My partner doesn’t like my family: possible causes and what to do

Let's look at the probable causes of your partner not liking your family, and possible solutions.

Does this thought often come to your mind: "my partner doesn't like my family"? Do you feel that you are in a constant war between your family and your partner? Don't despair, in this article we bring you some key ideas to improve the relationship between your partner and your family.

However, first we will discuss three possible circumstances (or causes) that could be occurring along with this situation, and that may help you better understand why.

"My partner does not love my family": possible circumstances.

You think the following: "my partner does not love my family", but you do not quite understand why. There are many causes (or circumstances) that could explain it.But here you will find some quite frequent ones that could occur in your case.

So, why doesn't my partner love my family? What circumstances may be accompanying the situation you are living? Let's take a look at some of them:

1. Your family does not like your partner.

One of the possible circumstances surrounding the fact that your partner does not like your family is that your family does not like your partner either.

This, obviously, is often noticeable, and it may happen that your partner notices that your family doesn't like him/her, which in turn causes a a certain distancing between the two parties, or even theor even the emergence of conflicts. In other words, it may be that there is no feeling between your family and your partner, and that this "dislike" is mutual.

2. You have nothing in common

Another possible circumstance surrounding the issue is that, quite simply, your family and your partner have nothing in common, your family and your partner have nothing in common..

This can make your partner feel lazy to attend family events, or they may not feel sympathy for them at all because they have never connected in any way. Thus, the lack of common interests can lead to a situation like the one we discussed.

3. Your partner is not enough for your family

It can also happen that your family thinks that your partner is not good enough for you (good enough, intelligent enough, rich enough, whatever). That is, they think that you deserve something "better".

Couples end up noticing this, which may cause your partner not to feel sympathy for your family either, and directly "not to love them", because these thoughts towards her logically make her feel bad (feeling in turn (feeling, in turn, "little" for your child).

4. Your partner feels that your family is too intrusive.

Some in-laws are more "intrusive" than others in the emotional realm of their family members, i.e., parents who interfere a lot in their children's relationships, and others who give them more freedom, more of a free hand.and others who give them more freedom, more of a free hand.

In the first case, it may happen that your partner feels overwhelmed by the interference of your family in the relationship, and that this overwhelm is the reason why he/she does not want to be with your family (or directly "does not want it").

How to improve the situation?

If you constantly feel this feeling or thought that your partner does not like your family, maybe it's time to consider some changes in your life, and to get down to work to change the situation..

It should be clear, however, that it is essential that both you and your partner really want to change this situation and improve your partner's relationship with your family. In other words, there must be real motivation and interest. Without this first step, it is impossible to change anything.

We will divide this section in two: in the first one, we will talk about guidelines or key ideas that your partner can put into practice to improve the relationship with your family (usually your parents), and in the second one, about guidelines or key ideas that you can put into practice yourself.

1. Guidelines for your partner

When you think that your partner does not love your family, you should also consider the following: how can he/she help to change the situation? (besides yourself). Always in the case that she wants to, and that this way is that this path is focused on improving your relationship as well, if it has been affected by the situation.. Here are some guidelines:

1.1. Talk to your family

A first idea is that directly, your partner talks to your family. You can simply approach her little by little, to find out if there is any underlying problem or conflict that she is unaware of, or ask directly.

Depending on the circumstances and trust, you can probe into these issues or ask directly if they have a problem with her.. It can also be a good opportunity to bring positions closer together, empathize with the other party, listen to each other, understand each other, smooth out differences, etc.

1.2. Organize an activity together

Another idea is for your partner, or both of you (with you), to organize some activity or event to share time together. The ideal would be to develop it in a warm, pleasant and relaxed atmosphere, so that conflicts do not arise and you can talk naturally about things.

2. Guidelines for yourself

If you want to take control of the situation yourself and act, here are some tips that may help you:

2.1. Talk to your partner

A first step you can take is to talk directly with your partner about the situation; about how you feel about it, what you think, how it is affecting you, how she is experiencing it, etc. Find a good time to do this, and to be able to share feelings, thoughts or beliefs about the current situation.

Surely your partner also needs to "let off steam" and express his or her concerns and needs in this regard.

2.2. Talk to your family

In addition to talking to your partner, it may also be it may also be important for you to talk to your familyDo they feel uncomfortable with your partner? Do they not like it? Do they feel that your partner rejects them? How do they experience it?

These are just some of the questions you can ask your family, directly or indirectly. The goal is for your family to understand that both your partner and her are important to you, and that you don't want your relationship with her to harm your relationship or family dynamics.

Choosing between family or partner?

It's one thing to feel "my partner doesn't want my family," and it's another, which goes much further, to have to choose between your partner and your family. If this has not been raised by either party, you do not have to raise it yourself, at least not a priori.

Ideally, you should be able to maintain both relationships and one should not be incompatible with the other.. In the end we are human, and people, talking, understand each other. However, if things get too ugly, or if there is great tension between your partner and your family (and you have already tried everything), maybe it is a good time to think.

It is not necessary to be radical and decide between "one thing or the other", but it is necessary to you can perhaps consider distributing your time between both facets of your life, in an equal way, and without your partner having too much contact with your family.You may want to consider distributing your time between both facets of your life, in an equal way, and without your partner having too much contact with your family. We are talking about extreme cases, but sometimes they happen.

Bibliographical references:

• Albuquerque, J.P. (2017). Family, family conflicts and mediation. Editorial Ubijus. Mexico.
• Villaluenga, L.G. (2006). Mediación en conflictos familiares: una construcción desde el derecho de familia. Reus Editorial. Madrid.