How to overcome the feeling of loneliness by connecting with others.

Tips on how to break that feeling of isolation and achieve emotionally meaningful relationships.

The feeling of loneliness is one of the forms of discomfort most often seen and addressed in psychotherapy consultations. Sometimes it appears in people who suffer mainly because of their difficulties in meeting people or achieving deep and satisfying affective connections: in other cases, this feeling is a consequence of a psychological disorder that makes it difficult to relate well with others.

In any case, it is not necessary to suffer from a psychopathology for feeling lonely to be seen as a serious problem. Therefore, in this article we will see several strategies to connect with others and cope with the feeling of loneliness..

Being lonely is not the same as feeling lonely

Let's start by defining the problem: what is the feeling of loneliness? In this case, we are talking about a set of emotions and feelings of a negative nature (i.e. associated with displeasure) that persistently remain in a person's daily life and are related to his or her dissatisfaction with the quality and/or quantity of emotionally meaningful personal relationships.. That is to say, that although in certain specific situations we can "feel lonely" (for example, when we go in the morning to meditate in a forest), in this case we are talking about an experience that shapes how a person experiences his life as a whole, and that produces discomfort.

Thus, it should be noted that feeling alone is not the same as being alone, if not surrounded by many people on a frequent basis. There are those who are perfectly happy with hardly any interaction with other human beings, and there are those who feel lonely despite being very popular. The main criterion for delimiting what it is to feel lonely is provided by oneself, and is unique to each individual.

Thus, we conclude that while being lonely need not always be negative, feeling lonely is generally a problem that produces a greater or lesser level of dissatisfaction. Let's see what to do to remedy it.

What to do about the feeling of loneliness?

Here are several key ideas to keep in mind to deal with the feeling of loneliness.

Take the problem for what it is.

Many people who suffer from the feeling of loneliness fall into the trap of believing that this is the way of life to which they are condemned, something irremediable and that it has to do with their identity and their way of being. Seen in perspective it seems irrational, but it must be taken into account that after many past experiences in which one has felt frustration, disappointment, sadness and ultimately dissatisfaction with personal relationships, it is "easy" to get carried away by this idea.

Therefore, the first thing to do to overcome the feeling of loneliness is to become aware that no one is predestined to suffer because of it.. It is a problem (not a condemnation) to which it is possible to find solutions, and we cannot let this pessimism lead us to self-sabotage or not even try to improve our situation.

2. Seek help

Seeking help is, on the one hand, an effective way to get to know people and/or strengthen ties, and on the other hand, it is a declaration of intentionsIt makes no sense to consider overcoming loneliness if we are going to be hiding our feelings and vulnerabilities.

Of course, this does not mean trying to emotionally hijack others by pitying them (something that does no good for any of the parties involved), but rather giving relevant information about ourselves and our psychological state, and exploring possible solutions together, with support available.

Depending on the degree of discomfort produced by this feeling of loneliness, it is advisable to go beyond asking for help from family and friends and to to go to psychological therapy.. In this way, a professional will approach your case in a personalized way and will be committed to provide tools to improve emotional management and socialization and communication strategies, and to monitor your progress. In addition, psychotherapy may be what you need to treat possible psychological disorders associated with loneliness: depression, social phobia, etc.

3. Exploit the potential of the Internet

Nowadays, the Internet makes it possible to meet and befriend people from almost anywhere in the world. Platforms such as social networks, forums or websites for fans of specific hobbies are a medium in which thousands of people establish relationships every day.. In addition, the fact that you don't have to initiate a face-to-face conversation from the beginning makes things much easier, as well as the fact that you have profiles where you can read and write about each other's interests and ways of being.

Just be sure to set limits on your use of these digital platforms so that they don't take up most of your free time or prevent you from having access to face-to-face relationships.

4. Take care of your physical and mental health

Taking care of yourself will not only allow you to have a better image, but it will also help you to look your best, will give you self-confidence and strengthen your emotional management skills, which is very important in establishing and maintaining functional personal relationships.This is very important for establishing and maintaining functional personal relationships. Therefore, get enough sleep, maintain a good level of personal hygiene, keep fit by exercising frequently, and eat well.

5. Stay intellectually active

Exposure to culture will help you not only to learn more about the society in which you live, but also to learn about other points of view and be more likely to find common ground with others.

6. Listen and care about others

Leaving behind the feeling of loneliness is not just about letting others satisfy your need to connect with someone else.It is a two-way process in which you both contribute and can feel useful. Therefore, make sure you are there when others need you, show interest in understanding their points of view, and adopt the principles of active listening. Only if you notice that they demand more from you than they give you, consider breaking with that dynamic.

Are you interested in psychotherapy services?

If you are considering starting a psychotherapy process and you are interested in having the help of mental health professionals, we invite you to contact us.

At Avance Psychologists we have been treating patients for more than 20 years, and we currently offer our services to individual patients of any age, as well as to families and couples. We work in the areas of psychotherapy, couple or family therapy, psychiatry, neuropsychology and coaching, and sessions can be conducted in person at our center in Madrid or through online therapy.

Bibliographical references:

• Jaremka, L.M.; Fagundes, C.P.; Glaser, R.; Bennett, J.M.; Malarkey, W.B.; Kiecolt-Glaser, J.K. (2013). Loneliness predicts pain, depression, and fatigue: Understanding the role of immune dysregulation. Psychoneuroendocrinology, 38(8): pp. 1310 - 1307.
• Karnick, P.M. (2005). Feeling lonely: Theoretical perspectives. Nursing science quarterly. SAGE Journals.
• Larson, R.; Csikszentmihalyi, M.; Graef, R. (1982). Time alone in daily experience: Loneliness or renewal?. En Peplau, Letitia Anne; Perlman, Daniel. Loneliness: A sourcebook of current theory, research and therapy. New York: John Wiley and Sons. pp. 41 - 53.
• Scalise, J.J., Ginter, E.J., Gerstein, L.H. (1984). Multidimensional loneliness measure: the loneliness rating scale (LRS). Journal of Personality. Taylor & Francis.
• Stravynski, A.; Boyer, R. (2001). Loneliness in Relation to Suicide Ideation and Parasuicide: A Population-Wide Study. Suicide and Life-Threatening Behavior, 31(1): pp. 32 - 40.