How to manage children’s temper tantrums? 7 useful tips

Some guidelines and recommendations on how to manage children's tantrums.

Your child has frequent tantrums and you don't know how to manage them? Do you work with children and often these episodes interfere with your work and you don't know how to act? Don't despair, in this article you will find 7 detailed guidelines on how to manage children's tantrums..

It is important to note, however, that beyond these guidelines, it will be important to intervene from empathy and respect, encouraging him/her, the acquisition of personal resources to cope with those moments of anger that sometimes even they do not know how to manage.

Tantrums in childhood

The tantrums of the children are moments of anger and rage, sometimes overflowed.They appear as a response to a stimulus, which can be internal (for example, being very sleepy) or external (for example, not being able to get something bought).

These usually appear at any age: from when they are very young, until after adolescence. You cannot (and should not) act in the same way with all of them, because each child is different and goes through his or her own process.

Moreover, the causes of tantrums are also different, the causes of temper tantrums are also very disparateimmaturity, low self-control, boredom, inadequate parenting styles, discomfort, sadness, lack of resources, low tolerance to frustration ....

Having said this, it is worth knowing the following guidelines on how to manage children's temper tantrums, which should always be adjusted to the age and developmental stage of the child.. In addition, it will be important to investigate the cause of the tantrum in order to prevent it and, in case it appears again, to act in a more effective and beneficial way for the child.

How to manage children's tantrums and tantrums.

These are tips on how to manage children's tantrums, adaptable to any age. Remember that it will be important to apply them at the right time, and knowing the child well, to be more effective.

1. Apply extinction

The first guideline we offer you on how to manage children's tantrums has to do with a highly effective behavior modification technique: extinction. This consists of stop paying attention to the child's behavior, which is maintained precisely because of this attention.The first guideline we offer you on how to manage children's tantrums has to do with a highly effective behavior modification technique: extinction.

For example, if a child cries because of a tantrum, because he wants to be listened to, and we always pay attention to him when he cries, we are maintaining this behavior. Or if, for example, a child always swears, and we constantly tell him: "don't say them", this is no longer effective. Practicing extinction implies "obviating" that behavior and not reinforcing it in any way.

Over time, behaviors that are put under extinction disappear.. Logically, not all behaviors can be put under extinction (for example, if they are dangerous behaviors), and each specific case should be analyzed.

2. Reason with them

Another interesting guideline that we can apply to children's tantrums is to reason with them. The conversation that we have with them should have the purpose of that they reflect on their behavior and on the purpose of it..

Finally, we should encourage them to explore new behavioral alternatives to apply, instead of tantrums, which, after all, do not provide anything positive. The important thing is to encourage reflection.

3. Talk to them about how they feel

Related to the previous guideline, it is also important to talk to them about how they are feeling at that moment. Often we will not be able to ask them when the tantrum occurs, and we must wait a reasonable time for the intensity of their response to diminish.

Once this happens, we can find a quiet time and space with them to talk about how they are feeling, why they are behaving that way, if there is something bothering them, etc. Often, behind a tantrum lies another feeling, which may be sadness.. Probing it will be beneficial for both parties.

4. Anticipate

The fourth guideline on how to manage children's tantrums has to do with anticipation, a key tool to avoid many inappropriate behaviors. This point is not at all easy, and must be worked on. Anticipating tantrums requires knowing our child well and empathizing with him/her as much as possible. empathizing with him/her as much as possible.

When we learn to detect small gestures of the face, the body, a specific type of language, an emotion, etc. in him/her, prior to the tantrum, we will be able to start acting. To anticipate, we should also know what our child may be feeling at that moment: Anger because he/she is among many people? Dissatisfaction because we have not bought him/her what he/she wanted? Excessive sleep because he/she has not slept well?

Depending on this, our response should be one or the other. For example, move him away from people if we are in a crowd, let him know that he will be able to sleep when we get home, etc.

5. Set limits that he/she can respect

It is very important, during the educational process, to set limits. However, "not all limits apply", and we must also be moderate in this regard. Saying NO to everything is not beneficial for them, and flexibility is the key..

Being flexible with their wishes, but also with their tantrums and needs, can help us to prevent tantrums. If children constantly run into the wall of NO that prevents them from doing anything, they may feel suffocated and, consequently, act with a tantrum.

That is why from here, we propose the following: Limits? Yes, but not for everything.

6. Play with them

Another guideline on how to manage children's tantrums is simply to play with them. Sometimes children's tantrums arise because they are bored, or because they have been "spoiled" by a plan they had in mind. they had in mind.

Faced with this, and always depending on the age of the child (adjusting to it), sometimes a good option is to play with them, distract them... Sometimes it is better to play down the importance of the tantrum, not letting it spread too much and acquire excessive importance.

7. Manage your anger too

When children have tantrums, it is normal to lose your temper at some point, to feel overwhelmed ... however, we must try to avoid that our anger also appears, as this often intensifies the child's response.

That is why it is important that we, as fathers, mothers, educators, therapists... keep calm and act from it.

Bibliographical references:

• BM Newman, PR Newman, XM Villela and RR Perez. (1986). Manual of child psychology. Mexico: Ediciones Ciencia y Técnica.
• Caballo, V. and Simón, M.A. (2002). Manual de Psicología Clínica Infantil y del adolescente. Trastornos generales. Pirámide. Madrid.
• Comeche, M.I. and Vallejo, M.A. (2016). Manual de terapia de conducta en la infancia. Dykinson. Madrid.