How to help a friend who is going through a bad time?

Several tips and tricks to be there when your friend needs you.

Surely among your friends or even family there is a person who lives a crisis that repeats and needs your comfort and advice..

It may be that every time he/she falls in love intensely, he/she experiences a love failure and therefore becomes distressed; that he/she loses control and reacts with anger without thinking about what he/she is saying; that he/she feels a paralyzing phobia of elevators or social situations, recognizes it with great shame and only tells you about it; or even that it is difficult for him/her to leave home. In these cases, it is normal to feel bad, to notice that you worry a lot about their mood every time you meet.

Good friendships carry that responsibility, to take action in case of concern. The question is... what can we do in the face of a friend's crisis? What is the limit for action? What if I generate rejection by insisting on a solution or seeking help? What is the difference between the performance of a professional and that of a friend?

How to help a friend in a bad moment

If you are looking for knowledge to alleviate situations in which close people are having a bad time and there seems to be no remedy and their anguish overflows you, this information is for you.

1. Listening is always the first and most important step.

When we talk about listening, we differentiate it from "hearing" in that we not only pay attention to what they tell us, but we are present and notice what they feel when they tell us. They may convey sadness, frustration and anger, feelings of helplessness... And the way we respond to each circumstance changes significantly.

If you achieve this state of receptivity, you will be able to make him listen to you when you respond.. Somehow, in order for that person to let you advise or encourage him or her, it is necessary that you let yourself be influenced; this is how healthy relationships work, and this is what we mean when, in many articles by colleagues in this regard, we mention that you should not rush to give advice before listening.

2. Do not be in a hurry to respond or seek a solution.

We know that when there is anxiety, tension and a lot of nerves, the feeling is that you have to find an urgent solution. But from experience we can tell you that it is not like that, but on the contrary, it is necessary to breathe, to lower the nerves, to think as clearly as possible..

Something very significant that patients usually tell us about their friends is that "the most important thing when I told him/her .... It is that he/she listened to me, did not judge me and stayed with me", and we notice how they relax when they tell it, how they find some serenity in the silence. That is why we tell you that, although it may seem like you are doing nothing by keeping silent and waiting, you are really doing a lot.

3. Just because he or she doesn't follow your advice doesn't mean he or she won't listen to you.

If your friend remains silent when you speak, it means that he or she is letting your message get through. It's a sign that his or her relationship with you is important, and if he or she doesn't follow your advice, it's probably because he or she is not listening. if he or she doesn't follow that advice, it's probably because it doesn't fit their situation, or they don't know how to follow it..

On many occasions, something more internal than behavior is what prevents people from making changes that improve their well-being. Anxiety crises, mental blocks ("going blank"), confusion, thinking about the same idea over and over again... make it extremely difficult to implement the necessary actions to reach the solution. We insist on that idea, we know that it is frustrating to see how a loved one remains in the same problem, but maintaining your presence is important.

4. When is it important to seriously recommend seeking help?

As mentioned in the previous section, when the situation repeats itself and there seems to be no reason for the problem to persist, it is time to recommend professional help, when the situation repeats itself and there seems to be no reason for the problem to persist, it is time to recommend professional help..

Sometimes it may cause some discomfort to recommend going to a psychologist, because it seems that you are calling him/her "crazy" or that you recognize that "he/she is not able to solve his/her problem". But nothing could be further from the truth, it is a gesture of care and honesty, very important in friendship in difficult situations.

I put it to you this way: would you allow your friend to continue drinking alcohol once he/she has lost control after a few drinks? Would you let him/her continue playing sports if he/she had an injured foot, or would you seriously recommend him/her to go to a professional for treatment? This is the same logic we follow, if there is a personal crisis that is not resolved and repeats itself, it is time to recommend a professional psychologist..

5. To take care of your friend, it is important that you take care of you

It is true that, in some contexts, your friend may saturate you with his/her problem, be very insistent and not know how to stop. This can lead you to feel overwhelmed and unable to act.

You have to know how to say enough is enough and recognize that only by acting from our security can we help those who need us. If we lose control, we will only add frustration and tension to the problem. It is in this situation when you may find yourself giving hasty advice, trying to console with typical phrases ("nothing happens", "with time it will pass"...) or even expressing that "you do nothing to remedy it" "the same thing always happens to you" "you seem to like to suffer". Before regretting losing control, it is better to stop and regain it, only by taking care of yourself you will be able to take care of those you care about.