.

3. Take care of yourself

You will need to make an effort but you will need to take care of yourself (eat well, exercise and rest). It will also be good for you to take care of other family members in need.

4. Help others

Sharing your feelings and thoughts with others who are dealing with the same situation is very comforting.is very comforting.

5. Remember your loved one on important dates

You will be able to continue integrating the memory into your life and remembering your loved one along with other important people..

6. Professional help

If you feel that the situation is unbearable, you are not alone, seek the help of a professional psychologist.. An adaptive grief is important to continue with our life.

If you are going through these situations, I can accompany you and help you. I am Verónica Valderrama Hernández from Psicoalmeria.As a psychologist, I will teach you how to work in a more adaptive way to deal with fear, anxiety or guilt.

If you or a close relative need to deal with grief related to death, with my support, training and experience you will be able to develop the resilience and psychological strategies necessary to buffer the negative feelings.