Keys to improve your personal relationships by working on yourself

Knowing how to relate properly with others involves personal development.

Human beings are first and foremost social beings, We are immersed in a constant relationship: with ourselves, with the world, and also with others..

Our well-being, personal development and also self-knowledge depend on several factors, and the quality of your personal relationships is fundamental (whether it is a couple, family, social, friendly or in your professional environment). What are the problems we have? Why does it happen? How can we solve them?

Improving relationships by working on oneself

The only way to achieve change in our lives is through our own personal change. After all, we cannot control the world or others, but we can learn to know ourselves, discover how we manage situations and how to manage them better.

One of the most common mistakes we make is to think that our well-being depends only on our relationship with ourselves, which is not the case. As social beings, our well-being also depends, in part, on the quality of our relationships with others.. In fact, there is no greater tool for self-knowledge than personal relationships (we truly know ourselves through an encounter with others).

We live in an individualistic world oriented towards consumption and materialism. Our own social context has made personal relationships more and more complicated (more individualism, more ego, more ego). (more individualism, more selfishness, less ability to connect with others, more fear and insecurity). Is it necessary to have relationships to feel good and happy? The people you have relationships with (your partner, friends, family, etc.) will not give you happiness... but the fact that those relationships are positive will help, and a lot.

In the last 10 years as a psychologist and coach I have accompanied people in their processes of change, and in a significant number of cases there were difficulties in their personal relationships, either as a primary cause or as a secondary cause of another problem. Many of these people had difficulties to connect with others, they were isolated, or they had relationships but they lived them from the conflict. On many occasions I have been asked: "Ruben, where is the problem, why is the relationship so difficult for me? The problem is not one of character, but of how we have learned to manage certain situations and the vision we have of ourselves.. Let's go deeper into the problem, and from there, to the solution (which will be what really changes your life).

Causes of the problem in your personal relationships

The difficulties that we have in our personal relationships are multiple and would give more for a book than for an article; nevertheless, can be summarized in two depending on the emotional state that conditions us..

On the one hand, there are the difficulties that arise through an active and unpleasant emotional state, such as anger: frequent arguments, need for control, imperative communication, the result of expectations, demands or lack of agreements.demands or lack of agreements. These types of difficulties lead to conflicts with all types of personal relationships.

On the other hand, we have the difficulties that appear when you are conditioned by a very paralyzing emotional state and also unpleasant, such as fear and insecurityNot knowing how to set limits, being afraid of what people will say, being paralyzed when it comes to getting to know a person (or not even trying), etc.

All the difficulties we may have in our relationships fall into these two groups. Why does it happen? Before going deeper into the factors, I leave you a video where I tell you first hand the main causes of problems in personal relationships and their solutions.

The main psychological causes of these difficulties are the following.

Communication difficulties

You do not say what you want, what you do not want, what you can or cannot say. For fear of the other person's rejection, anger or what they will say, you do not communicate assertively but give in to what the others want.. This causes isolation and an unpleasant feeling of not being you or not living your own life. The opposite can also occur: communicating in an impetuous, imperative or coercive manner, which reflects a need to be in control (a sign of a dysfunctional way of managing fear and insecurity).

2. Guilt

Guilt is actually a fear of how your actions may have affected or will affect others.. In this case, the problem is that your well-being is conditioned by external factors that you cannot control (the other person's feelings, thoughts, etc.).

3. Insecurity and fear

Because of what you fear may happen in your relationships (or in your attempt at a relationship), you decide to paralyze yourself.. This is a paradox. Precisely because of the prediction we make through fear, we encourage what we fear: rejection and isolation.

4. Control and anger

Control and anger is one more manifestation of fear and insecurity. Instead of paralyzing yourself, you try to be in control of your relationships through expectations and demands, as well as disappointments.as well as disappointments. This causes frequent conflicts, arguments, or leads you to see the other person more and more negatively.

Improve the quality of your personal relationships through your own change.

Whatever your case may be, the solution to improve the quality of your personal relationships is always in living a process of personal change in which you understand what you are feeling, what emotion conditions you, how you are managing it now, and above all, how you can learn to manage it in a functional way so that instead of limiting or harming you, it helps you to connect better with the other (assertive and empathic communication), learn to manage the fear of rejection and improve your ability to accept differences, reach agreements and connect with the other in an empathic way (without coercing or imposing).

We are emotional beings and we feel emotions every second of the day. Emotions influence you in all areas of your lifeYour emotions influence you in all areas of your life: in your actions, interpretations, decisions, in the way you communicate and relate to others. Having them on your side instead of against you helps you live with greater acceptance, confidence and curiosity instead of fear, anger, insecurity or guilt.

This is the change that improves your personal relationships, since helps you to build trust, to dare to connect with the other and to express what you feel and need, as well as to accompany the other in an empathic way (as in the case of friendships, family or professional environment).and to accompany the other in an empathic way (as it happens in the case of friendships, family or professional environment).

Now I am going to make you a special proposal. If you want to live this process of personal change or take a first step, I invite you to visit empoderamientohumano.com. There you will find an option to schedule an exploratory session with me, so we can discover what the problem is in your case, find a solution and see how I can accompany you. In your personal change is the change you need for everything else to improve. If your relationships work, everything else will be easier.