My ’I’ as a consequence and cause of my suffering

Our way of being and behaving is based on a process of adaptation to the world.

Our "I", what we call "personality", is always the result of our Biological and genetic character and our life experiences, from gestation in the womb to adulthood.Our "I", what we call "personality", is always the result of our biological, genetic and life experiences, from gestation in the womb to adulthood.

Indeed, from the fetus itself, the neuro-biological conformation of our brain will be molded through the interaction of our biological characteristics, with their corresponding genetic load, with the environment in which we land in the world and the relationships that we establish in it, especially with the most important figures, our caregivers.

This enormous adaptive effort will always be aimed at cushioning pain and distress as much as possible.. Our brain, at the neuro-biological level, and therefore our "I" at the psychological level, will always be the result of a survival effort, whatever the environment in which we grow up, more hostile or more welcoming.

Obviously, depending on the hostility of the environment, we will develop one type of attachment or anotherThe end result of the equation will be a personality, masterfully designed to survive in the "world" that has been given to us.

This process is neurological and biological, and in it, our genetic base also plays a determining role. A visual brain, with cross left-handedness, is not the same as a structured, formal brain with a tendency to recurrent thoughts.

The formation of the "I" is linked to its history.

In any case, we do not choose our caregivers, nor do we choose the genetic tools with which to cope with the primordial experiences of our life. of our life. Obviously, the type of relationship our caregivers establish with us is crucial in this process. But this is not the subject of this article, so we will not go into details about the conformation of attachment types.

What is important in this sense is that in this always unfinished process of neurobiological and psychological development, our "I", our "interpreter" of the reality that will accompany us until the end of our days, is taking shape. We will already have a secure attachment, or an ambivalent or avoidant attachment, or even a disorganized attachment. We will have already developed different survival tools such as the search for affection, control, emotional disconnection, generalized alertness, etc.

It is useless to qualify this result as good or bad.. It is the result of an adaptive effort and as such, the "way" with which our brain, biologically speaking, solved the problem of survival in its development. From this point of view, this result is always adaptive. Another thing is that, with time, in the adult reality, this "I" or the absence of it, is dysfunctional. This is what we call pathology.

In other words, what was useful in childhood, especially for survival, sometimes becomes dysfunctional for the serene and mature confrontation of the adult reality.. For example, a personality secondary to maltreatment in childhood is very likely, later as an adult, not to "understand" that the environment is no longer hostile, that it is already safe and will constantly misinterpret innocuous signals as threats and friendly environments as hostile.

The "I" resulting from the abuse in this case, is not prepared for affection and affectionate relationships. And what he most needs and longs for, will often be what causes him the most fear, entering into an unsolvable emotional equation with the subsequent devastating and enormously painful consequences.

For that reason in Vitaliza we adapt different techniques for the approach of the trauma in its most complete context. And among them, this course/webinar: "My Self, consequence and cause of my suffering. Repair of adult attachment" scheduled for this month of September (Tuesday 15th and Thursday 17th) where we will learn to recognize both the biological and experiential part of our "I", so that we can name what happens to us and consequently understand how in many occasions I myself am the cause of my suffering (vitaliza.net/en/agenda).

This learning, this giving meaning to my experience, will open an unprecedented path for me when approaching any therapeutic intervention, since this will start from a complete acceptance and a deep knowledge of myself, which will in turn enable a conscious maturation of my person at all levels, breaking loops, molds and limits that until now have been unapproachable.

Author: Javier Elcarte, neuropsychologist and founder and director of Vitaliza..