’I’m getting stood up a lot’: 5 tips on what to do

Tips to know how to manage the stand-ups without giving more power to the discomfort they generate.

It always happens that we had a plan with a friend, a special person or simply with someone we met last week and, in the end, they don't show up.

We all have unforeseen events and, also, we may not like to meet up one day, but there is a big difference between having a bad day and not being able to meet up and directly standing others up systematically.

Being stood up every now and then is not good for our self-esteem since no one wants to feel rejected. If you are one of those who often complains "I get stood up all the time", this article is for you.. Let's look at a few tips on what to do.

I often get stood up: what can I do?

Most of us enjoy meeting other people to go to a bar, a restaurant, take a walk, or simply stay at an acquaintance's house. Whether it's a friend, a boyfriend or a date, the truth is that meeting someone is often a moment of interaction that is part of the human need for sociability. We may call ourselves "antisocial," but in most cases we enjoy spending time with other people..

Unfortunately, sometimes our plans are cut short. After showering, getting dressed, getting ready and getting ready to meet our date, our group of friends or simply to see someone we haven't seen for a long time, we are told that we can't meet, that something has happened. He may not even tell us anything at all, he is either waiting for us to guess or, as surprising (and irritating) as it may seem to us, he forgot that he had booked today with us.

One, two or a few more times is tolerable. Everyone has an unforeseen event once in a while and there is no reason to feel bad about not being able to make it. We must recognize that even we ourselves can get lazy one day and assertively decide to cancel the plan. Now, if we get stood up a lot, it is common to think that something is wrong and even think that it is our fault.We may even think that it is our fault, that the person who was supposed to like to see us turns out not to be that interested in us at the end of the day.

The reasons behind a person standing us up are many and, really, if we do not talk about things or ask him/her why he/she did not show up when we had agreed, it is impossible for us to guess the reason for his/her standing up. Whatever happened (or whatever he wanted), we can hardly do anything for him, but we can for us. We can continue to a series of tips on how to better manage the stand-off so that at least we don't get a bigger disappointment than what it already means to be stood up.

1. Try to locate our date

First of all, we should not assume that we have been stood up for no reason. Sometimes things happen, and something bad may have happened to our date. Whether it is a trusted friend, a new friend or a potential partner, the best thing to do is to try to locate him or her, to find out if something has happened to explain his or her tardiness or absence.

This is something we may not consider with a person who has stood us up before, but it is best to at least try to see where he is. If he's still at home and doesn't seem to be getting ready, then at least we know we've been expecting too much.

It may sound strange, but there really are people who forget that they had an appointment. It's not that they are bad people, they are just forgetful and by locating them and reminding them that they had a plan, the situation can be solved to some extent.. The sit-in is already assured, but at least we know that it is not voluntary.

If, on the other hand, they don't even deign to give us any sign of life or it sounds like they are making up an excuse not to meet, then it is clear that this person doesn't give a damn about us. In this case, let him or her stay at home, we'd better have the party by ourselves.

2. Do not lose your temper

It is obvious that being stood up is not going to be good for us, but it is not worth losing your temper for someone who has not come, either consciously or simply because he/she has forgotten.

When we know that the person who was supposed to come is not coming, the best thing we can do is to prevent the situation from getting worse. We must try to keep calm, avoid getting angry and much less call and reproach the other party for not coming.

We have the right to be angry, of that there is no doubt, but we must also try to keep a cool mind because in the heat of the moment a lot of nonsense can be said and we never know if something serious has really happened or if the other person has started to feel anxious and has cancelled plans at the last minute because he/she doesn't know how to manage it.

Besides, what's the point of getting angry when we've been stood up again? If it's something that has happened to us before, we can't lose our cool every time it happens, as we will lose a lot of mental health over time. Better accept it and start to stop counting on that person for future plans..

3. Don't feed the drama

It sounds strange to think that we can act normal when we've just been stood up. It is possible that the other party does not know how to see the negative side of not having warned with enough time that he/she was not going to come.

It may be that he/she is not really doing it badly, that this is his/her way of being and that he/she does not really realize how bad it can be for another person to propose a plan and then not carry it out.

If he writes us after a while as if nothing had happened, the best thing to do is to act in the same way, showing that we have not been affected by this situation and, if it is a date or a person in whom you do not have much confidence, the best thing to do is to be dignified and not to magnify what matters to us that the other person is not so trusting, the best thing to do is to act in the same way, showing that we have not been affected by this situation. not to magnify what we care that does not come..

4. Do not take revenge

No matter how much it hurts to be stood up, getting revenge is not the solution. It is very ugly and the only thing that we will obtain will be to enlarge the ball of the disappointments, annoyances and bad rolls.

We cannot pretend to demand punctuality and then, when we see that they do not comply with the plans, let that person down the next time. This, far from being seen as a lesson with its own medicine, the other person will understand it as something bad, and will begin to feel free to justify his future absences. will begin to feel free to justify their future absences with a "but you left me too". with "but you stood me up too".

5. Seize the moment

Typical situation when meeting a friend: we said we were going to a bar at 5 pm. We arrive punctually at the establishment, wait and wait and see that this "good" friend is not coming. What now?

Well, if life gives you lemons, make lemonade. We can't pretend to be in a bad mood in a bar because the other one doesn't come. The idea was to meet him but, but if he doesn't come, while we're there we'll take advantage of the moment and order something to drink..

Whether he stands us up because he wants to or if something bad has happened, the best thing to do is not to get bitter. No one stops us from enjoying the evening because we have been stood up.

Sometimes it is better to be alone than in bad company.If not, we can always call another friend who is more reliable and who can fill the other's absence.