Imaginary friends in children: Are these fantasies normal?

Many parents worry about their children having imaginary friends. Is it normal to have them?

The ability to socialize and maintain positive contacts beyond the merely familiar ones, establishing bonds with the people around us and sharing situations, moments and positive experiences with them is fundamental for our complete development.

Friendships will be very important throughout life, but having someone with similar characteristics to share and experience with is especially relevant during childhood and adolescence. And in many cases, some children develop friends who do not really exist in the real world but are of great importance to them: we are talking about imaginary friends. It is this concept that we are going to talk about in this article.

What is an imaginary friend?

It is considered imaginary friend to all that invisible and nonexistent character in the reality that is considered as real or partially real on the part of a child with whom it plays interacts frequently and in a direct way and that is named and recognized in front of other people. The interaction and consideration of the existence of this being by the child can have a variable duration. Although we have spoken of non-existent beings, sometimes the imaginary friend is an object or element or element to which the child grants the capacity to be alive or to interact, such as a doll.

The creation and maintenance of imaginary friends usually occurs in young children, between two and eight years of age.between two and eight years of age. The friend in question usually has a protective or playful function, its presence being typical of situations in which the child is playing or feels afraid. The character in question can be a child like him or her or animated beings, with animal or even fantastic characteristics. Generally the friend begins to be forgotten or disappear when the child begins to have a more fluid and positive contact with children and make friends, although it may take some time to disappear.

Explanations for this phenomenon in childhood

The creation of imaginary friends by children has been an aspect investigated with great interest throughout history, with different approaches to this issue. Initially there was the idea that it was treated and valued as the expression of some clinical problem, although research has shown that with exceptions this is not the case.

Initially imaginary friends were considered to be the expression of affective problems linked to deficiencies problems linked to deficiencies such as lack of parental affection, loneliness or lack of people of the same maturity level, or as a mechanism of compensation for what children consider their weaknesses. Although in some cases this may be the case, especially in abandoned children or those who have suffered some trauma, it has been observed that this phenomenon can appear in any type of context.

Authors such as Jean Piaget, known for his studies on child development and the phases of acquisition of different skills and mental abilities from a cognitive perspective, interpreted the presence of imaginary friends as an elaboration of the child as an attempt to explain the reality that he was not able to understand, having difficulty separating the real from the imaginary at the typical age of appearance of this phenomenon (between 3-6 years). However, children are capable of separating fact from fiction at this age, often knowing that their friendsoften knowing that their imaginary friends are not perceptible to anyone but themselves or even that they are the product of fantasy.

Another more recent theory holds that imaginary friends are simulations of real beings that children use to practice real interaction situations. practice real interaction situations and that serve to improve their understanding of theory of mind (assuming and understanding that others have opinions, thoughts and perspectives different from their own).

Is it pathological?

While it does not occur in all children, the presence of imaginary friends is generally accepted as something normal that will pass with time. However, many parents show great concern, many parents show great concern when it happens to their children because of the possibility that they may be witnessing some type of mental disorder or pathology.

This concern makes some sense, since the concept of imaginary friends implies the existence of some characteristics that could resemble those of a hallucination or delusion (the existence of a being that does not exist beyond the subject's own mind is perceived and considered real, and is maintained over time).

However, in the vast majority of cases it is not a pathological but a normative event, being extremely frequent (although there is no consensus, some studies indicate that even about half of children may have them).It is extremely frequent (although there is no consensus, some studies indicate that even about half of all children may have them) and usually occurs at a stage of life when magical thinking is very active and creativity is high.

In addition, the friend in question may have a function in child developmentIn addition, the friend in question may have a function in child development: to alleviate needs for companionship, to project their ideal self or self-image, to practice for real interactions, to rehearse their theory of mind and ability to understand the other, or to release anxiety by generating a fictitious world in which they can abstract from various problems.

In fact, some studies even seem to indicate that the generation of imaginary friends (as long as it is not the expression of affective deficiencies or generates an active distancing from real contact with others) far from being pathological can even allow the development of different skills, improving their future social competence, apathy, abstraction and creativity.

What to do?

Many parents may wonder how to deal with the presence of imaginary friends in their children, being a normal and legitimate concern.This is a normal and legitimate concern. But as a general rule, the fact of having imaginary friends is not something that requires treatment.

It is not advisable to punish, deny or ignore the existence of the imaginary friend, although it is worth assessing the type of friend or personality he/she has. It is also not advisable to try to force the child to do activities that over occupy his time in order to avoid the existence of this friend. It could also be useful to try to encourage (without becoming a forced and insistent practice that generates anxiety in the child) the approach to situations where the child can interact with other children.

The subject should be treated with respect. It must be taken into account that it may be a projection of our child's fears or even a way to connect with the world and to connect with other children. a way of connecting with the world and communicating with you.It may be relevant to listen to the moments when it appears and the opinions that the child says his friend has about the world.

Less common aspects that may generate a response and should not be allowed is the fact that the imaginary friend is used as a justification or scapegoat for one's own aversive acts.

It may also be of more concern if it is observed that the child prefers to relate to his invisible friend rather than to the rest of the world and this leads to isolation.The child may have a friend who is extremely violent or destructive in personality. Although there are cases in which imaginary friends remain until adolescence, it is not very common and it should be assessed that the child could be having some kind of problem.