Learning to say "No".

A practical guide to gaining confidence and assertiveness.

Assertiveness problems have a thousand faces, and can take different forms to create problems in the daily lives of those people who have never learned to say no. This can have consequences not only for the person in particular, but even for his or her environment, which will gradually become accustomed to receiving favorable treatment and may even neglect some tasks, as well as become frustrated when it is not possible to receive the attentions of the person who is not assertive enough.

That is why it is It is worthwhile to regularly examine oneself and see if, in certain areas or with certain people, we find it difficult to say no.. Here are some steps to follow to address this problem from a psychological perspective.

Training ourselves in the art of saying no

1. Reflect on what your priorities are.

To know in which areas you should be able to say no and you don't, it is necessary to know first of all what your interests are, it is necessary to know in the first place what your interests are.that is to say, what you want to achieve and that other people do not have to provide you without you having to do anything. Establish a scale of priorities to know which things are more important to you and which are less important to you.

2. Think about whether you are being consistent with the above.

Are you passing up important opportunities because you don't want to bother someone? Think to what extent the benefit you would get from devoting your efforts to what matters most to you would be less than the inconvenience you might cause.. Think, too, to what extent you assume that you should keep that person satisfied regardless of your interests.

3. Would that really be annoying?

Think of the inconvenience you could cause by refusing to do something. Then, Imagine yourself in the other person's place and think about how unwelcome it would be for you if they did the same thing to you. Would it really be a problem for you if someone said no to you, or is it more of an imaginary fear?

4. Visualize yourself as you think others see you.

People who don't know how to say no tend to believe that they are constantly owing things to other people.. This is because lack of assertiveness is closely linked to low self-esteem and low self-confidence, so it is common to believe that, although you do not want to take advantage of others, you are a burden to friends, family, co-workers and neighbors.

To mitigate the effects of this skewed view of reality, it is good to spend some time in self-reflection and to think about what aspects you owe more to others than others owe to you. From a close examination of one's relationships with others, it is easier to see to what extent these small "debts" are of little importance or, in many cases, do not even exist.

5. Think about what people who don't know how to say no suggest to you.

Think about what people with a lack of assertiveness are like and spend some time imagining them in as much detail as you can about how they relate to others and how they are usually treated by others. Then, think about how you think you are, and superimpose this image to the one you had imagined before to see to what extent you are a person who finds it difficult to say no. With this simple measure, practiced regularly, you will be able to see in which aspects you can improve and gain in assertiveness and with which people you usually have more difficulties in defending your interests..

Conclusion: coldly analyze the situation

In short, all these points bring into focus the need to distance oneself from oneself in order to self-examine and coldly analyze where it is appropriate to say no and where one is not doing so. Beginning to introduce these changes in our relationships with others may be complicated and uncomfortable at first, but the benefits of this practice will undoubtedly be felt in the future. the benefits of this regular practice will undoubtedly be felt on a day-to-day basis..