How to develop Emotional Intelligence in children.

Tips to educate the little ones of the house so that they develop Emotional Intelligence.

For years intelligence as a concept has been taking on different meanings. Until not long ago intelligence was only evidenced as something related to logic, learning ability, verbal and mathematical reasoning.

But for some time now it has been considered that intelligence implies much more, including the ability to understand what we feel and other aspects related to emotions and sociability. and sociability.

What do we understand by Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional Intelligence (EI) is the ability that we have when it comes to understanding our emotions, as well as those of others.. The ability to manage them, self-control, empathy, as well as the ability to recognize those emotions, learn what triggers them and when others are feeling them.

In fact, emotional intelligence encompasses much more and also includes aspects such as knowing how to react to other people's emotions.

We often focus on our children being able to learn and develop their full intellectual potential at the level of theoretical concepts. at the level of theoretical concepts, but we forget something important, and that is the emotional and social aspect. In fact, the emotional skills of the little ones are something fundamental, since if they are promoted and developed correctly, they will allow them to better fit situations of frustration, difficulty, uncertainty, etc.

Emotional skills allow them to be able to manage their own emotions and direct them towards their goals.

How to help develop Emotional Intelligence in children?

Below you will find some techniques and recommendations to apply them at home and help to enhance the emotional development of your children..

1. Recognizing emotions

Where do we start? It seems logical that if what we want is to improve the ability in emotional terms the first thing we must do is to "recognize emotions". So, to begin with it is important that we label emotions. Nowadays there are numerous visual resources that make this task easier for children. For example, we can use books, virtual games, etc.

To recognize an emotion it is important to understand what that emotion is, to define it, as well as to explain what we feel on a physical level when we have it. For example, to explain anger we could say: we feel it when we see that there is some threat or something that may bother us, when we do not like something or when we believe that someone is not acting well.

We can accompany this with a brief explanation in the form of sensations and behaviorsWhen we get angry we feel our whole body tense up, we frown, our nose wrinkles, we tend to talk louder...

2. Managing emotions

Once we have learned what emotions are and we know how to identify them, it is important that we explain to our children and adolescents what they feel. it is important that we explain to the person how he/she can act after feeling them.. For example, when we get angry we can act in many ways: breaking things, attacking someone, calming down, breathing, trying to leave the place, etc.

It is important to explain to the child in what ways he/she can manage each emotion, and to learn the consequences of each option, as well as to teach him alternative ways of acting when we see that he has not managed the situation well. when we see that he has not managed the situation well.

An exercise we can do is to expose him to different social situations and ask him what he would do in that situation or explain it through characters and try to explain what that character can do to manage his emotion.

For example: Alberto has an appointment with his friend Inés to return a book he had lent her. When Inés arrives she tells him that the book got wet and some pages are no longer readable. How do you think Alberto will feel? What do you think he could do in this situation? What will he say to Inés?

The idea is to to present them with social situations in which they must reason about emotions and different behavior alternatives..

On the other hand, there are different techniques to self-regulate our emotions and we can teach them to them so that they can apply them at home. For example, some of these techniques are mainly used to regulate anger, such as the turtle technique and the traffic light technique. Both use metaphors and stories to explain how to stop being angry, calm down and then express what we feel or state what we want.

3. Empathy

Empathy is the ability we have to understand the emotions in others and put ourselves in their situation.. It is very important for later social relationships as it allows us to connect more easily with others.

It is normal that when children are younger they go through a stage of "selfishness" and find it difficult to put themselves in the place of others, but if we use strategies to promote empathy it will develop more easily.

One of the strategies is to explain stories of different characters where the person appears but also friends and/or family members appear and should try to detect how others will feel and why..

For example: Your father asks you to pick up the room because your cousins are coming to visit. You are focused on a video game and end up ignoring him. When you go back to your room, your father sees that it is not picked up. How will your father feel? How will you feel?

4. Emotional expression

Once we have learned to recognize our emotions, to regulate them and even to understand the emotions of others, it is important that we also go a step further: learn to communicate and express them.

It is of little use to understand my emotions if I can't explain to someone how I feel and why.. To develop this skill, it is not only important that children have models, but also that this will greatly facilitate their learning.

If as parents we get used to talk openly about our emotions, express them and do it in an appropriate way, it will be easier for our sons and daughters to copy those behaviors.

On the other hand, one exercise we can do to achieve this goal is to explain what words to use to express how we feel.. For example: When you ... I feel .... After you told me that, I felt .... I wish that when I... you....

The role of fathers and mothers is key.

Finally, we would like to emphasize the importance that fathers and mothers play at all times in this learning process. Children copy the behaviors of their environmentTherefore, if we want them to develop their emotions in the best way, we must try to be adequate models of emotional expression and management.

Sometimes these strategies are sufficient, and with the parent's own skills and those of the children, emotional skills will improve. But on other occasions this does not happen and extra help or more specific guidelines are required. If this is your case, you can contact us and our psychologists will offer you the necessary resources and guidelines.