Interview with Brenda R. Bodemer: the link between sexology and culture

This psychologist specializing in sexology explains the relationship between sex and culture.

Until relatively recently, most people used to understand sexuality as something relatively simple and one-dimensional, linked to reproduction on the one hand and sin on the other. In recent decades this has changed a lot, but not only have we become more open to new ways of experiencing sex; we are also able to identify more problematic situations in it when something goes wrong.

That is why the opinion of sexology specialists is important, because it shows how these changes in the way we think and relate to each other affect human sexuality. On this occasion we talk about it with Brenda R. BodemerShe is a psychologist who focuses much of her work on sex therapy and who works at the UPAD Psychology and Coaching center.

Interview with Brenda R. Bodemer: the importance of sex therapy

Brenda R. Bodemer is a psychologist specialized in Clinical Psychology and Sexology integrated in the team of professionals of UPAD Psychology and Coaching, a psychological assistance center located in Madrid. In this interview she talks to us about the type of problems addressed by sexology, and the way in which cultural factors influence them.

What are the most common reasons why people seek sex therapy? Are there differences between men and women?

There are several reasons why people may seek sex therapy. Most of the reasons for consultation have to do with blockages that the person has when enjoying their erotic relationships and do not know how to manage, since we have not received adequate sex education and everything that has to do with sexuality is still a more taboo subject than we would like. Not being able to talk about a problem related to our sexual behavior, our thoughts or sensations about our eroticism, it is going to be difficult to solve by itself.

The reasons why men and women come to therapy are usually different. Women tend to come more for problems related to their sexual satisfaction or lack of pleasure, while men tend to have more problems in execution, that is, how their genitals respond. However, we are seeing more and more cases of men with little or no desire, more frequently than before, which may have to do with how today's society is trying to break down gender stereotypes.

After all, demands are changing over time, which, as I said, is closely related to the sex education received and social standards on sexuality. For example, we see fewer cases of anorgasmia because of the access to information and the role that women are being given as desiring and not only desired.

How often, more or less, are the causes of the most common sexual dysfunctions psychological?

Sexual response is a process in which both the psychological and the physiological are involved, and therefore sexual dysfunctions have both psychological and physiological causes.

Although sometimes it is easy to identify whether the root of the problem is psychological or not, most often it is difficult to discriminate the cause, especially in dysfunctions such as dyspaurenia or erectile difficulties. This is precisely why, in sex therapy, ruling out (before intervening) a physiological problem that may be influencing the person's sexual response is essential.

In any case, sexual problems do not usually occur in isolation. Normally (once a physical origin has been ruled out) these problems are a reflection of a bad patch in the couple, poor communication or a period of stress that one or both partners are going through.

And in cases where the root of the problem is psychological? what can sexologists do to help?

As we have seen, the first step is to rule out a physical illness that may be affecting the person's sexual response.

Once this possibility is excluded, the interventions of sexology professionals move along a continuum: sex education, sexological counseling and sex therapy. Sex education is transversal, that is, it is done throughout the therapy, since in many occasions sexual problems come from our own prejudices or stereotypes that we have internalized. Counseling would be along the lines of addressing those problems that are not serious but are generating discomfort, and sex therapy deals with the most serious difficulties or dissatisfactions. All this in both individual and couple format.

Are sex therapy and couple therapy usually related? How do they complement each other?

Many psychology professionals distinguish couple therapy from sex therapy, however, in sexology we cannot make such a distinction.

There can be sex therapy without couple therapy (in the case of people who come to consultation being single), but there cannot be couple therapy without sex therapy, even if the couple does not come for a sexual dysfunction. This is so because we all have sexuality, from the moment we are fertilized until the moment of our death, whether we have a penis or a vagina, whether we are single or in a couple.

People believe that when they have relationship problems they have to go to a psychologist and only if they have a sexual dysfunction, to a sexologist. However, a psychologist without training in sexology will work on a sexual difficulty or a couple's problem in an incomplete way, precisely because the couple is also sexed.

Is it common that some sexual dysfunctions are not recognized as such by those who develop them?

It is, in fact, all too common. In my experience, it takes couples about three years to talk about having a sexual problem, and another two years to go to therapy. In other words, it takes five years from the time the problem appears until they decide to solve it.

This happens because of what we were talking about at the beginning, that sexuality is still a taboo subject, even among couples. This could be remedied by normalizing the subject of sexuality and seeing it as something natural and, in the same way, knowing that problems can arise.

In your professional experience, have you noticed any cultural changes in the way the Spanish population views sexology in recent decades?

It is true that there is still a certain stereotype about those of us who dedicate ourselves to sexology, according to which our job is to teach "how to be the best in bed", "what is the most effective way to seduce your partner", "how to flirt", "how to perform the best oral sex" and a long etcetera, when in reality sexologists attend to diversity.

Not to mention the bias regarding the sex of the professional. Several female colleagues have been harassed with photos of male genitalia that they have not asked for, or they have been made proposals that went beyond a mere sexological counseling consultation, a fact that has not happened to my colleagues.

However, in the last decade I have been surprised that young couples are coming more and more to therapy, deciding to make an investment to improve their couple's life and their sexual life, something that did not happen before, because they could not afford it financially and, although they still cannot, they prefer to spend their money on this and save from another area of their lives.

This indicates that by having more and better quality sex education, sexuality is beginning to be given the importance it deserves. Likewise, people no longer only come accompanied by their partners, but also single people, which indicates that sexuality is beginning to be given importance not only as a couple, but also gives the message that sexuality can be lived and enjoyed in singleness.

Is there still a need to become more aware that sexual problems deserve to be treated in therapy?

As I have already mentioned, sex education is playing a very important role in opening a space to talk about sexual problems in an increasingly natural way. Despite this, it is clear that this is a subject that still has a long way to go. The time that passes before someone decides to go to therapy is very long and this is a disadvantage, since in most cases the sooner a problem is addressed the sooner it will be tackled.