Madame Bovary syndrome: what is it and what are its symptoms?

A set of symptoms suffered by people with unrealistic expectations in love.

Throughout our lives, each and every one of us develops our own vision of the world, based on the experience and learning that we extract not only from what we live but also from what our peers and our culture teach us.

This vision includes, among other aspects, how our relationships with others should be, something that leads us to have expectations regarding the socio-affective interactions we maintain.

However, sometimes our expectations are unrealistic, sometimes our expectations are not realistic, and we find ourselves with a reality that we do not like and that can generate dissatisfaction. and that can generate dissatisfaction. Although generally we all have some disappointment that we end up overcoming, some people live in a state of permanent frustration, affected by excessively idealistic and romantic expectations that when confronted with reality cannot be satisfied.

This is what happens in the so-called Madame Bovary syndrome or bovarism, which we are going to talk about in the following section.which we are going to talk about in this article.

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The Madame Bovary syndrome: what are we talking about?

Bovarism or Madame Bovary's syndrome is a maladaptive pattern of behavior and cognition characterized by the existence of a persistent and chronic dissatisfaction derived from the strong discrepancy between reality and the expectations we have of the world, especially within the realm of affective and romantic relationships. Although romantic relationships are a common element in their way of thinking, the defining feature of the disorder is chronic dissatisfaction and the pursuit of an unrealistic ideal of happiness.

This syndrome, a behavioral alteration that although it has no official consideration is increasingly known, can generate a high level of unhappiness and psychological suffering to those who suffer from it, and is much more frequent in women than in men, despite the fact that there is a growing tendency towards a balance between both sexes. The name of the syndrome comes from the novel Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert, in which the protagonist has excessive expectations of love (due to the idealization of love derived from reading romantic novels) and seeks to satisfy them in the face of what she considers a monotonous and boring life and a loveless marriage, without ever being able to satisfy them.

Those who suffer from Madame Bovary's syndrome usually maintain an idyllic and utopian vision of love and relationships, a vision that does not stand up to comparison with real life.This vision does not stand up to comparison with real life and generates great dissatisfaction on the one hand and a rejection of this reality on the other, as they are unable to accept the great divergence between their expectations and the world. It is common for them to maintain a compulsive search for happiness and their vision of a perfect life and relationships. They tend to look for their better half, their soul mate or ideal partner. There is also usually an extreme fear of not finding them, and even the denial of this possibility.

They tend to develop a melancholic and dependent personality, making every effort to get their relationships as close as possible to their ideal.

Psychological and relational consequences

The affectation that generates this syndrome can be enormous. The person himself usually feels dissatisfied and unhappy on a constant basis, and tends to deny the aspects of the world that do not correspond to his ideals. It is common for anxious and depressive symptoms to appear, with a tendency to melancholy and dysthymia, and sometimes derive in aggressive and self-destructive behaviors.

Their social and couple relationships are highly unsatisfactory, marked by possessiveness, jealousy and recriminations, at the same time that they tend to focus on the other (in a highly dependent way) in such a way that they leave aside a great part of their own interests in order not to be abandoned. There is a certain egocentrism, valuing the relationship by the way it affects only the subject.

Main symptoms of this disorder

Among the main symptoms of this disorder, the first is the presence of the aforementioned permanent dissatisfaction, as well as the maintenance of rigid and unrealistic expectations and perspectives. There is a strong cognitive dissonance. It is not uncommon for the person to see him/herself as self-sacrificing and idealized, with a tendency to consider him/herself worthy of the best.

There is usually a biased worldview, processing only the information that supports their worldview and ignoring the rest, and even refusing to acknowledge it. Likewise, at the emotional level, there tends to be a deep sense of emptiness due to the impossibility of achieving their desires, as well as an overvaluation of their own desires.and an overvaluation and an exaggerated emotional reaction to conflicts and divergences. There is usually neuroticism and difficulties to tolerate monotony and frustration, also maintaining excessive expectations about how their life should be.

At the romantic level, these people tend to compulsively search for an ideal love, spending a great deal of time looking for love or keeping someone by their side. There is great emotional dependence and often the subject focuses exclusively on his or her partner, with whom identification is sought. The identification with the other reaches the level that the tastes and ways of seeing the world of the spouse are copied and assumed as one's own.

However, when this does not meet their expectations, they may start looking for other people even if they have a partner, so that infidelity is not infrequent and they do not stop a relationship until they can jump to another considered better. Impossible and complicated loves tend to attract them, given the challenge they pose.

Possible Causes

Madame Bovary syndrome is not a recognized disorder and its causes are not entirely known. However, the very definition of the disorder states that the origin of this chronic dissatisfaction lies in a mismatch between the person's expectations and reality.

These expectations may be due to an excessively utopian view of romantic relationships, often exacerbated by the fact that the person's expectations are not in line with reality.often exacerbated by literature or cinematic or theatrical works. It has also been observed that there is a tendency for people with this syndrome to have suffered situations of abandonment, deprivation of affection or abuse in childhood, which may have led them to idealize a normative partner or affection situation and an extreme fear of not achieving it.

Treatment?

Madame Bovary syndrome is a behavioral disorder whose treatment involves working on the deepest beliefs. in terms of the value of relationships, the modification of cognitive biases and unrealistic beliefs and work on self-esteem. It is necessary to reflect and analyze the way of thinking, feeling and relating both with oneself and with the environment, as well as how this has affected the life of the subject and those around him/her.

However, it must be taken into account that this syndrome is deeply affected by personality characteristics and specifically with the dependent personality disorder, so the treatment must take into account that they will have to work deep aspects of the way of being and the world by the patient, something that may require working on the reason for the need for change before going on to treat the problematic points themselves.