Infidelity: causes and consequences

A summary of the possible causes of infidelity and its effects on a couple's relationship.

Infidelity is one of the situations that can cause the most damage to a person's relationship.. Whether we suffer it or commit it, it can ultimately generate discomfort and other negative symptoms.

But... What are the most common causes? How can we detect it? How can we cushion or repair the consequences? In the following article we are going to deepen and analyze in detail the phenomenon of infidelity.

What is infidelity?

First we are going to define what infidelity is. Although it may seem obvious to us this concept can have different nuances depending on the person who responds. One of the definitions in which most of us agree is that it is an act that implies a betrayal. A betrayal because it is a situation that breaks the norms or values on which a couple's relationship is based.

However, these norms or rules that the members of a couple agree to comply with may be different from other relationships. In this way, there are more open couples in which relationships with other people are allowed but which also have established limits in terms of affection or emotions for example; and other couples in which the simple fact of an unintentional flirtation may pose a threat and label it as infidelity.

In conclusion, an infidelity will be the breaking by one of the partners of those established "norms" (previously or taken for granted with (previously or taken for granted over time).

What are the causes of infidelity?

There are many reasons why we can commit infidelity, both in men and women. According to scientific evidence, both sexes tend to share the causes and origins that drive them to commit infidelity.

We must take into account that each person is different thanks to his or her belief system, schemes, values and experiences, and therefore not all people will react the same way or will commit infidelity. However, among the most common causes that can drag us to commit an infidelity are the following ones.

1. Finding ourselves immersed in a routine or monotony that does not satisfy us.

The need to want something new may emerge, to long for another stage of life when we did not have a partner or simply to look for an escape route that gives us back our "illusion and motivation". To lead a "double life" can seem exciting to us as a fantasy.and sometimes we can carry them out without thinking about the consequences.

2. Sexual desire

You may have lost desire or attraction for your partner. There are different stages in a relationship that may involve a decrease in sexual desire.If this is not worked on, over time it could be a cause for unfaithfulness.

3. Dissatisfaction with the partner

That is, we do not feel complete in the relationship, there may be emotional, sexual, attention or other deficiencies. This would lead us to look for these unmet needs in third parties..

4. Looking for a new partner

It is the Tarzan effect, in which one is not able to let go of a vine until another one is grasped. People who are terrified of being single..

5. Revenge

Sometimes we can be spiteful and conclude that if our partner has made us suffer, he/she deserves the infidelity, losing the feeling of guilt easily and feeling that it is a just act..

6. Personal dissatisfaction and low self-esteem

If we undervalue ourselves and also value our partner as better than ourselves as a sexual individual, it can lead to a tendency to want to "be on the market" and feel desired. can lead to a tendency to want to "be in the market" and feel desired (increasing our self-esteem). (increasing our self-esteem).

Ouch... the consequences are coming!

If infidelity has already occurred, the star question is.... Will I get caught or could my partner get caught? Do I tell or hide it? There are also many factors at play here, as it depends on the type of infidelity and the people involved. Recurrent infidelity is not the same as sporadic infidelity, nor is face-to-face or digital infidelity..

However, most of the time there is a tendency to hide the fact (eyes that do not come....) and to have the intention to continue the relationship without considering whether it is time for a breakup or not. In this way, some of the possible immediate consequences are the following.

On the one hand, changes in the unfaithful person. Changes in their routine, mood swings, changes in their physique (usually better looking clothes or new perfumes), increased surveillance of their privacy (usually better appearance in clothing or new perfumes), increased surveillance of their privacy such as phone or passwords.

On the other hand, behaviors of the unfaithful person that cushion the guilt or are focused on obtaining implicit forgivenesssuch as giving gifts to the partner for no apparent reason. Bringing up the conversation of a possible breakup because the relationship is not in a good moment.

In addition, the emotions that the partners may experience will also be different. On the one hand, the person who has suffered the infidelity to a greater extent will feel anger, hopelessness, and their self-esteem may be affected. On the other hand, the person who has committed the infidelity may feel guilt and shame.

Can there be a relationship after an infidelity?

Of course yes, a relationship can continue after one or multiple infidelities. You can... but the right question is whether that relationship will be healthy or not. In most of the occasions the relationship will not be the same, and if it was in a bad moment the situation will get worse for sure.

With the betrayal and breaking of those values or norms established in the relationship, distrust will be a present fact. Finally, the lack of trust will lead to other negative consequences.insecurity, jealousy, control, arguments, reproaches, etc. At this point, there will be two ways, to continue without well-being or to end the relationship.

How to avoid some causes and consequences of infidelity?

The best option is to put yourself in the hands of a good professional psychologist.. Couples Therapy is a very effective therapy modality at whatever stage you are in. Before ending the relationship, you should allow yourselves to try this "last shot".

The therapist will be an unbiased professional, not judgmental or looking for blame. His objective is to understand your situations, behaviors and emotions in an objective way. In PsicoAlmeria we perform both face-to-face and online therapies, we are specialists in couples therapy.

During the therapy we work on all aspects of the relationship, identifying weaknesses andidentifying weaknesses and providing skills or tools that will help you to solve your problems. You will learn the reason for the situations you are going through, you will understand your own and your partner's emotions and feelings. You will set goals that will be met; an infidelity can in many cases mean a strengthening in the healthy continuation of the relationship.

At the end of therapy, not only will you come out stronger as individuals, but you will have acquired the skills and learning necessary to establish a good foundation that will continue into the future.