How to identify people who don’t suit you: 6 key ideas

These are the keys to look out for in order to react in time to dysfunctional relationships.

Human beings are social animals and we need to surround ourselves with people in order to be happy. The relationships we form with our family, friends and partners are an aspect that determines our psychological and emotional well-being.

There are good relationships, and others that are not so good. While some relationships are healthy and offer us many positive emotions, others are truly toxic, exhausting and stressful, relationships that do not suit us.

If you have ever wondered how to identify people who are not good for you, this is the article for you.. Below we will try to give an answer to this question, as well as identify warning signs that will help us to keep away those people who do not mean anything positive to us.

Learning to identify people who are not good for you.

We all want to surround ourselves with people who bring something to our lives. We seek to have special people by our side, with whom we can share good times and who will also give us support in difficult times. Family, friends and partners are the kind of people we turn to when we face a problem, we enjoy happy moments with them and we expect them to give us what we give them: love and respect.

However, we do not always have people we can trust. It often happens that when we start dating someone or when we meet a new friend, what at first seemed to be going well has turned into a rather complicated relationship.. Yes, it is clear that all relationships have ups and downs, such as the occasional argument or misunderstanding, but if that becomes the norm in the relationship after a while it means that it is taking an undesirable course.

At this point you may have wondered how to identify people who do not suit you. This question is not easy to answer, since we cannot completely discard a relationship simply because something has gone wrong at a given time. Each person is different, with different beliefs and opinions that can cause a clash on occasion between people who love each other, but this is not a reason for separation. The line between normal relationship disagreements and unsolvable relationship problems is very blurred.

We cannot give the solution of how to choose the partner, the friend or the relative (as if we could!) that best suits us without making a mistake. Life cannot be solved with magic formulas that allow us to choose without any mistake which people we should surround ourselves with. It is from mistakes, disappointments, successes and experiences that we end up seeing who suits us and who does not. What we should do is learn from our mistakes when it comes to dating or meeting someone. That is the best life experience.

But this should not confuse us. The fact that there is no magic solution to identify people who are not suitable for us does not mean that there are not a few clues to look out for that can help us make the decision to move a person away from or towards a person in our social circle. Certain behaviors of that "loved one" can serve as an alarm signal, warning us that the best thing we can do is to put some ground in the middle and prevent the relationship from intoxicating us with its negativity, bad thoughts and acid criticisms.

Signs to identify people who are not suitable for us.

Here are a few signs that help us to identify people who are not good for us.

You only do what he or she says.

In a relationship all members of the relationship deserve the same respect and that their desires and needs are met in a fair and equal manner.. If this is not the case, it means that one person enjoys the relationship and the rest do not, which is an example of a bad relationship.

If everything we do is what our partner or friend likes, what he or she decides, what he or she wants to do, we are not living in a healthy relationship. If not everyone feels comfortable with the relationship and is not satisfied with it, it is not a good relationship and simply does not suit us.

2. He/she blames us for everything constantly

As we said, in every relationship problems, arguments and misunderstandings arise, which are part of the normal life of human relationships. In a healthy relationship they end up forgiving each other, trying to understand what happened, who is really to blame (which can be both to a greater or lesser extent) and looking for strategies to solve it.

On the other hand, if our friend or partner, whenever a problem arises, is always clear that it is our fault, trying to make us "see" and making sure that it is clear that he is totally innocent, we should consider the need to continue the relationship.

If all the time he blames us for any problem that has arisen in the relationship sooner or later it will have repercussions on our self-esteem and mood.. To have a person who does not suit us by our side and to continue being like that will bring us problems at a psychological level.

3. Reminds us of our failures

Nobody is perfect since we all have flaws, complexes and we do not always do things right. In short, we have our faults, which may be more or less minor and, of course, more or less solvable.

That our partner or friend detects them and, in good manners, tries to help us to turn our weaknesses into strengths, is fine.. What is not fine is that he or she constantly reproaches us for the many things in which we seem to fall short.

A person who loves us does not plunge us into emotional misery by reminding us of everything we are not good at. If we don't seem to be up to the standard he or she expects, why keep dating him or her? The best thing we can do is to protect our mental health from such acidic criticism and leave him or her aside.

People who constantly criticize those they supposedly love may do so for several reasons, including keeping their "loved one" in check, making sure they have low self-esteem and don't end up dating or hanging out with other people, or they may be so dissatisfied with themselves that they need to criticize us to make themselves feel better. In either case you are in a clearly toxic relationship.

4. Shows a very bad temper

We all have a bad day sometimes and, no matter how calm we may normally be, some days we may have a fit of anger and take it out on people or objects. Not that this is ideal behavior, but we are all human and sometimes nerves and anger can get the better of us, especially in tense situations.

But one thing is to have a bad day and another is to have them every day.. In this second case we may be facing a problem of anger control and, if our loved one shows a very strong character, it may be a sign that it does not suit us. The first thing we should do is to try to help him/her, to motivate him/her to visit a psychologist but, if he/she does not want to, perhaps the time has come to leave his/her side a little bit.

5. He does not let us have our space

There are people that more than loved ones are controlling limpets that do not leave us free not even for a single second.. If our partner, friend or relative is all the time accompanying us, wanting to know what we do and stop doing, no matter how innocently and peacefully they do it, it is still a controlling behavior. They get to be so pending of our lives that they are truly insufferable.

This is not a sufficient reason to tell him/her that we no longer want to have any kind of relationship with him/her, but it is a reason to give him/her a wake-up call. We must make it clear to him/her that we want him/her to respect our vital space and, in case he/she does not understand it, we will tell him/her that we have decided to free ourselves from him/her.

6. He/she does not share anything with us

In every healthy relationship both parties, whether friends, family or partner, give and receive, otherwise what is the point of a relationship? Those who value each other do favors for each other, help each other and show respect and love for each other, whether it is fraternal or romantic.whether fraternal or romantic.

If the person who claims to be our friend or partner asks and asks us but never gives, we are dealing with a cheeky, selfish, self-serving, self-interested and self-centered person. We deserve to be pampered and that person must fulfill his part, otherwise the relationship, which after all is a social treaty, is not being fulfilled. Reciprocity is a key element in every human relationship.

Summary

As we were saying, there is no unequivocal and categorical answer to the question of how to identify people who do not suit you. Everyone is as they are, and there are personalities that may seem toxic to us but are within normality, and there are also those who can tolerate people who have more difficult traits but who are neither bad people, nor selfish or unselfish.

In human relationships it is inevitable to have a fight or a misunderstanding, but it is also a matter of time before a solution is reached and all parties involved are satisfied. and everyone involved ends up satisfied. Our mistakes and defects are what define us and help us learn, something that also applies to the field of social relationships. By making mistakes with our partner, friends or family, we learn vital lessons.

However, there are many people who do not necessarily suit us and with the signs we have just discussed we have a fairly easy guide on how to identify them. Of course, we must take into account the characteristics and situation of the person who does not seem to suit us but, be that as it may, what we must prioritize is our own welfare. If a relationship makes us feel bad, it is because that relationship does not suit us.

Bibliographical references:

• Stamateas, B. (2011) Gente Tóxica. Ediciones B, S.A. (Barcelona).
• McNamee, S. and Gergen, K.J. (1996) La terapia como construcción social. Barcelona: Paidós.
• Minuchin, S. (1982). Familias y terapia familiar Buenos Aires: Gedisa.