How to Recognize Someone with Low Self-Esteem: 4 Simple Tips

A series of basic tips on how to recognize someone with low self-esteem problems.

Psychologists are trained to immediately recognize the indicators that a patient has low self-esteem. But... But what about ordinary people who don't have a background in psychology?

Whether you're just starting to date, or you've changed jobs and now have a new boss, or you want to make new friends, here are a few simple tips that will help you identify when a person has low self-esteem, so you can be forewarned and better prepared.So that you are forewarned and better prepared for the eventual emergency of any conflict.

How to identify someone with low self-esteem

These are some of the characteristics that allow you to recognize someone with low self-esteem.

1. Pessimistic bias about themselves

People with low self-esteem, by definition, have a poor opinion of themselves. This leads them to believe that others see them as they see themselves, in a very unfavorable way.They take it for granted that if they feel low self-esteem, they will be seen in a very unfavorable light. They take it for granted that if they feel unintelligent, uninteresting or unattractive, it is because they are necessarily unintelligent, uninteresting or unattractive.

They lose sight of the fact that their own negative opinion is not reality, but only one possible opinion among many others. But of course, since this idea is a product of their own thinking, and thinking is an invisible process, they end up confusing what they believe with what others believe.

"People realize that I am stupid," one patient said to me. "That's your opinion, we don't know what others think," I replied, "We could ask them."

I put this point first because it underlies those that follow.

2. Seeking external validation

Those with low self-esteem need praise and flattery like the air they breathe.. In this sense, they are demanding and highly sensitive. They invest great effort looking for some recognition from others that will make them feel a little better.

On one occasion, I overheard a girl say to what seemed to be her romantic interest, "I am the ugliest person in the world". She was no doubt looking for the guy to reply something like, "Not at all. I've met people much uglier than you."

For someone with impaired self-esteem, a comment like that can be a big turn-off, a comment like that can be a great comfort and encouragement..

3. Tendency to personalization and self-referencing.

People who go through this way of perceiving reality attribute malevolence to other people when things do not turn out as they expected.. They become convinced that others seek to harm them on purpose, even in ambiguous cases or in the absence of compelling reasons to think so.

When this happens, they typically respond in two opposite and stereotypical ways: they become distressed and depressed, or they become defensive and then fight back. A third option combines the previous two.

"Do you think you have any share of responsibility for what happened?", I asked a patient who had just recounted to me an argument with his partner.

"Are you telling me that I'm to blame for everything?" he replied, visibly angry.

4. Extreme comments about their virtues

Another typical characteristic of these people is that they frequently disqualify themselves, or on the contrary exaggerate and magnify their own achievements, especially when these are small or not very relevant.

They are easily recognized when they are heard talking about their profession or work, which they come to consider of unusual importance or sometimes the panacea itself. They need to believe this in order to feel they have an important place in the world..

Not long ago, I heard two female astrologers arguing on a television program.

"Astrology is a science," one of them vehemently asserted. "No, it is not. It's just a discipline, but not a science," said the other, visibly more relaxed. "I tell you yes, it is a science! All my life I've been involved in astrology and I tell you it is a science!".

Now guess which of the two women has low self-esteem and which has solid self-esteem?