How to know when to end a relationship?

Some criteria to know at what point of deterioration of the relationship is worth breaking up.

All relationships have ups and downs, which is healthy and normal. However, sometimes, after a tense situation or an argument, we have doubts about whether the relationship has a future or not.

The problem is that it is not so easy to know if our partner or marriage is in such a bad situation that it would be best to end it once and for all.

For this reason, many people many people wonder how to know when to end a relationship.This is why many people wonder how to know when to end a relationship, since deciding to end it for something that, in reality, is not so serious, can be a big mistake, while not deciding to end it when you are in a relationship that simply does not offer you anything, is not a plan either.

In this article we are going to see clues that indicate that, perhaps, our relationship has already reached a point where it is necessary to end it..

How to know when to end a relationship?

Ending a relationship is something very serious. It can not be taken lightly, nor expect that, if we have been wrong to cut, in the future the relationship will be restored as if nothing had happened. It is for this reason that it is necessary to reflect in depth on the state of the relationship, if it is really necessary to break up, or if there is an alternative that will benefit the relationship. or if there is an alternative that benefits both.

Next, we will see questions that we should ask ourselves and clues that we can see that indicate that the time has come to end the relationship.

1. Is this the relationship I want?

Although life is not always rosy, we must be clear that dating someone must offer us some kind of emotional benefit.. When we go out with someone we should do it because we want to, because we like being with him or her.

If we want something else, if we want the relationship to take another course, or if we simply don't feel comfortable, that could indicate that we are not dating the right person.

Continuing a dead relationship is something that won't help either of us.. We must stop thinking "if I leave her she will suffer" or "she is having a hard time and I don't want to bring her down any further". Continuing with this is going to make you feel even more upset. It's time to take action and get it over with.

2. What do I gain and what do I lose by continuing or breaking up?

Many times, even though it is clear to us that the relationship is dying, we insist on trying to keep it alive, like someone who keeps watering plants that are more than parched. The plants are dead, just like the relationship.

Breaking up with a person is not a happy thing. It is a sad event for both of us, but necessary if, by continuing the relationship, we lose our freedom and emotional well-being. The fear of what we might lose is an emotion that paralyzes us, but if we think carefully about what we gain if we end the relationship, it may motivate us to take the first step. if we think carefully about what we gain if we end the relationship, it may motivate us to take the first step..

3. Can the relationship be saved?

The relationship should not be broken without first thinking deeply if it still has some kind of solution. There may be communication problems or misunderstandings that have been growing like a snowball and now we are facing a glacier.

But snow and ice melt. Talking about the problems, what was not understood or what was misunderstood can begin the process of healing for the couple. However, if the other person does not want to and there is no way to deal with it, a good option is to go to couple's therapy. so that the professional can offer you guidelines and strategies to solve your relationship.

If none of this works, or if the other person simply does not want to talk about the problem, it will be best for both of you, especially for you, to end the relationship.

4. Is there anything I can't accept about my partner?

No one is perfect, and we can all change, for better or for worse. There are many things about our partner that we don't necessarily like, and we would like him or her to make an effort to be a better person.

However, if we are always thinking about what she or he should change for us, it may indicate that we do not like him or her.If, however, we are always thinking about what she or he should change for us, it may indicate that we do not like the person we are intimate with. It may also be that she or he wants us to change ourselves.

Trying to make our partner someone better, or her trying to change us, is healthy, as long as it is not approached with emotional blackmail or trying to change something that is part of her or our personality.

If we love that person, or she loves us, it is very healthy to accept her strengths and defects, as long as the latter are not detrimental to our personality.as long as the latter do not harm the health of both of us.

5. You are ashamed to go out with your partner

This indicator is very clear. If when you go out with your friends you are too embarrassed for them to meet your partner, or you simply do not feel any interest or joy in getting to know them, this means that you do not feel comfortable dating that person, as long as there is no social pressure against this relationship (for example, in fundamentalist religious families).

As a rule, everyone is excited when their best friends meet the person they have been intimate with for the past few months. Everyone wants to know to know what their friends think about their new partner, and how they see them dating..

Certainly, some people are more shy than others, and we may not see our date as being very in tune with how our friends are, but from there to not wanting to introduce them out of embarrassment is a big difference.

If we go out with someone we like, we shouldn't keep her hidden from our family circle or friends like someone who buys a piece of clothing and keeps it in the closet because he or she considers that it is not the right time for it.

6. You feel that it is your partner who is ashamed of you.

It can happen just the opposite of the previous case: it is your partner who does not want to introduce you to his friends and family. While it is true that he may think that you will not feel comfortable with his friends, another reason is that he considers you a person who should not be introduced to society. that he considers you a person who should not be presented in society, either because he does not see you as a serious relationship or because he is ashamed of you.Either because he doesn't see you as a serious relationship or because he is ashamed of you.

Each person is worth his or her own, and the last thing you should consent to is for a person you are supposed to be dating to feel that you should not be introduced to others.

If he or she feels that you shouldn't meet his or her friends, that can be taken to mean that he or she doesn't want you to be a part of his or her world. This is a very clear clue that it would be best to get out of his or her life, given that has given us signs that he or she does not want us to be in his or her world..

7. You are in a manipulative relationship

If there is manipulation, run away. Manipulation, emotional blackmail, control... all these actions are not healthy at all. They are not appropriate dynamics to live happily as a couple..

It is not easy to end this type of relationship, and you should never rely on the two of you being alone to break it off easily. It is highly recommended to rely on a friend to be present, or to do it from a distance if you think there may be a violent reaction.

8. There is no respect

It is normal for a couple to have some criticism, but there should never be humiliation or abusive criticism.

If your partner tells you something that you do not want to hear, but he/she does it with the intention of making you a better person and says it with respect, that is fine. On the other hand, if he/she uses sarcastic and acidic comments, or simply treats you like dirt, it is clear that the relationship is not going well, it is clear that the relationship is not going well and that your mental health is at risk..

9. Only you are looking for moments of intimacy

Intimacy, expressed in bed or on the couch with caresses, kisses, cuddles and, of course, sex, is one of the pillars of any relationship. Sometimes it happens that she or he does not want to, something that should be respected because this is a matter of two, you should not force someone to do what he or she does not want.

However, it may happen that you are the only one who proposes moments of intimacy, while your partner always rejects them, making excuses that you do not believe.

You should not be afraid to talk about it, and ask him/her what is happening to him/herif everything is going well or if you feel uncomfortable with something. If there is a problem, you have to deal with it, and if you don't want to, maybe this relationship is doomed to fail.

10. You are pressured to have intimate moments

On the other hand, you may be the one who doesn't feel like it, but not necessarily always. There are times when we want sex and times when we don't, and no one should force us when we don't. no one should force us when we don't want it..

If you try to force us, whether you are a man or a woman, you are committing a serious violation of our sexual freedom, no matter how non-violent it may seem. No is no, even within the couple.

11. Your acquaintances have warned you to go out with someone else.

Although you should not end a relationship because others do not like it, the fact that our relatives, friends and even some not so close acquaintances have warned us that our relationship does not seem good is an indicator to take into account.

If they have concrete reasons or have seen something that seems to them to be reason enough to leave the relationship, we should try to see if this is really the case, we should try to see if this is really the case, or if they are right and they are thinking of our good..

12. You don't see a future

If you are a teenager and you are dating someone, it is clear that talking about a future together is a bit rash. At this age talking about getting married, having children and looking for a house are too adult thoughts.

However, if you are an adult and have had a partner for several years, it is inevitable that these thoughts will come to mind and, sooner or later, they will be discussed. It is not that all couples should get married and have children, but certainly a future together is something that should have been considered, because if not, what is the point of it?Otherwise, what's the point of continuing the relationship if you don't think it will last?

13. There are serious problems

Your partner abuses you physically or verbally, has cheated on you or you have cheated on him/her, gives you ultimatums that are not fulfilled, exploits you financially, separates you from your friends or family?

All these problems are serious and are a very clear sign that the relationship is dangerous.. In these cases you should talk to a lawyer, the police, therapist and family members so that they are aware of the situation and avoid, by all means possible, that something even worse happens.

14. Too many ups and downs

As we were saying, it is normal for relationships to have ups and downs. There are moments of great happiness and others in which there is tension, but they end up being solved.

The problem is when the relationship is good and bad every day, that is to say, there are too many moments of tension that are then, apparently, calmed by a lot of happiness.. Something is not working.

A relationship should be a source of security and well-being, not a continuous feeling of instability. Why do we want to have a boyfriend or girlfriend if they do not give us calm and tranquility?

15. You have separated

Many people, when they start a relationship, feel a deep love and are unable to spend time away from each other. This ends up, as time goes by, being less intense, but there is still a lot of love and desire to spend time together.

However, sometimes it happens sometimes it happens that the two people in love start to drift apart without realizing it.spending time together only once in a while, even though they are a couple. This is an indicator that the relationship is cooling down.

If the only thing you have in common is that you share a story, instead of spending time together or making an effort to spend an hour a day with each other, something is wrong.

It may be the case that the relationship has evolved from one of love to one of friendship with rights, and while that's not a bad thing, it does indicate that the love is a bit dead. You should talk it over and see if you will enhance the affection or move on to just being friends.

Bibliographical references:

• Biscotti, O. (2006). Terapia de Pareja: una mirada sistémica. Buenos Aires: Lumen.
• Christensen A., Atkins D.C., Baucom B., Yi J. (2010). "Marital status and satisfaction five years following a randomized clinical trial comparing traditional versus integrative behavioral couple therapy". Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology. 78 (2): pp. 225 - 235.