How to manage dishonesty in a couple relationship?

Tips to deal with the problem of dishonesty in a couple's love relationship.

Honesty in a couple is considered one of the fundamental pillars for a good relationship. Although it is easy to internalize the theory, in practice it turns out to be more complicated.

Many couples have a serious problem of insincerity, which, although by itself does not necessarily condemn the relationship, it can contribute to wear it down over time.

Below we will explore how to manage dishonesty in a couple's relationshipWe will now explore how to manage dishonesty in a relationship, understanding the importance of sincerity for any relationship to work in the best possible way.

What to do when faced with a lack of honesty in a couple relationship?

Honesty is a fundamental pillar in every couple relationship is one of the most heard sayings when talking about relationships. It seems that everyone is very clear about this truth, but it is also true that theory is easier than practice and that many couples have a serious honesty problem in their relationship. They want to be honest, but it costs them, and over time this can become a serious problem.

But, what do we mean by honesty in the couple? We could define it as being honest with our partner, both for the good and the bad.. There are those who, for example, feel sad and unmotivated in their relationship, but far from communicating their feelings to their partner they prefer to keep it to themselves, considering that it is better not to worry her, and to achieve this they put on a mask of happiness, trying to deceive themselves as much as, apparently, they are succeeding with their relationship.

Another sign of dishonesty can come in another, somewhat more toxic way, such as not liking our boyfriend to go out with his friends or to continue relating with his ex-partner. Here there is a jealousy problemHowever, far from exposing it or criticizing the fact that he is hanging out with his friends, we prefer to keep quiet because we are also aware that it is wrong to feel it, that it is a possessive behavior not to want him to hang out with his friends.

Another example of dishonesty is to be uncomfortable with what our partner does sometimes and, instead of telling him/her sincerely and kindly, we prefer to keep quiet because we think it's not a big deal or he/she will figure out what he/she is doing wrong. because we think that either it is no big deal or he will figure out what he is doing wrong. We also convince ourselves that we should not get upset about something like that, or that we do not have enough energy to keep repeating over and over again that we should not do things in such a way.

We could go on giving more examples that show a lack of honesty in the couple's relationship, both for rather banal things and for really serious matters. To say that the relationship will be irremediably doomed to failure simply because of a lack of honesty is not fair, but it will certainly not be an ideal relationship based on trust and sincerity because, basically, that is what it lacks.

How to improve honesty in the couple

While every couple is different and not all formulas are meant to work for everyone, there are certain things we can do to manage dishonesty in the relationship. All of them are aimed at making the couple more transparent, i.e., that its members are not so shy to say how they feel, that its members are not so shy to say how they feel and what makes them uncomfortable in their marital life or courtship..

1. Be sincere

This point is a truism, an advice that we all have internalized in our own manual of how a couple relationship should work well. But as we have said before, the theory is easy to understand, the practice, however, is difficult to apply.

It is necessary to understand that the lack of sincerity in the couple prevents an intimate life.. There is a lack of real connection because there are too many secrets, which, however innocent they may be, alienate us from our boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse, creating a strange relationship similar to the one we would have with a random acquaintance. Our partner is supposed to be our better half, and as such we should know the same about each other.

Whether it is because our partner wants to like us or because we are afraid of doing or saying something that will upset him/her, we end up lying, repressing our feelings and opinions and feeling bad about it. This type of behavior and emotions can be a heavy burden, so much so that it will end the relationship.

2. If he/she loves us, he/she will accept us as we are.

Lying and pretending to be who we are not is a behavior closely associated with the fear of being rejected for the way we are. People are social animals and we want to feel accepted and for that we decorate ourselves a little bit as we are, even if it means lying. Although our partner should accept us unconditionally, this fear of rejection is so strong that we don't even show ourselves as we are with her, this fear of rejection is so strong that we do not even show ourselves as we are with her..

If he/she loves us, he/she will accept us for better or worse. We cannot pretend to have a good relationship if we are not sure that the person with whom we share very private moments is not aware of how we really are. That is why we have to make an effort and open up and check if it is really worth dating that person.

If unfortunately he or she doesn't accept us as we are, the relationship will start to weaken and may break up, but it's better that than being trapped in a relationship. better that than being trapped in a relationship where there is the uncertainty of not knowing if we are really going to be loved for the way we are but we don't know it because we don't show it.

3. Without freedom there is no love

Getting attached to someone should not be interpreted as a loss of freedom. Yes, it is true that if we have a monogamous relationship dating other people behind our partner's back is not right, but that is not the "freedom" we mean.

When we say that without freedom there is no love it means that we have to share our opinions and behave the way we like, as long as it doesn't hurt other people.

Our own freedom makes our partner freer. Closely related to what we have already mentioned, if our partner loves us, he/she will accept us as we are, and this also includes how we behave and what we think. If he/she is not comfortable, it is of little use to continue with the relationship.

4. Do not blame our partner

Everyone makes mistakes from time to time, and what was initially a small mistake can snowball into a snowball that grows in size as time goes on. Small everyday gestures can be misinterpreted and lead to major cases of resentment that will damage the trust in the relationship..

Before reproaching anything, we must think coldly if there has been a bad intentionality, that is, if they have been done on purpose. Far from criticizing him/her in a burst of acid sincerity, we should ask him/her why he/she has done what has bothered us and tell him/her about it, without making him/her see it as a destructive criticism.

5. Let's talk things over

Things are solved by talking, and by talking we mean oral language, not Whatsapp messages, or notes, or nonverbal language of dubious interpretation. We must take our time to talk about those issues in the relationship that we want to discuss at length. It is best to set aside one day of the week to have an honesty session to discuss a session of sincerity and discuss what aspects of our relationship that may have arisen during the week have bothered us or that we think could be improved..

Even if there was absolutely nothing wrong to comment on, this moment is perfect to reaffirm our honesty with the person we love, showing transparency and demonstrating that we care about the relationship and want to share everything with them.

Bibliographical references:

• Hussain, M., Price, D.M., Gesselman, A.N., Shepperd, J.A., & Howell, J. L. (2020). Avoiding information about one's romantic partner. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407520969856.