How to cope with the loss of a pet with your children: 6 practical tips

Several psychological keys to give emotional support to a son or daughter in the face of the death of their pet.

Pets are more than just animals, especially for the youngest members of the household. Both children and adults see pets as a member of their family who can give them comfort and understanding without needing to say a word.

But as with the rest of the family, pets don't last forever and their death is often one of the first that children have to deal with in their lives. This is painful for all family members, but it is children, especially the youngest, who can experience it in an especially confusing and tragic way.

Here's how to cope with the loss of your children. we will see how to deal with the loss of a pet with your children, taking into account aspects such as the age of the little onesHow the pet has passed away and whether it was something that had been a long time coming**.

How to deal with the loss of a pet with your children, giving them support.

A pet is not just a companion animal, but a member of the family. Both children and adults enjoy the company of their dog, cat, canary, canary, turtle or any other animal, which they love as what it is, a loved one.. Companion pets are especially important in childhood and children who are lucky enough to have them in the family turn to them when they are sad, sick or nobody understands them. Even if they don't talk, pets listen, offer unconditional love and never criticize.

But unfortunately no loved one lives forever and this reality is the same for pets. At some point our children will have to face the sad loss of their pet and, if not managed properly, the death of the animal can become a traumatic and confusing event. Whether the animal was sick, old or, sadly, died in an accident, it is necessary for adults to help children cope with their loss.

The following points are tips for learning how to cope with the loss of a pet with your children.. In all these recommendations it is key to understand that, in order to overcome the death of the pet in the best possible way, both parents and other adults of reference of the child must make an exercise of empathy and understanding, in addition to treating the situation as an inevitable part of life but no less sad.

1. Take into account the child's age

First of all, it is very important to take into account the age of our child, since the younger the children are, the less they will understand what has happened. Between 3 and 5 years old, they do not understand what death is, being something totally enigmatic for them.. They believe that it is a reversible situation, that the animal has gone away and will come back.

In the best cases they can understand that it is dead but they understand it as a temporary phase and that, sooner or later, their pet will appear again at the door. This is not to say that they don't grieve and, in fact, they miss the animal, but they don't usually consider anything beyond the physical absence of their pet.

The situation is a little different between the ages of 6 and 8. In this age group they are more aware of what death means and its consequences. A little later, around the age of 10, children already understand perfectly well that death is a totally irreversible fact..

Taking into account these age ranges, it will be convenient to adapt our speech when talking to our children, without lying to them and trying to make it clear to our little ones that the pet is not coming back.

2. Tell them the truth

Dealing with the death of a pet is not easy. To do so, we must first look for the most appropriate moment and think very well about how we are going to tell them. We must soften our speech, but telling them the truth. We must be clear and sincere, tell them how things are, no matter how sad the reality may be.

Children accept death better when they are given sincere explanations, adapted to their level of understanding, and also when they are given a sincere explanation. and, also, when they are given the option to express their grief in the most comfortable and comforting way they want. This is why we should not give them vague answers to their questions or tell them white lies such as that their pet is sleeping. Nor should we not answer what they ask us, since this will only cause confusion.

It is also very important not to approach the pet's death with beliefs or traditions that we do not share. For example, if we do not believe in a Christian heaven or some ideal world after death, we should not tell our children that their pet has gone to heaven. Doing this means instilling in him a belief that we do not share and that, when he grows up, he will see that we do not believe and will feel deceived and sad.

3. Prepare them for the death of their pet

It may be that the pet is still alive, but we know that it is already of an age or is suffering from a disease that is going to end its life sooner or later. This situation can help us prepare our children for the death of their pet. We must make them aware that the animal will one day leave, and that it is inevitable.

This explanation will be hard news to hear, but it will also be very beneficial in dealing with the sad event once it arrives. but it will also be very beneficial in dealing with the sad event once it arrives.. Being aware that their pet will not live forever will make children spend more time with them, enjoy their last moments and, once they have passed away, feel that they were able to say goodbye properly, showing them lots of love before their departure.

4. Letting grief out

Although society has become increasingly aware of the importance of expressing our negative emotions, we still have a very internalized belief that showing sadness or anger is synonymous with weakness, even in sad moments such as the death of a loved one. This type of beliefs are not beneficial for anyone, neither children nor adults.

Our children should feel comfortable expressing and sharing their sadness, and so should we as their parents or adult caregivers.And so should we as their parents or adult role models. If we feel like crying, let's do it! Crying is the body's natural way of expressing sadness, an emotion whose tensions are best released rather than kept bottled up.

We should not repress our child if he/she wants to cry and, much less, we should make comments such as "come on, your father did not die". The best way to deal with this situation is to let the Pain out and not doing so can be very harmful to both our body and our mental health. There is nothing worse for a child than feeling penalized for expressing something that needs to come out.

4. Talking about the pet after a few days

The departure of a pet is painful, but we should not make it a taboo subject. we should not make it a taboo subject or an overly sensitive issue that can reopen wounds.. The pet was part of our daily life for a long time, being its company something as normal as any of the habits that make up our daily routine.

We cannot and should not try to forget its existence, much less erase its memory. When a few days have passed and everyone is calmer, we can talk about the animal. We should not try to bring up the conversation intentionally but talk about it naturally, as a beautiful part of our past that is no longer there.

5. Remembering anecdotes with our pet

Along the same lines as the previous point, in addition to talking about the pet after a few days, we should get together as a family and try to remember anecdotes with the pet. We will remember its good and bad things, its pranks, how it behaved when we took it to the park or how it played with the furniture.

This activity is ideal to do as a family, to help face the death of a pet with our children by spending time together and creating another beautiful memory around the life of our departed pet. The idea is to make it clear that, if we don't forget our pet, in some way, it will always be with us..

5. Paying tribute to the pet

When a person dies, his loved ones celebrate a funeral in his honor and pay tribute to him afterwards. The deceased may be buried and a tombstone may be placed with his name on it, or he may be cremated and his ashes scattered in a place to which he was emotionally attached. Whatever the way in which we pay tribute to someone, the truth is that people do it with our human loved ones, why not do it with our pet?

Funerals and posthumous tributes are rituals are some of the most important ways we humans have to recognize someone's life, and it is perfectly applicable to pets. Pets also deserve these types of rituals, and it also serves as a way for our children and ourselves to say goodbye to a family member.

The ideal is to celebrate a small family reunion that will serve as a ceremony and in which all the members of the family will feel supported and supported.. In this way our children will not feel alone and will see that their family wants to help them, which is fundamental to face this type of difficult situations.

The tribute can be done in multiple ways and the ideal is to do it with some artistic craft made as a family. Whether it's a drawing, a clay figure, a photo album or any other artistic form we can think of, they are all perfect ways to remember the departed pet by paying tribute to him or her with some kind of memorial.

6. Don't replace the pet right away

Finally, it is not at all advisable to replace the animal immediately upon death with a new pet.. Our children (and we too) will have to go through the grieving phase, which may last a few days or even a month. This is perfectly normal, healthy and necessary after having lived through a death and we should only worry if the child suffers a lot of anxiety and nightmares.

We must not forget that having a pet implies establishing a very deep friendship relationship, in many occasions comparable to that felt with a family member. This is why we cannot introduce a new animal while still dealing with the pain of the loss of the old one, as the child may be afraid to bond intensely with the new puppy or kitten. If so, there may be tensions between the child and the pet.

Literature references:

• Russell, J. (2017). "'Everything Has to Die One Day': Children's Explorations of the Meanings of Death in Animal-Nature Relationships." Environmental Education Research 23 (1): 75-90.10.1080/13504622.2016.1144175.
• Fleming-Holland, R. A. (2008). Reflexions on Death: Childhood Grief and Juvenile Suicide. Psicología Iberoamericana.
• Ledesma, R. I. G., Cabrera, A. M., & Torres, L. S. (2010). Childhood loss and grief: a narrative constructivist view. Alternativas En Psicolog{'i}a. https://doi.org/1405-339.
• Quicios, B. (2018). How to help a child overcome the loss of a pet. guíainfantil.com. Retrieved from https://www.guiainfantil.com/articulos/salud/mascotas/como-ayudar-al-nino-a-superar-la-perdida-de-su-mascota/