How to deal with defeat: 6 tips for acceptance

How do we get over the fact that we have not won, or even that we have lost? Let's look at some tips.

Being competitive is natural, we all feel good when we have won in a game or sport, since in these situations our reward system is gratified by the fact of feeling victorious. But at some times we will lose, and we must know how to deal with these situations with sportsmanship.

In this article we will review various tips on how to deal with a defeatStarting from the idea that it is not the same to have lost than to feel lost. We will see why it is difficult to accept defeats, as well as a series of recommendations to learn how to manage them.

Why does it cost to accept that we have lost?

Defeats represent circumstances that in most cases are somewhat difficult to digest. They are always associated with an unpleasant feeling or discomfort. To answer the question of how to deal with a defeat we must understand why it is so difficult for us to achieve this acceptance of what happens.

In human beings there is a psychological dynamic called the reward system. This system works from Biological and innate aspects, and also from upbringing (i.e. learning), and leads us to try to perform the actions that make us feel good, and avoid those that make us feel bad. Thus, winning means that we excel positively at something, which motivates us, while losing is the other side of the coin. Without these experiences of defeat, we might as well not learn or develop our skills..

Some people are more competitive than others because they have been brought up that way, but inevitably we all dislike losing. The idea of defeat is culturally associated with weakness and represents the uncomfortable fact of accepting that someone has been superior to us in a given context.

Just as animals compete with each other to see who gets a certain prey or a certain piece of land, people do it for glory and personal gratification, concepts that are only understood by humans.

Unlike animals, we can determine the causes of defeats in a very abstract sense, learn from them to strengthen our capabilities, and become better in certain aspects that we needed to improve. To reach this level of understanding it is necessary to know how to overcome defeats properly.

How to face defeats?

In the following lines we are going to see a list of tips on how to manage defeats on how to manage defeats properly, so that we can make the most of them.. Let's take a look at it.

1. Reformulate your idea of defeat

When we are competing, the possible scenarios that exist are diverse: we can win, we can lose, or in some cases, we might even get a draw. It is important that you familiarize yourself with all these scenarios, and change your perception of them.

In case of defeat, it is not appropriate to see it as a total loss, and feel that we have wasted our time and effort during the competition or during the preparation for it. Defeats only indicate that we can do betterand show us which aspects we need to improve on in order to do so.

Then, as you begin to see defeats as an opportunity to improve, you will notice how many things begin to make sense and you will understand more clearly the reasons why you lost, which will allow you to increase your chances of success in the future.

2. Manage your emotions

The management of emotions is an indispensable process to be able to deal with defeats. The ideal is to have the ability to recognize the negative emotions that arise when we have lost, frustrated or frustrated. that arise when we have lost, frustration, impotence, anger, etc. This serves to limit the power they have on us.

Once you recognize the emotions you must accept that they are the product of defeat and avoid being dominated by them. Understand that they are temporary emotions and that the sooner you turn the page the sooner you can get down to work to see where you need to improve.

3. Leave the defeat in the past

Once the analysis of the defeat has been done, it is time to turn the page and move on, it is time to turn the page and move on with the learning you have gained from it.. You will not gain anything positive if you keep the image of the defeat in your mind for a long time, you will only get frustrated and generate anxiety about the possibility of losing again.

4. Recognize the effort made

Despite not having won the competition, it is important that you have the ability to recognize all the effort you made in preparing to compete, this should represent for you a personal victory that no one can take away from you. that no one can take away from you.

The competition is the last stage of a process that begins when we prepare for it. All your previous preparation, the time you invested and the knowledge you acquired stays with you and no one else but you can value it properly.

5. Learn to handle criticism

It is common for defeats to be accompanied by negative criticism, which can make the process of overcoming the fact of having asked even more complicated. People who take criticism as something completely negative only self-sabotage themselves and sink deeper into their own frustration.

We must understand that criticism is a side effect of not winning or even just trying, and that not all criticism should be given importance. It is good to be selective about the people we surround ourselves with and especially those who listen to criticism. In some cases these opinions help us to improve, and in others they only exist as unfounded criticisms. in others they only exist as unfounded criticisms, to hurt us..

6. Assume responsibility

We must know how to recognize when we have been the main responsible for the defeat. Assume that making serious mistakes is normal and to be expected in any person.

It is true that sometimes there are aspects that can escape our control, fortuitous situations of the context and that can harm us. But when we have lost because of a punctual failure of us, we must be able to recognize it and accept responsibility for it. It is a matter of orienting our locus of control towards the internal and avoid redirecting all the responsibility for the defeat to other things.

Do you need professional psychological help?

In cases in which the emotional discomfort is very intense, it may be necessary to turn to professional psychotherapists.. In particular, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy can be of great help in processing the feelings associated with the experience of defeat and the emotional imbalances that affect self-esteem.

Through the psychotherapy process you will learn to manage emotions and learn from the mistakes that may have predisposed you to get into that situation.

Bibliographical references:

• Hayes, S.C. (2004). Acceptance and commitment therapy, relational frame theory, and the third wave of behavioral and cognitive therapies. Behavior therapy, 35, 639-665.
• Maddi, S. R., & Kobasa, S. C. (1984). The hardy executive: Health under stress.Homewood, IL: Dow Jones-Irwin.
• Oñate, M. (1989). The self-concept. Formation, measurement and implications in personality. Madrid. Narcea.