My child is afraid to sleep alone: what to do?

Here are some tips on how to deal with this frequent problem in many families with children.

Although it may sound a bit strange, sleeping can also be learned! Because, like other behaviors, it is also a habit, essential for the development of children. Thus, it is important that children learn to sleep alone, in their own bed.

However, in many families there is a concern that is repeated over and over again: "What if my child is afraid of sleeping alone?What if my child is afraid to sleep alone?". In this article we answer these and other questions, and give you guidelines to meet this challenge, read on!

My child is afraid to sleep alone and I am worried about it

During the infancy, and in full stage of development, the children learn a series of habits and conducts that will reinforce little by little his autonomy. Among these habits we find the fact of sleeping alone, since this behavior is also learned.

Ideally, they should learn to sleep in their own bed from an early age.That is to say, since they are babies, they should have their own crib, and parents should get used to take them to sleep in it, and not in their own (parents') bed.

Although it is true that when we educate we must also be flexible, and that sometimes, the child ends up sleeping in the parents' bed (because he/she is sick, has nightmares, fears, etc.), this should be a one-time event, since the longer it takes to sleep 100% in his/her own bed, the more difficult it will be for him/her to get used to it.

Thus, sleeping alone is a habit of autonomy that is learned over time, and parents should play an active role in this good practice.

The fact that the child gets used to sleeping in his or her parents' bed, can cause the following problem: fear of sleeping alone.. Fortunately, it is something that can be worked on, and that is why in this article we will see a series of guidelines so that your child ends up sleeping alone, in his/her own bed and without fear.

Guidelines to encourage sleeping alone in infancy.

For our child to lose the fear of sleeping alone, we must apply a series of guidelines at bedtime, which encourage their autonomy and reduce their anxiety.

1. Establish a routine

Children, like adults, need routines and guidelines at bedtime (sleep hygiene), since this, in addition to facilitating sleep, will help us to enhance the autonomy and security of our children when sleeping alone.

Thus, the ideal is that they get used to sleep in their own bed, and at the same approximate time. If they come to our bed, we must accompany them to theirs as many times as necessary.. Ideally, we should not enter into debates or discussions with them. Before, we will have to explain it to them clearly (next point).

Routines help to reduce children's anxiety, to structure their daily life and their time. What should the routine before going to bed include? Some ideas are: cleaning teeth, a story or song, a warm shower, a glass of milk, cuddling, etc. All this will help us to educate our child's sleep.

2. Explain things well

Depending on the age of our child, we will have to adapt our language to their understandingIf he/she is at an age to reason and understand, we will explain to him/her that he/she is old enough to sleep alone, and that he/she cannot sleep in mom and dad's bed (or one of the two).

We will explain to him that, in case he comes, he will have to go back to his bed (accompanying him or not, depending on his age).

3. Sleep in the same place

Although this guideline would also be part of the routines, we include it here because it is an important point. So, ideally, our child should have a room and a bed to sleep in (always the same one), and should (always the same one), and that we avoid unnecessary changes, as this would hinder the process.

4. Take care of the environmental conditions

The room should be quiet, with no disturbing noises, and the bed and mattress should be suitable for their age, height and weight.. In addition, the temperature should also be controlled (room temperature, neither too cold nor too hot).

5. Reinforce him when he sleeps alone

Another very important aspect is to reinforce all those nights in which the child has been able to sleep alone, especially the first ones (after a while it is no longer necessary). Thus, we can reinforce it with praise, a hug, a gesture, a small prize, etc.

At what age to sleep alone?

After all the above (or even before), the following question may arise: From what age is it advisable for our child to sleep alone?

Although each child is different, and we will have to be flexible with it, the truth is that from the age of 3 years, the ideal is that the child sleeps alone and autonomously (without the need to go to the parents' bed in the middle of the night or sleep with them directly). If this process is delayed, it could hinder the child's autonomy and security and he/she could acquire a certain fear of sleeping alone.

What to do about nightmares?

Many times children suffer from nightmares or night terrors, a sleep disorder different from nightmares. This can generate some anxiety and fear of sleeping alone, which is totally understandable and normal.. However, our role as parents should be to reassure them when this happens, but it should not become an obstacle for them to sleep alone.

The goal is for the child to learn to overcome these fears and to "tolerate" nightmares if they occur. In addition, there are also techniques to treat nightmares or night terrors, such as Imagery Rehearsal Therapy (IRT), which is widely used for nightmares.

On the other hand, when the child wakes up screaming or crying because he/she has had a nightmare or a night terror, we can go to his/her bed to calm him/her down, we can go to the child's bed to calm him/her down, but we can prevent him/her from coming to sleep with us (especially when the child is starting to sleep with us). (especially when the child starts to "grow up").

Consequences of (not) sleeping alone

The fact that our child does not learn to sleep alone, or delays this stage so necessary for his development, can have a series of negative consequences for his well-being. These affect their development, and range from from emotional dependence on parents (excessive), to insecurities or difficulties to develop or difficulties to develop other tasks that promote their autonomy. We must not only take into account the negative consequences of our child sleeping (still) with us, but also the positive consequences of him sleeping alone in his own bed.

In this way, by educating in sleep we also educate in autonomy, and we enhance important aspects in their development such as: self-esteem, security, independence, etc.

Bibliographical references:

• Rodríguez, AS & BR García. (2005). Sleep habits in the review of the healthy child. Bol Pediatr, 45: pp. 17 - 22.
• Newman, BM ,Newman PR, Villela, XM, Perez, RR. (1991). Manual de psicología infantil. Mexico: Ediciones Ciencia y Técnica.
• NV Sirerol, IK Amin, TM Rodríguez, CS Frutos. (2002). Sleep habits in children. Annals of Pediatrics, 57(2): pp. 127-130.