How to Have Healthy Friendships: 10 Effective Tips

Friendship, like everything else in life, has several basic premises. We will get to know them below.

Healthy friendships constitute a bond shaped by a deep sense of commitment and intimacyin which two human beings express their individuality without fear of their respective vulnerabilities being harmfully exposed.

It is an affective space in which the confluence of two people gives rise to something more than a simple sum, as it provides as a result the opportunity for the development of essential emotional aspects.

• We recommend you to read: "Toxic friendships: 7 signs to detect a bad friend".

In this article we expose ten keys on how to have healthy relationships of friendship, always considering that each case is unique and that the social needs of each one are also different.

How to have healthy friendships

A healthy friendship is one that provides opportunities for communication, that shares time, that is based on realistic expectations, that avoids destructive lies, that provides space for conflict resolution, that respects individualityIt is based on realistic expectations, avoids destructive lies, provides space for conflict resolution, respects individuality, is protected by freedom, recognizes what makes it unique, and looks to the future.

Each of these characteristics, all of which are important, is detailed below.

1. Share what you feel

Sharing what is going on inside you is the easiest way to build a trusting relationship with another person.. It is about creating a common space in which intimacy can unfold in a genuine way, without the need for coercion or social pressure. The moment you tell what you feel, even when it is something seemingly negative, you are moving in the same direction.

Even if a lot of time and space is set aside to be together, imposing a barrier of silence for feelings promotes a progressive distancing, much greater than that existing between people who are physically separated. Because when you share your feelings, your inner world is built on a common thread, and there is less risk that the passage of time will generate unbridgeable discrepancies between people.

2. Stay with that person for a long time

Time is key in all relationships. However, in this matter, quality should be prioritized over quantity. Building activities that are enjoyable for both parties is fundamental, because laughing together strengthens the invisible bonds of friendship. This phenomenon is based on physiological and endocrine factors, such as the production of oxytocin or dopamine in the brain's reward system.

Nowadays, there are a great many people who, despite being together in the same room, are absurdly distanced from others. This can be explained, above all, by the abuse of mobile devices and other related technologies. Conversations carried out through these media limit many components of nonverbal language, which contain a large part of the emotional substrate of a social interaction (smiles, hugs, looks, etc.).

3. Make plans, show commitment

In a relationship between friends, and in life in general, it is important to stay connected to what is happening at every moment.. However, it is also crucial to project expectations into the future, building scenarios in which the relationship has opportunities for growth. With this constructive attitude we demonstrate commitment, one of the raw materials with which the fabric of any healthy relationship is embroidered.

Shared plans also promote the feeling that people are similar, which in turn stimulates the search for both physical and emotional proximity (which can only be achieved with the safe conduct of trust). The saying that "touch makes love" is not at all trivial, as it summarizes a whole series of scientific findings on bonds, albeit translated into operational terms.

4. Regulates expectations

We all have needs that we project onto our social environment.. The desire to be accepted and/or understood is almost universal, and through this desire arise expectations about what we want to find among those around us. Thus, we may be looking for someone to confide in when we find ourselves in difficult moments, someone to have a good time with, someone to nourish our intellectual thirst or someone who knows how to keep a secret.

Sometimes we come to think that a true friendship is one with whom we satisfy everything we long for, without realizing that we aspire to someone idealized and impossible. The risk of maintaining this position is twofold: either we end up frustrated (for not finding anyone who meets these requirements) or we condemn another person to act in a way that is impossible to maintain in the long term (because of his or her proximity to a suffocating perfection).

It is important to recognize that friendship with someone brings important things, and to value them exactly for what they are, without the need for them to satisfy everything we seek in our social life. To achieve the latter, the best way is to have a wide network of people to trust, where each one can genuinely contribute with his or her way of being and doing.

5. Avoid lying

Lying is one of the greatest enemies of friendships.. Whoever receives it can experience it as a betrayal, and from this an important emotional distance is created. In general, loyalty is one of the most valued attributes in a person who is considered a friend, and the use of lies can erode all the effort to harvest a relationship based on mutual trust. For some, even a lie is an irreversible affront.

6. Learn to forgive

Forgiveness is basic in a relationship between two people.. Because a good friendship is usually forged over the years, it is not uncommon for it to go through moments when one party disappoints the other in some way. This is a natural occurrence, the result of friction between two human beings who are essentially different, but who seek a space in which to create a "we" that reconciles their discrepancies in a harmonious way.

Asking for forgiveness and forgiving implies recognizing one's own imperfection in the first case, and overcoming pride in the second. Both are an obvious challenge to two of the most powerful resistances that struggle within us: the desire to possess the truth and the difficulty to tolerate grievances. In any case, if the situation is reversible and can be overcome, this forgiveness opens up new scenarios in which the bond can be strengthened.

7. Avoid generalities about friendship

There are certain myths that do not at all fit with the reality of a healthy relationship between two people.. One of the best known is that of the better half, in which it is anticipated that an individual is an incomplete being by nature until he or she is matched with another, the purpose of which is to complete him or her and be completed. Such beliefs can lead to a codependent relationship, both in friendship and as a couple.

It is necessary to keep in mind that popular sayings depend on the historical context in which they were formulated, and that what was "true" at one time may not be true today. Likewise, every friendship is unique and irreducible to stereotypes, myths or prefabricated ideas; therefore, it advances from its individuality through a process of exploration and self-exploration.

8. Do not try to monopolize

Certain people, when forging a friendship with someone, can act in a very possessive way.. This is due to the fear of losing the position they hold in the bond, so that any approach from third parties is perceived as a threat that must be resolved vehemently and decisively. This type of inertia leads to totally hermetic relationships, in which one of the parties fears being abandoned and the other fears disappointing it in some way.

The maintenance of this type of relationship is based more on the fear of loneliness than on the enjoyment of companionship. Time is shared in order not to lose, obviating the positive that a friend can provide. At the same time that this happens, the rest of the relationships weaken or even disappear. No relationship of friendship can sprout in coercion or blackmail. Only freedom, and the ability to decide where you want to be, allows a friendship to grow and flourish.

9. Create your own emotional space

Any relationship between two human beings is built by shared experiences, from which their peculiarities (which are recognized as their own and distinctive) emerge.from which their peculiarities emerge (which are recognized as their own and distinctive). It may be an experience from the past, or even jokes that are felt as personal, and that end up shaping a microcosm in which the feeling of unity is reinforced. The creation of this space is unique, and is a key part of the emotional component of the bond.

Emotional bonding is what distinguishes a healthy friendship from the simple confluence of two people in the same place, and it is therefore very important to contribute to it by looking for and underlining which moments were unique in the journey up to the present.

10. Conflicts are not negative

Many people believe that conflicts are toxic for a relationship, and they live juggling to avoid them poisoning their friendship or their partner. This avoidance is opposed to the principle that, sooner or later, difficulties will arise with which we will have to deal.. In fact, we know today that the strongest friendships are not those that have experienced the least friction, but those that have learned to deal with it.

Every crisis can be an ideal period to reorganize priorities, and to learn something that will provide us with the strength to overcome adversity. And if this is true for life in general, it is also true for friendship.