Low self-esteem? When you become your own worst enemy

Our emotional balance depends, to a large extent, on our self-esteem.

The self-esteem is one of the most important psychological variables for emotional health, well-being and is key to our positive and is key to our positive relationship with our environment. Unfortunately, however, not everyone has adequate self-esteem.

Many people, regardless of whether or not they attend psychotherapy, suffer the effects of low self-esteem. Fortunately, this is something that can be changed.

Studies show that this important aspect of the personality is not something static, but can vary throughout a person's life, and according to psychologist Silvia Congost, author of the book Automatic Self-EsteemIts development depends approximately 30% on genetic factors, and the rest, i.e. 70%, depends on the environment and the experiences we have had to live.

• There are several types of self-esteem. If you want to know them you can read our article: "The 4 types of self-esteem: do you value yourself?"

The relationship between low self-esteem and emotional equilibrium.

Low self-esteem is a real problem that many people facebecause it can negatively affect different areas of their lives. In short, low self-esteem causes suffering and prevents us from achieving many of our goals or desires. Negative thought patterns associated with low self-esteem (e.g., thinking that everything you do will go wrong) can lead to serious mental health problems, such as depression or anxiety.

Low self-esteem is crippling, and makes it difficult to try new things or to carry out the various tasks of everyday life, such as starting a new hobby or looking for a job.as well as starting a new hobby or looking for a job. This prevents us from living the life we want, and leads to frustration and discomfort over time.

Whoever finds himself in this situation and wants to get out of this negative spiral, only if he does a hard work of self-reflection and recognizes his level of self-esteem will he be able to improve it and, therefore, increase his well-being. In some cases, the person cannot achieve this on his or her own, so it will be necessary to see a specialist psychologist. Even so, it is the person who wants to change who has to make the effort to achieve it, since the psychologist only facilitates the change.The psychologist only provides the tools for change.

What causes low self-esteem?

The thoughts you have about yourself seem to be absolute realities, but they are only opinions.. They are based on the experiences you have had in life, and the messages these experiences have brought to form an image of who you are. If you have had bad experiences, your assessment of yourself is likely to be negative. The crucial experiences that help forge these negative or positive beliefs about ourselves are likely (though not always) to occur at an early age.

What you have seen, felt, and experienced during childhood and adolescence, in your family, school, or the community at large have a determining effect on how you value yourself in the future.

Examples of these experiences are presented below:

• Systematic punishment or abuse.
• Failure to meet parental expectations
• Failure to meet peer and friendship group expectations
• Being the "scapegoat" for others in times of stress or distress
• Belonging to families or social groups characterized by lack of affection and disinterest
• Being treated as the black sheep of the family or school

Psychological problems associated with low self-esteem.

In addition to the above causes, sometimes negative evaluations about oneself are caused by negative experiences that have happened later in life. For example, painful breakups or abusive relationships, persistent stress, bullying or mobbing, etc. Therefore, the relationship between psychological problems and self-esteem is a reality.

Many psychological or emotional problems are associated with low self-esteem, and this is one of the most frequent reasons for psychological consultation. And since self-esteem can cause other types of problems (depression, eating disorders, addictions, anxiety, etc.), it is necessary to take measures in this regard.

Stop being your worst enemy: strategies to improve self-esteem

Low self-esteem is closely related to how you value and react to things that happen to you. If you want to stop being one of those people with low self-esteem, you can follow these tips to stop being your own worst enemy and improve your self-esteem:

1. Set realistic goals

Feeling frustrated by trying to achieve excessively difficult goals favors the appearance of low self-esteem. The reason is simpler than it seems: if we often see that despite our efforts we do not get what we wanted to get, that makes us feel smaller than the environment in which we live, which happens to seem hostile. We will tend to focus our attention on that supposed failure, and not on the nuances of why we set out to achieve that goal in the first place or why we did not properly assess our possibilities.

This does not mean that we are not ambitious, it means that we must be careful to weigh our possibilities and consider whether we lack the preparation or material means to aspire to achieve something.

2. Do not compare yourself with others

Comparing ourselves with others leads us to fall into a vicious circle; once we have entered into this competitive mentality, it is difficult to stop. The obsession with wanting to surpass others is capable of preventing us from enjoying our achievements without feeling discomfort for continuing to be "below" someone who surpasses us in a certain skill.

3. Appreciate your qualities

Another of the most useful tips to stop having low self-esteem and to love oneself is to stop and think about our merits and our achievements when we reach one that is meaningful to us.

Other tips to improve self-concept

Other recommendations to combat low self-esteem are as follows:

• Treat yourself with love and look at life in a positive way.
• Practice Mindfulness
• Give yourself constructive criticism
• Give yourself time
• Practice physical exercise
• Try to be assertive

• You can go deeper into these strategies and learn more techniques to improve self-esteem in our article: "10 keys to increase your self-esteem in 30 days".

Seeking help to learn to love yourself

If you detect that you have a serious self-esteem problem and the above has not worked, it is necessary that you solve it as soon as possible because you do not have to continue suffering any longer. So, instead of hiding and looking the other way, you can:

• Talk to your family members or close friends.
• Talk to your family doctor for advice on what to do.
• Go to therapy with a specialized psychologist.