"My ex has blocked me from everywhere": possible causes and advice

This behavior is relatively common after a breakup. Why is this?

Breakups are never easy. Many times we try to end the relationship in an adult and rational way, trying to close in the least hurtful way the end of a whole period of affection. Other times, on the other hand, the breakup is aggressive, leaving much to talk about and fix.

The normal thing is that, when breaking up, it is to wait for the tension to pass, to overcome the rupture. It is possible that it was not mutually agreed and that there is always someone of the two who is waiting to return, something that may not happen.

The other party, who may feel watched or simply wants to cut to the chase, decides to cut off any communication, blocking their ex's profile on all social accounts. Many see this the day or days after breaking up, and think: "my ex blocked me from everywhere, why?" Here we are going to explore this topic.

"My ex blocked me from everywhere": social networks and couples.

Social networks have taken over every aspect of our lives and, as expected, and, as expected, they have acquired a huge importance in couple relationshipsThe photos of the two of you together on Instagram and Facebook, the comments on both of your Twitter profiles and, of course, the long Whatsapp conversations are empirical proof that there was once an intimate, loving relationship between two people.

But just as these social networks have facilitated interpersonal communication, serving as a way of letting the world know that you are dating a guy or a girl, they have also have also fostered surveillance and control behaviors.. These behaviors can sometimes reach such toxic levels that they are detrimental to both the mental health of the person being monitored and the person being monitored, especially because they feel that they are not safe. It is very difficult to avoid the temptation to monitor the Facebook status or Instagram photos where the ex-partner is tagged, but everything has a limit.

It should be said that these behaviors vary depending on who has been the one who has broken up and who has been dumped, in addition to the type of attachment they may have. A person with avoidant tendencies may, after the break-up, minimize contact with the ex-partner. Others, with an ambivalent or anxious attachment, may show a great concern for the other, which translates into higher levels of stress and behaviors aimed at trying to get her back, sometimes bordering on persecution and obsession to try to establish contact, no matter what.

My ex has completely deleted me

It is normal that, after breaking up, we cannot resist the temptation to find out what the other person is doing. If we still have an open channel, be it a social network, a common contact or whatever, it is normal to try to get information, however little it may be. Almost everyone, after breaking up, tries to find out how their ex is doing, what he/she is doing and with whom he/she is doing it.. This is because it is not easy to forget someone with whom you have shared so much.

Even if both people have agreed not to talk to each other, or one of them has decided to withdraw the word to the other, the fact of still having the ex in the contact list or as a friend in a social network serves as a bridge to maintain communication, even if you do not intend to. This is a problem, especially if we are unwittingly seeing what our ex posts in the home window. Even if we have promised ourselves not to gossip on his or her profile, the fact that he or she posts things makes us passively look at them.

Getting over a breakup is not a matter of completely forgetting about our exIt is not about completely forgetting our ex, as long as the relationship was healthy and free of abuse. After all, the person with whom we have just broken up has been part of our life, we have shared many pleasant experiences with him or her and we have invited him or her into our most intimate world. However, if we want to leave behind the tension of the breakup, the sadness and anger that it has caused us, and try to rebuild our sentimental life, both going towards a new partner and singleness, it is best to avoid photos and comments of our ex.

While curiosity, i.e., gossiping about photos of our ex, is an impediment to overcome the breakup period, it is important to highlight a feeling that is a direct symptom of not having overcome this process: uncertainty. Breaking up with a partner, whether dating or marriage, implies doubts about the future. Psychologists know very well that a breakup involves a period of mourning, in which sadness is combined with uncertainty, manifested in the form of questions such as: will I love again? will they love me again? what I did wrong, will I do it again?

Also it is also a real suffering not to know if the person with whom we have broken up is really going to leave us for good, or if he/she will come back but as a friend.Will they come back but as a friend, or will they want to come back after regretting the breakup? Whatever happens, the fact that she blocks us completely is a sign that she really wants to cut her life short, it is a way of telling us that she is no longer interested in us and, although it may seem counterintuitive, it is a good sign. It is a positive thing because, to the extent that it prevents us from gossiping about him or her again, we will be freer, taking up less time thinking about him or her.

The breakup is a very emotionally painful moment for both parties. Both feel stress, tension for not knowing what the other will or will not do. The best way to shorten the life of these emotions is to stop being exposed to the stimulus that causes them, which is any photograph, audio or comment that comes from the ex-partner.

Possible reasons why your ex blocked you.

The reasons why our ex-partner has blocked us from all sides can be summarized, basically, in the following points.The reasons why our ex-partner has blocked us from all sides can be summarized basically in the following points, although they can also be interpreted as advice applicable to ourselves that will motivate us to block our partner and speed up the breakup process.

1. Stop being exposed to the ex

It is quite likely, especially if it was he or she who broke up, that the other party continues to see images of us even though he or she is not looking for them.

That is, let's imagine the situation where he or she still has us added to Instagram. Every time we post a photo, he or she will see it, and we will remind him or her of our existence, with all that this implies.

To avoid having to be exposed to us, the best thing she could have done was to block us on social media, not with malicious intent, but rather with the intention of better dealing with the pain..

2. To avoid torturing herself

Related to what we have talked about human curiosity, it is possible that our ex has blocked us because was continually looking at our social networks, watching what we were doing and what we were not doing..

This is what we call "stalking", which is basically the Anglo-Saxon term for "stalking or lurking", although not in the sinister sense of the word.

Being aware of how a person who has just left us is doing is something that does not leave a good body.because you will still feel something. That is why, in a rational act, he has blocked us to stop torturing himself by looking at our profile.

3. He feels watched

As we have already seen it is common that, after a breakup, you keep a close eye on what the other person is doing.. As long as you do not use this to commit crimes or convince yourself that there will be a reconquest (let her be happy and free!) it is normal to watch a little bit what she is doing.

The problem is that the other party may be aware that you are watching her and she doesn't like that. As a free person she has decided to block you to prevent you from continuing to watch what she is posting.

This is not an immature act. She has every right to select who sees and who does not see what she posts. Nor is it immature that you have gossiped a little on his profile, as long as you have not posted nasty comments or opened his chat room over and over again..

4. To move on

It is possible that it is a mix between the three previous causes, combined with the idea that if he cuts off all relationship with you, he is not going to be able to move on.

What about Whatsapp?

Although they are all social networks, Twitter, Instagram and Facebook are not the same as Whatsapp and Telegram. The first three are networks that we could consider biographical, that is, in them we publish our status, our photos, share content and posts. On the other hand, Whatsapp and similar networks are more used as instant messaging networks. Yes, we can share photos and content, but the main use is to have conversations.

It is relatively easy to block a person on biographical networks, especially to prevent them from accessing more revealing content.It is relatively easy to block a person on biographical networks, especially to prevent them from accessing more revealing content, such as photos with their new partner. This is done, as we have said before, either to prevent us from seeing it or because they do not want to be tempted to see our photos.

However, things are different with instant messaging applications, since they are more personal services and the place where practically the entire history of our relationship can be found: messages of good morning love, good night baby, photos of all kinds (including erotic ones) and, especially in the most recent messages, the chronicle of a not-so-pleasant outcome.

Deciding whether to remove our ex from Whatsapp or not is a very complicated decision.It depends on the use given to this network along with how the breakup is being handled. It is said that maintaining contact with the ex-partner, even if it is in the form of keeping in touch just in case, is something that can inhibit the process of overcoming the breakup. That is why it is generally recommended to break contact even in this way.

It is especially advisable to do this if we are one of those who do not stop reviewing again and again the very long conversation we have had with him or her. This can bring back pleasant memories, but also tense situations, especially the most recent messages. This can generate a lot of emotional pain, being unable to leave the past and behaving, also in a very pathological way, as supposed detectives trying to elucidate at what point the relationship went wrong, and if we can do something to get back.

As a final point, deleting the phone number, whether he or she has blocked us or not, is highly recommended. This is because it will prevent that, when we find ourselves a little down or emotions are not at the surface, we call him/her, tell him/her that we regret everything half crying, asking in a thousand and one ways, all of them humiliating, to return. The best thing to do is to put distance and time, and the best way to achieve this is to break off communication, especially if there was too much tension..

If that person has to come back, or wants to solve things when there is calm, everything will come in due time. What we cannot do is to be obsessed by whether it has blocked us or has stopped blocking us, nor should we trust that miraculously everything will be solved. Life is a river whose waters know that they are going to end up in the sea, but they do not know how the path will be. Love is like the sea, it will come, whether it is going back to our ex or dating a new person.

Bibliographical references:

• Blight, M.G., Ruppel, E.K. & Jagiello, K. (2019). "Using Facebook Lets Me Know What He is Doing:" Relational Uncertainty, Breakups, and Renewals in On-again/ Off-again Relationships, Southern Communication Journal, DOI: 10.1080/1041794X.2019.1641836.
• Fox, J., & Tokunaga, R. S. (2015). Romantic Partner Monitoring After Breakups: Attachment, Dependence, Distress, and Post-Dissolution Online Surveillance via Social Networking Sites. Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, 18(9), 491-498. doi:10.1089/cyber.2015.0123.
• Lukacs, V. (2012). It's Complicated: Romantic Breakups and Their Aftermath on It's Complicated: Romantic Breakups and Their Aftermath on Facebook Facebook. Electronic Thesis and Dissertation Repository.