How to talk to a friend with suicidal thoughts: tips for providing support.

Guidelines for talking to a friend with suicidal thoughts.

Talking about suicide is a taboo subject in our society, but talking about it is nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to feel guilty about.

We may think that it is something that is unlikely to happen to us, that suicide only happens to very depressed people, something that is "easy" to see. However, there are many people who have suicidal thoughts.

Knowing how to talk to a friend with suicidal thoughts, or who we think might have them, is not easy (or comfortable to talk to).is not easy (or easy to put into practice), but it is better to be safe than to face the loss of a loved one. Next we will see how to do it.

How to talk to a friend with suicidal thoughts?

We may not think about it, but the truth is that depression and its associated problems are a very common ailment. Every day, walking down the street, we come across hundreds of people who may feel despair, deep sadness, helplessness and, more often than we would like to believe, suicidal thoughts. Whether it is a friend, a family member or our neighbor, there are many who fantasize about ending their lives and, unfortunately, there are also many who carry it out.

There are several causes that may be behind a person wanting to commit suicide, but this does not make the problem more obvious and easier to see. People who have these kinds of thoughts do not share them just like that and are even afraid that someone will notice. The society in which we live means that, if it is already difficult to talk about totally healthy and normal feelings, it is even more difficult to express something that is generally seen as something to be ashamed of.

You don't have to be a psychologist to help save a life in the face of the risk of someone committing suicide.. Despite feeling ashamed to share their thoughts, what many of these patients want is to have their fears and feelings heard without being judged. Many fear that they will be seen as weak, taking the "easy" way out, but in reality, expressing their fears, their fears, their dissatisfaction with their life makes them truly courageous, and we, as good friends, must listen to them and support them. We must do everything we can to overcome their problem and change their outlook on life.

What we are going to see throughout this article are a series of aspects to take into account when talking to someone we think might have suicidal thoughts. It may not be so, we may have thought what it is not, but the simple fact of asking someone if they want to end their life can help us to avoid it.

Far from what is believed, talking openly about this issue can prevent them from ending their life.. In the event that this is not the case, although he may even get angry for having been asked, we will be reassured to find out that it is not the case.

Your feelings are not an embarrassment

When talking to a friend with suicidal thoughts, we should avoid treating the problem as a reason for suicide. we should avoid treating the problem as a source of shame and blaming the person.. Suicide should be approached openly, since it is too serious a subject to leave things unsaid. Openly discussing the issue is a protective factor, since the more people know what is really going on, the sooner they can intervene. In addition, if the person sees that someone cares about him or her, he or she may have a greater will to live.

This, unfortunately, is the opposite of what many loved ones do. There are many parents, siblings, friends and other close people who explicitly tell those who have these kinds of thoughts not to tell other people, so as not to worry them or make them think the wrong thing. Although well-meaning and concerned, these people are not aware that their "advice" may aggravate the situation even further.

Telling a person with suicidal thoughts not to talk openly about them contributes to making them ashamed of having them, something they already feel.They are already ashamed of having them. In addition, this makes them feel worse because they feel guilty for worrying someone who already knows, making their depression even worse. To top it all off, if more people accidentally find out that you have suicidal thoughts, you will feel worse because you have not been able to hide it. All of this increases the chances that you will commit suicide.

As we have already mentioned, it is better to talk openly about it than to hide it. If the person wants to commit suicide, the best way to prevent it is to know as soon as possible. If the person has no suicidal thoughts at all, we have simply asked an uncomfortable question, nothing more. The belief that talking about suicide increases the chances of committing it is not true. The more information we know about what is happening, the better, and the more help we can offer.

Emotional intelligence: our best ally

At first glance, trying to understand a person with suicidal thoughts is difficult if you have never experienced this kind of thoughts. However, it is not impossible, nor does it mean that we do not understand. A fundamental aspect of understanding a friend with this type of thoughts and knowing how to help him/her is to put yourself in their shoes, make a mental effort to understand their situation and try to imagine what they do and do not want to hear.. In other words, cultivate emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is our best ally in dealing with such a delicate issue as wanting to commit suicide, but it is also useful for any other aspect of life that is directly related to emotions. Few people realize it, but not all of us feel the same way or experience the things around us in the same way. It must be understood that everyone, with his or her personality and feelings, is different.

Emotional intelligence as it is conceptualized today is understood as the ability to put into practice two skills. On the one hand, we have intrapersonal intelligence, which is the ability to understand, identify and manage one's own emotions, while on the other hand we have interpersonal intelligence, which is the ability to recognize, understand and comprehend the emotions of others.

Both can be useful for us to talk openly with a person whom we suspect might have suicidal thoughts, but the interpersonal one is especially useful. Through it we can try to think about how we would feel ourselves, what we would not like to be told, and how words, however well-intentioned, can be painful or even make the situation worse.. We must think about the possible consequences of our approach to the problem.

Empathy is a must. In addition, we must try to put ourselves in her place, try to take her point of view, think about what has led her to take such a radical option as wanting to commit suicide. From the outside it may seem that it is not so bad but, as we have said, everyone is as they are and our lives are very different. The extreme despair and sadness involved in depression does not happen just like that, there is a good reason.

Calling in an emergency

Suicidal thoughts are not synonymous with imminent suicide.. There are even people who fantasize about their death and wonder what would happen if they decided to end their life that they were never going to commit it. However, it is clear that the simple fact of having this type of ideas in the mind is not something very flattering. When a friend tells us that he or she is having suicidal thoughts, it is something to be concerned about and to intervene as soon as possible.

If we talk about it with our friend and he/she tells us, explicitly and clearly, that he/she wants to commit suicide and will do it soon, it is clear that we are facing an emergency. It is a matter of days, perhaps hours, for a loved one to end his or her life. Therefore, what we must do at that precise moment is what we must do at that precise moment is to pick up a telephone and call the emergency services.. If we are not close to the person we think is going to commit suicide, we should contact someone close to him, tell him and also call the police, indicating where he lives or where he might be now.

In case he/she tells us that he/she fantasizes or has thought of committing suicide but does not appear to be going to do so in the short term, we should also intervene. We should not let our guard down or believe that it is a phase, that when what is worrying him will be "fixed" he will be happy and content as a baby. We should be concerned, but fortunately we have more room for maneuver compared to the previous case. The fact that he is not going to do it today does not mean that he does not have a plan already prepared. There is a risk that he may take his own life.

We must consult with professional help such as a specialized psychologist, primary care and also with the information services so that they can tell us how we can help and what we can do (Telephone of Hope: 717 003 717). We should provide these professionals with all the data we have at our disposal, details that we have been able to get clear from our open conversation with him or her about his or her suicidal thoughts. Any information we can give them will help them to guide us and explain what we should do.

Referencias bibliográficas:

• Weisner, L. (2020). How to talk to a suicidal friend. Psyche.co. Extraido de https://psyche.co/guides/how-to-talk-about-suicide-and-save-the-life-of-a-loved-one.
• Hjelmeland, H., Hawton, K., Nordvik, H., Bille-Brahe, U., De Leo, D., Fekete, S., Grad, O., Haring, C., Kerkhof, J. F., Lönnqvist, J., Michel, K., Renberg, E. S., Schmidtke, A., Van Heeringen, K., & Wasserman, D. (2002). Why people engage in parasuicide: a cross-cultural study of intentions. Suicide & life-threatening behavior, 32(4), 380–393. https://doi.org/10.1521/suli.32.4.380.22336.
• Maris, R. W., Berman, A. L., Silverman. (2000). Comprehensive Textbook of Suicidology. New York. The Guilford Press.
• Silverman, M. M. (2006). The Language of Suicidology. Suicide and Life-Threatening Behavior: Vol. 36, No. 5, pp. 519 - 532.