How to find a steady partner: 5 practical tips

Tips to maximize our chances of having a steady partner without obsessing about it.

Many people, when they reach a certain age, start to worry about finding a partner, a person to share the rest of their life with.

We have been led to believe that everyone must have a boyfriend or girlfriend or spouse to be happy or, at least, to have a complete life.

The idea that we will only be happy if we find love is somewhat recalcitrant, but in the midst of this it is true that many questions are asked how to find a stable partner and, below, we will try to help them by giving them some advice.

How to find a stable partner: fundamental ideas to keep in mind.

Although we know that loneliness is not a bad thing, most mortals are looking for a partner at some point in their lives, a better half. Whether it's because we really want to share our lives with someone or because society has given us the idea that you can only be happy if you have a partner, the truth is that many people long to find someone they believe will make them happy.

This can become a real obsession. In their quest to find the ideal guy or girl, thousands, or rather millions of people download every day all kinds of applications to see if they are lucky in this uncertain and strange world of love. They look at hundreds of profiles, they "like" as many others and, if they are lucky, they have a "match", that is, someone seems to be interested in them.

Is it really so important to have a steady partner? The short answer is no, of course, but there is no doubt that many people feel that stopping a partner is a basic need, something fundamental to their lives, so much so that they dread being single.

The problem is that they run the risk of overestimate the benefits of having a partner.The problem is that they run the risk of overestimating the benefits of having a partner, to the point that when they do get one, they may be faced with the reality that having or not having a boyfriend or boyfriend is not what brings us happiness, but the way we face life.

Establishing a lasting relationship can mean a lot for some people, while for others it is something rather secondary, in the sense that if they are lucky enough to find a steady partner they will not complain but they do not look for it intensely. Also, and as we have suggested with the question of society pressuring us to have a partner, there are several factors that influence the desire to have or not a stable partner, among them age, economic situation, previous experiences, culture...

Why is it so difficult to find love?

Before seeing how to find a stable partner, it is necessary to know the possible causes that have prevented us from not having a partner yet. It is normal that, after trying a lot to find a stable partner but not succeeding, it is possible that there are feelings of guilt, insecurity and a lot of doubts.. Some questions that can begin to resonate in our head, almost bordering on obsessive ideation, are:

• Can no one love me?
• Why is it so hard for me to find love?
• Am I not enough for anyone?

All these questions end up eroding our self-esteem, since they can turn into the belief that we are not worth enough, that we will not find anyone to share our lives with because no one finds us worthwhile. A damaged self-esteem implies psychological discomfort, an emotional suffering that can plunge us into depression.

Although discouragement and despondency can convince us that there is nothing to be done, the truth is that there are many aspects that we can change to achieve a stable partner. The responsibility falls on our thoughts and actions our thoughts and actions, behaviors that we can modify and, consequently and, consequently, they will make us more interesting, more accessible to potential partners. Let's look at what makes it difficult for us to find love.

1. Fear of failure

The problem for many people is not that they try and fail, but that they do not dare to look for love for fear of hurting themselves. This is perfectly normal, but you can't succeed if you don't even try.. But not trying already ensures failure.

It may be that you have had bad experiences with other people and you do not want to go through the bad experience again. It may also happen that you are afraid of not being enough, a fear that is reflected in the way you relate to others, which makes them not feel attracted to you.

2. Extreme shyness

As a general rule, shy people are characterized by establishing fewer social relationships compared to people who are not shy. This does not mean that a shy person cannot establish an intimate relationship, but it does mean that he or she will have more difficulty in achieving it.

Extreme shyness hinders us in our search for love because it is synonymous with poorer social skills.. Fortunately, these skills can be improved, having specialized courses in the management of interpersonal relationships in addition to going to a psychotherapist to treat the problems that may be at the base.

3. Low self-esteem

The low self-esteem is related to insecurity and fear to relate. In fact, low self-esteem is a problem that we can find in social phobia and avoidance personality disorder.

For this reason, it is important to it is important to turn to professionals to provide us with the necessary tools to learn to value ourselves.The potential disorder that may have caused this low self-esteem should be evaluated and a treatment to increase self-esteem should be initiated.

4. Fear of commitment

Finally, among the reasons that prevent us from finding a partner we have the fear of commitment. We are not referring to commitment prior to marriage, but to the idea of committing to someone for the purpose of marriage. the idea of committing to someone in order to maintain a deeper and more intimate relationship than a merely sexual relationship..

The fear of commitment can be unconscious, a fear that expresses itself in our mind in the form of fear of initiating changes in our life, since life as a couple implies altering our single routine quite safely. When dating, we have to take it into account, plan dates, trips, sacrifice some of our time. This degree of commitment scares some people and, without wanting to, they boycott themselves to remain single, even if they don't like it.

Tips for finding a stable partner

Before looking at some tips that will help us to find a stable partner, it is very important to understand that there is no single, infallible and scientifically effective method to find a stable partner. Each person is as he or she is, unique and unrepeatable, with his or her life trajectory and his or her way of emotionally interpreting his or her reality.

What may work very well for someone to find a partner, may not work very well for someone else..... Likewise, we are going to see the main aspects to be able to improve our chances of finding a stable partner.

1. Loneliness is an opportunity

While we are single we should not think that we are failures.. Solitude can be a great opportunity for self-knowledge and personal growth, giving us the chance to cultivate our inner world without having to be attentive to another person, something really difficult when we have a partner.

We must allow ourselves time to enjoy our hobbies and individual activities, entertaining our minds and spending time in a truly enjoyable way. Solitude is an opportunity to pursue what we are passionate about, as well as to grow as people.

2. Pacify our inner self

A pleasant life as a couple cannot be achieved if we are not at peace with our inner selves. Before embarking on the adventure to find our soul mate, we must first pacify our inner self, working on our own well-being by identifying and managing our emotions..

If we are resentful, restless, in a bad mood, sad or under the influence of any other negative emotion for a long time this will "embitter" us, affecting the way we relate to others. We may even become a bit acidic, grumpy, people who will make a bad impression.. And we all know that the first impression is very important.

It is very important to take advantage and visit a psychologist. It is quite likely that our negative emotions are simply the result of bad things that have been happening to us lately, totally normal responses to an adverse situation. However, there could also be a mental disorder behind it, and in that case it is better to detect it in time and intervene as soon as possible.

3. Do not force the search

We should not force ourselves and try to look for a partner as soon as possible. We may feel like it, but we don't have to be ready.

It's hard to say when is the ideal time to go looking for a partner, but it is clear that it will not be the best time if we are still getting over a previous breakup or if a recent rejection has hurt us a lot.. First we must wait for our Heart to heal and, when we have the strength to go out and meet people, do it without thinking about it too much.

4. Expand our social circle

There are few cases of people who met their partner in totally unexpected situations, such as walking in the street and, without further ado, get the number of a stranger who has seemed attractive to us.

Let's see, boy-meets-girl movie situations have happened, they are not impossible. However, and ignoring dating apps, in most cases we meet our future partner through a friend of a friend.. It is a classic, unsophisticated and very mundane strategy that usually works.

That is why it is highly recommended to expand our social circle. Sign up for courses of anything, go out with friends, have a good relationship with friends of our friends or family ... Who knows, maybe one of them knows someone who has similar tastes to ours and, without wanting or drinking it, in a couple of years we will be saying "I do".

5. Don't beat yourself up

We still haven't found a partner? Many after several attempts would begin with the whipping, the "self-matching". If I'm not worth it, if I won't find love, if I'm not attractive... What a negative mentality!

If after several attempts we still haven't found a partner, we shouldn't start with emotional masochism telling ourselves that love is not for us. All attempts are few, and if at the fourth time we still have not found a stable partner, let's try a fifth time.

Likewise, we must understand that love cannot be forced. It is something that if it has to come, it will be in a very casual way, obeying random phenomena, beyond our control except for our way of thinking and acting. The worst thing we can do is to think in terms of failures because the one who fails is not the one who tries and loses, but the one who gives up.

The importance of not becoming obsessed

As a final point, we consider it very important to emphasize the idea that finding a stable partner is not an obligation. Everyone can be happy without a partner.We should simply take advantage of what life has given us, the opportunities that have manifested themselves in the form of a good job, a loving family, faithful friends or the practice of all kinds of hobbies that fill us with satisfaction.

In no case should we force the search, or choose anyone who does not convince us at all for the simple fact that we believe that having a partner we will automatically be happy. No, we will not be. Happiness depends on many things and, above all, on our way of facing and enjoying life, with or without that better half we have been sold so much.