How to deal with toddler tantrums

Useful strategies on how to manage and cope with toddler tantrums.

For many people, knowing how to deal with children's tantrums is one of the key aspects of parenthood. While some children are "well-behaved" in this regard and hardly burst into tears and quarrels when they don't get what they want, the opposite is very common during the first years of life.

Here we will look at some key key strategies and ideas for managing these tantrums in the best possible way..

What are tantrums?

Tantrums are the set of behavior patterns associated with frustration when it is expressed by young children.. This takes the form of an aggressive attitude and shows the child's anger in a situation in which things do not go as he or she would like them to.

The frequency of this kind of behavior depends mainly on the personality of each child, and it must be taken into account that it is something normal in young children: in itself it is not indicative of a psychological problem. However, if it is a constant in the child's daily life, it is advisable to seek professional help from a psychologist.

Causes

There is no single cause that explains the existence of infantile tantrums, but rather a multiplicity of factors that lead to their appearance. Among the most important are the difficulties that young children have when trying to repress their impulses; due to the stage of development of their brain, the limbic system, which is the set of structures of the Central Nervous System that gives rise to emotions, has an influence on the frontal lobe that the latter can hardly counteract and modulate adequately by putting abstract ideas such as values or long-term goals first.

Because of this, children generally have a relatively short-term and egocentric mentality, because they lack the capacityBecause they do not have the ability to contrast their wants and desires with incentives to put them on the back burner in favor of what is best for them in the long run.

What to do about children's tantrums?

Follow these tips to help you cope when your child has a tantrum.

1. Don't antagonize

Even if the child has adopted an openly hostile attitude, it is important not to do the same and create a shouting match.. On the contrary, it is necessary to adopt an attitude of serenity that contrasts with what he/she is doing, so that little by little this emotion is transmitted to the child.

2. If his movements expose him to danger, prevent him from hurting himself.

If the child kicks a lot or moves in a way that could lead to injury, it is important to restrain his limbs.. In addition, this firm and constant body contact can help him calm down sooner, due to exhaustion. However, if he was not making such energetic movements during his tantrum, do not do this, since in this context it can be interpreted as a form of attack or intimidation.

3. Speak only when he calms down

Until the tantrum has almost completely died down, do not establish a verbal dialogue. In this way he will understand that until he stops this attitude, he will not be able to "negotiate" with you to get what he wants. to get what he is looking for.

4. Be consistent

Show clearly what your attitude towards his tantrum is, don't make contradictory decisions through inconsistent behavior.. Otherwise, you will not have the authority to make him calm down.

5. Create incentives for good behavior

Combine rewards for good behavior with signs that tantrums are an unnecessary waste of energy that will not bring him anything.. For example, if you were going to give him a reward but then he starts a tantrum, wait to give it to him, so that he does not associate his action with that consequence.

Do you want to count on psychological assistance in parenting?

If you are having problems with parenting a young son or daughter, I invite you to contact me. I am a psychologist specialized in the cognitive-behavioral intervention model and I have been helping people for many years to better manage their emotions, their ways of dealing with personal relationships and their daily habits. You can count on my services in my office located in Madrid, or through online sessions by video call.

Bibliographical references:

• Berk, L. (1999). Child and adolescent development. Madrid: Prentice Hall Iberia.
• Comeche, M. I. & Vallejo, M. A. (2016). Manual de terapia de conducta en la infancia. Dykinson. Madrid.
• Pernasa, P.D. & De Luna, C.B. (2005). Temper tantrums in childhood: what they are and how to advise parents. Pediatría Atención Primaria, 7: pp. 67 - 74.
• Trianes, M.V. & Gallardo, J.A. (2000). Psicología de la Educación y del Desarrollo. Pirámide.