My partner has left me... where do I start?

A review of the reasons why the breakup of a relationship hurts, and guidelines for what to do.

A relationship breakup is one of the most painful experiences that exist.How to overcome such a situation? Where to start?

The following article sets out the main reasons why breakups are so difficult to manage, as well as the factors on which the suffering experienced depends. It also gives several keys to be able to begin to rebuild our life and cope with it in the best possible way..

Why does a breakup hurt so much?

A breakup of couple constitutes a mourning. That's right, even if no one has died, it is an important loss..

Grief will depend largely on the personal characteristics of the partners and the nature of both the relationship and the breakup.

If we are the person who has been left, feelings of inadequacy, emptiness and low self-esteem are also likely to appear. Especially if the relationship has also been built on the basis of the dreaded emotional dependency.

What do we lose in a breakup?

A breakup is painful because it is a loss in many ways.

1. Loss of a person who is important to us

We lose someone who is important to us, so we will miss this person. we will miss this personBut we also lose a project for the future together.

2. Loss of future plans

If the relationship had progressed, it is usual that plans for the future have been made. When the couple breaks up, these schemes are also broken. Thus, our idea of the future is suspended and feelings of disorientation and emptiness may appear, our idea of the future is left in suspense and feelings of disorientation and emptiness may appear..

3. Loss of a role

In addition, we lose an important role. When we are in couple, we must not forget that we are such a person, but we are also the partner of. After the breakup, we lose this role.

4. Loss of relationships with other people

On the other hand, we lose contact with people involved. In more than a few cases, bonds are shared. People from your ex's environment who end up becoming important people in your lifeFriends, in-laws...

5. Loss of quality of life

Sometimes, we lose quality of life. It may happen that our wallet suffersWe live in a society where being in a couple is more economical. Maybe you were living together as a couple, so after the breakup, the expenses fall back on you alone.

What can I do to get over the breakup?

Keep in mind that going through the mourning is necessary.. Many times, especially at the beginning, when the emotional Pain is more intense, we would like to be able to sleep until everything stops. But this, besides not being possible, is not convenient either, why? Because grief has to be experienced in order to be able to turn the page.

1. Find out about the stages of grief

Sometimes, emotions alternate so quickly that we feel we are losing control of our emotionsSuddenly I am very sad, later I feel angry, the next day I feel a great vertigo for my future...

Understanding that what you are experiencing and what you feel is normal is very important. It relieves an additional burden that has to do with worrying about whether I am experiencing a setback. Every emotion experienced has a reason: for example, sadness helps you to process what has happened and to surround yourself with your people.

2. Practice contact 0

This part is complicated, but necessary if we want to turn the page.

Try to ask your people for helpAsk them not to talk to you about your ex, avoid bringing up the subject, do not contact your ex, get rid of his or her things or ask someone you trust to return them for you, keep everything that reminds you of that person so that you do not see it, etc.

You must help your brain process that the person is no longer a part of your life. Keep in mind that your ex is like a drug to you right now, so it's important to make it as hard as possible for you to fall off.

3. Stop asking yourself why?

Human beings need answers. We spend our lives wanting to know even what hurts us.

After a breakup, it is normal to ask why? Why did she leave me? Why did it have to end like this? Why me?

In the absence of information, we fill this void with stories that often make us feel worse.. In addition, we obsess instead of looking forward.

Try to realize the next time you are thinking like this and replace it with the question "what now?

4. Focus on your medium-term projects.

The question "what now?" forces you to look ahead..

It may be that you do not have clear your medium-term projects and then, it is about connecting with what excites you and makes you happy to get you going again. Anything goes as long as it keeps you in action: a trip, a volunteer work, a new business idea, a new hobby...

5. Surround yourself with your people

Sometimes feelings of loneliness are very intense. In addition, our personal image may end up damaged. We live as a failure what in reality is an experience from which we will surely learn in the future. Our people will tuck us in and help us to remember how incredible we are..

6. Strengthen your self-esteem

Finally, and in line with the above: any breakup is a hard blow to our self-esteem..

We may have felt that we were not enough. In reality what happens is that you are perfectly sufficient but perhaps, you did not give each other what each of you needed. Think that if this person has let you go, it is because he/she was not the partner of your life.

From now on, your self-esteem is a priority: the sooner you start to throw away what harms it, the sooner you will feel better.

And the other way around, think about what makes you feel good, people, plans, activities... and fill your agenda. Don't wait until you feel better to do what you love!

You'll be sending your brain the message: I'm worth a lot, even if I'm not feeling well right now.

I hope these keys have clarified for you how to start getting over a breakup. If you feel you need help in the process, you can do it from my hand.