Infidelity: the second most important problem in relationships

Although the process is slow and difficult, 50% of couples manage to overcome infidelity.

Fidelity is one of the foundations on which the vast majority of marriages and stable couples are built, so it is not surprising that one of the main reasons why couples seek psychological help is to overcome infidelity. In various national surveys 61.7% of men and 43.4% of women stated that they had experienced some infidelity in their lifetime, making it the second most common problem in their lives.It is the second most important problem in a couple after physical abuse.

But, what is considered infidelity, is sexual contact necessary or is it enough that an emotional union takes place, do punctual contacts imply lack of fidelity... There are many questions that are generated around the subject and also many couples who come to therapy in search of the definitive answer that solves all their doubts.

Why is it so difficult to distinguish between what is and what is not infidelity?

In practice it is very difficult to define what behaviors constitute infidelity, since the admissible limits are established implicitly within each couple according to the ideas of each member, their previous experiences, the customs of the family of origin and the social context in which they live. Therefore, it is quite normal that what is considered infidelity in one couple is not considered infidelity in another and vice versa..

At the same time, men and women develop different ideas about infidelity: while many women tend to associate any intimacy - whether sexual or not - with infidelity, men are more likely to deny it, unless there has been recurrent sexual intercourse.

To this variability of definition must be added new technologies, an element that further increases the ambiguity of the concept and makes it more difficult for the couple to overcome the conflict. The fact is that the improvement of the means of communication has made infidelity more accessible and easier to find nowadays, as a mobile phone or a computer is enough to make it easier to find a way out of the conflict.A cell phone or a computer is enough to establish strong emotional or sexual relations with someone outside the relationship, without the need to invest excessive time to make the couple suspicious.

So, how do we define the concept of infidelity?

Leaving aside all these difficulties and in an attempt to narrow down a possible definition, we can understand infidelity as any situation in which a person, in a stable relationship, is involved in intense contact with someone who is not his or her usual partner. situation in which a person, in a stable relationship, is involved in an intense contact with someone who is not his or her usual partner.. This contact may or may not involve sexual relations, which allows us to distinguish between a form of infidelity centered on the sexual relationship and another in which this is only a secondary aspect of the affective bond.

In the first case, sexual dissatisfaction in the couple is the driving force for the establishment of new relationships, while in the second case it is a more global and complex dissatisfaction that leads to the transgression of fidelity pacts.

More infidelities but for the same reasons

The actual frequency of extramarital affairs is increasing every day, ... increasing especially among the female population .... This behavioral change is mainly related to the availability of effective contraceptives, to the change in the social role of women and to their integration into the world of work, which has led women to have more contact with people outside their couple's life and to a decrease in their fear of a possible unwanted pregnancy.

On the other hand, it is necessary to mention that both sexes give the same reasons, year after year, for initiating and maintaining a relationship of these characteristics. Unfaithful men and women talk about the experience of a painful relationship, monotonous and empty and a lack of positive response to their sexual and emotional demands. These statements show that an infidelity in many cases indicates a need for "something more" or "something different" in their interaction and in their life as a couple that, in many cases, drives them to search for what they feel is missing.

Can infidelity be overcome?

After knowing all this information, many couples may wonder if it is possible to rebuild the relationship after an infidelity, to which the statistics answer that only 50% of the time it is possible to overcome the infidelity. 50% of the time it is possible to overcome the problem.. This probability of survival increases if it is the man who has been unfaithful and if the infidelity has only been of a sexual nature.

Therefore, when considering a possible reconciliation after an infidelity, it is necessary to evaluate the pros and cons of the relationship and take into account that not all unfaithful couples separate. In many cases, not only is reconciliation possible, but the infidelity itself makes the couple consider their problems, overcome them and continue their relationship with a strengthened intimacy. However, it must never be forgotten that the process of reconciliation is slow and difficult, and that it must inevitably involve asking for forgiveness and forgiving sincerelyFor this, therapeutic intervention is often necessary to guide and support the couple.

How to overcome an infidelity?

You can learn some tips by reading the following article:

"Overcoming an infidelity: the 5 keys to achieve it".