I can’t leave my partner: anxiety due to fear of breakup

The fear of facing fundamental relationship problems is a major source of discomfort.

Unfortunately, the problem of not facing the desire to break up with a partner because of the not facing the desire to break up a relationship because of the fear that this idea gives.. If this happens to you, the first thing to know is that you are not alone and that many other people suffer from fake love.

In this article I want to talk to you about that dependent love, that we experience towards someone we cannot leave because he/she treats us well, is a beautiful person, but unfortunately we are not strong enough to achieve that separation for reasons that we will see later.

Dependent love: characteristics of this problem

The causes for which this phenomenon is given are diverse. For example, it happens in cases where our partner fails in one area of the relationship (sex) but in the other fulfills (leisure), or we simply feel accompanied by him/her.

If something like this happens to you, read on for some behavioral guidelines, but first let's look at several key ideas to make a decision as correct as possible and, if necessary, take the plunge.

The value of honesty in relationships

Pretending love is not good, not real, and not a good investment.. You have to feel love. Of course, it evolves and you will not feel the same after three years of relationship as after one month, let's not fool ourselves. When I speak of investment is when you tell yourself that you are going to give yourself some more time, since perhaps you are going through a bad patch; surely this is not casual and you have been giving yourself some more time (which should be about a year). Don't fool yourself and stop prolonging the unalterable.

Possible causes.

The patients with whom I have spoken about this problem, always tell me that they are with another person who does not fulfill them completely for one of these reasons:

• Commitment: we have many things in common, such as the mortgage, the children... or even, great plans for the future assured.
• Fear of the later: if I leave my partner I will be forced to go back to my parents.
• Comfort: for now with this person I have peace of mind, even if I don't feel anything for him/her and we haven't slept together for three months.
• Living thinking about tomorrow: today I am with my partner, but as soon as I find another partner I will leave him/her.

Before leaving our current partner, it is important that we make a good analysis of why we are with him/her.. Notice that many times we have convinced ourselves and molded ourselves to a reality that is very false; the reasons exposed above make us convince ourselves that we are in the most logical thing but it is not more than a patch on something that soon or late will take its toll.

It is important to be conscious that to be in couple supposes a series of feelings or ideas that arise in the loving relations that enjoy good state, and that are the following ones:

• Love.
• Happiness.
• Commitment.
• Predilection.
• Dedication.

Key questions to orient yourself

Sometimes it is very hard to feel that the other person could have done many things for us, or that, for example, if we leave him/her, we will be very lonely. Faced with this, you have to ask yourself several questions to start with:

• Do I have a past breakup that is weighing me down in my current relationship and I have not overcome? Many times people say "one nail pulls out another nail", and this is a big mistake.
• How long can I go on faking this? Imagine a lifetime of pretending to feel something you don't want to.
• Am I linking my current situation (i.e. living in a city for studies) to being with this person for entertainment? Sometimes, selfishly, we think that if we leave that person we will run out of plans on the weekends and be bored out of our minds.
• Is it better to look like a fake or a real person? Ask yourself this question and maybe it will help you too. Pretending is only going to help you create a fake relationship.

In conclusion, this type of behavior will only help us to create fake relationships.Sooner or later this kind of couples end up in infidelities, and ending a relationship after this problem is quite hard and unpleasant, so it is better to find a solution as soon as possible.

Do you need the help of a specialist?

My name is Javier Ares, I am a Health Psychologist.and I help people with their relationship problems. If you wish we can have an online consultation from the comfort of your home. I offer a wide schedule.