How to get unhooked from someone you still love

Several guidelines and tips to stop suffering for loving someone who does not suit you.

There are moments in life when we get hooked or fall in love quickly with a person who, objectively, we know it is better not to be with.. A very strong part of us irremediably wants to be with her, but our more rational part constantly warns us that it is better not to continue.

This can happen for many reasons: it may be that there are things about the other person that we do not like that are important to us, because the other person does not fall in love with us, because the other person may have another partner, or because he or she has broken agreements in a way that we do not want to forgive.

It is then when the moment arrives in which the head imposes itself and we decide to end this we decide to put an end to this attachment that does not allow us to move forward.. But who has been in that situation knows that it is not as easy as it seems and that the Pain suffered when we separate from someone we still love is difficult to face.

How to disengage from a person you still love?

At the beginning of a relationship, when we like someone and we enter the initial infatuation phase, there are a multitude of neurotransmitters and hormones that invade us. Dopamine, adrenaline, oxytocin and noradrenaline are some of the protagonists. They are the ones that make you spend hours and hours without sleeping talking to that person, without eating, and without thinking about anything else. They are the ones that give us that state of "high" and the ones that your body misses when you separate from that person.

It is because of them that you have such a hard time sticking to your conscious decision to separate. The ones that make you feel that love as an addiction..

Despite the pain and the great difficulty of leaving someone you love, you have to know that, following some guidelines, that addition and that pain will last less time. And little by little and without even realizing it, it will ease. Let's take a look at some tips on what to do in these cases.

1. Write down your reasons for separating from this person.

This task is fundamental. When you are calm, write down your reasons for not being with that person. This list is important to have at hand in moments of weakness, which will undoubtedly occur..

Do not magnify or minimize them, be realistic and write them down to keep them in mind when the nostalgia comes, which will surely come.

2. Avoid seeing and touching that person

Oxytocin is the hormone that causes affection. When you see and touch the person you love, the levels of this hormone rise in your blood.. And this causes the bond and attachment to that person to be maintained, and even elevated. There are studies that say that looking into the eyes and hugging are the behaviors that release the most oxytocin. Therefore, avoid seeing and touching him or her.

To achieve this it is also important that you stop following him on social networks to avoid photos and videos. I know this step is very difficult but it is the most important step to start moving forward. If you can't do it all at once, do it little by little, but do it as soon as possible.

3. Avoid making the same plans and routines that you did with that person.

Dopamine is very present in love, it is the hormone involved in the addiction circuits. When we receive and give love, dopamine is the cause of this state of excitement and high..

When we stop doing it, the decrease of this hormone makes our body and mind long for it and look for it again, especially in those places and moments where we used to receive it. That is why it is important to avoid those places where everything is the same but only the person is missing. Change habits.

4. Use strategies and set traps for the most vulnerable moments.

Anticipate the worst moments and think of strategies that you can carry out in moments of more "down" moments where you see that there is a risk of relapse and contact. For example, delete his or her number, turn off your cell phone or leave it at home, go out, meet with friends at times when you feel more alone...

5. Control the constant thinking about the other person

This is very difficult, I know. But you have to be aware that you can manage your thoughts. Thoughts will come again and again, but it's up to you to let yourself be carried away by them by staying paralyzed or be aware of when they come and switch your attention to something else. At first it may seem that you do not succeed, but little by little you will have more and more space free of thoughts about that person and you will feel better.

6. Beware of self-deceptions

The brain and our body will use thousands of tricks and strategies to make you fall and get everything it likes and needs. (adrenaline, oxytocin, etc), so be very attentive to self-deceptions such as: "I will only meet him once and it will be the last time". Watch out for them, be attentive and resort to your list of point 1 when you see that they invade you.

Concluding

They will be eternal days and very hard days, you will not have a good time. But little by little there will be more and more spaces of tranquility.

One more day is a very important and fundamental advance so that you can free yourself from the addiction and from this attachment that you do not want for yourself. I know it is not easy because I know what I am talking about, but you know that time will gradually ease that pain. Don't drag it out any longer, you don't deserve it. If you need help to get it, ask a professional psychologist for help. You will be able to.