How to minimize the negative impact of divorce on children.

Tips for cushioning the impact of parental divorce on the well-being of children.

It is estimated that around 50% of married couples end up divorcing. These figures refer to Spain (INCE, 2009) and it is estimated that this percentage is increasing.

We are currently undergoing numerous changes at the social level, relationships are conceived in multiple ways, there is an increasing diversity in the types of families and the idea of marriage as the only way to have a family of one's own is far from being the only way to have one's own.

Divorces are the order of the day and in fact these cases abound not only in the judicial sphere but also in psychological consultations, either because the person who is getting divorced or because he/she is not the only one to have a family of his/her own.The reason for this is that the person who is getting divorced needs psychological support during the process or because the parents see that this situation is affecting their children.How to minimize the negative impact of divorce on children.

• Tips for cushioning the impact of parental divorce on the well-being of children. It is estimated that around 50% of married couples end up divorcing. These figures refer to Spain (INCE, 2009) and it is estimated that this percentage is increasing.

We are currently undergoing numerous changes at the social level, relationships are conceived in multiple ways, there is an increasing diversity in the types of families and the idea of marriage as the only way to have a family of one's own is far from being the only way to have one's own.

What effect does divorce have on children?.

The effect that the divorce can have is very variable depending on different factors. Mainly

when parents are in a constant war, children can end up developing some kind of psychological disorder (anxiety, depression, maladjustment, etc.).

(anxiety, depression, social maladjustment, etc.). But what the studies show us is that most children will go through a period of transition to adapt to the situation so that they will not necessarily develop problems later on.The main maladjustments that children tend to have are

problems in school performance as well as a maladjustment in the emotional and/or social sphere.

On the other hand, it is important to mention that nowadays divorce is no longer an exception but has become normalized and therefore it is easier for the child to find other people of his/her age who are going through, or have gone through, the same situation. This makes the impact of divorce much less.

What can parents do?A priority without a doubt is the cordial relationship that fathers and mothers must maintain with their children.

• . It seems obvious that the more disputes the parents have, the more the process will affect the children. Therefore, it is necessary that both parents maintain a conciliatory attitude or, at least, that they try to eliminate conflicts in front of them. There are some recommendations to minimize the impact of the divorce; they are the following.

1. Explain the situation to the child

2. Make sure they understand the explanation We must make sure that they understand what we have explained, that they know that the situation is not reversible and that they understand that what is happening does not affect how we feel about them. It will be explained to them that they will have to adapt to some changes, but that .

that what has happened is not his/her fault, since sometimes the lack of

Sometimes lack of information and discussions lead them to think this.

3. Resolve their doubts

It is normal that after all the information, doubts will arise and as far as possible we should try to solve them. When we do not have an answer to a question, it is preferable to tell the truth: "the truth is that I do not know this yet, but as soon as we have it clear, I will tell you". We should avoid giving false illusions or explanations based on assumptions that we do not know if they can be fulfilled.

4. Describe the changes

If we explain beforehand with whom he/she will live with, how many days he/she will spend with the other parent and which things will change and which will remain the same, it will be easier for him/her to adapt to the new situation.

5. Understand their emotions

The child will go through a process of adaptation, as will the couple, who will have to deal with the "grief" of separation. . It is therefore important that we show openness, take an interest in how the child feels and leave space for his or her emotions without trying to eliminate them. It is normal that at the beginning he/she is sad, angry or even scared. We will have to explain that it is common to go through these emotions and help him/her during the process.6. Avoid speaking ill of the other

One of the main mistakes made by ex-partners is to speak ill of the other parent to the children. In the end if we fall into this we will be depriving them of something essential for their proper development, both emotionally and socially.

7. Avoid using children as intermediaries. Just as one should avoid badmouthing the other person, it is often the case that children are used as a means to influence the behavior and decisions of the other spouse, children are often used as a means of influencing the behavior and decisions of the other spouse.

. Often we do not take into account the effects this has on the children, but in the long run we will not be doing them any favors.

Looking for help?