My partner is very jealous: what should I do?

Useful tips and ideas on what to do if your partner is very jealous in your relationship.

Jealousy is one of the most common relationship problems. In fact, in some cases to the extreme of psychopathology, and unfortunately, there are not few situations in which they go hand in hand with abuse.

However, if the jealous behavior does not become so severe and constitutes by itself the main problem of the relationship, it is possible to overcome it by taking certain measures. Let's look at it in this article, focusing on this question: what to do if my partner is too jealous?

What are the signs that your partner is jealous?

One of the characteristics of jealousy is that it produces a "self-fulfilling prophecy" effect: it deteriorates the state of the relationship to a point where, if one does not intervene in time, there are real reasons to worry about the possibility of the other person cutting off the relationship. For this reason, and for the fact that the behavior linked to jealousy produces a lot of discomfort in the person who feels controlled or emotionally blackmailed, it is important to detect this problem quickly, because otherwise it is likely that everything will get worse..

Obviously, there are an infinite number of ways to express a problematic predisposition to jealousy. However, some of the most common are the following (although they do not have to occur all at the same time).

• Shows discomfort when you go out with friends and stays home.
• Constantly tries to know who you are texting.
• Sometimes tries to make you feel bad about his jealousy.
• He tests too often the degree to which you are attracted to him.
• Faced with uncertainty and ambiguity, he interprets your actions as a sign that you like someone else.

What to do if your partner is overly jealous?

Here are several tips that may be useful once adapted to each case.

1. Consider whether you are suffering an abusive situation.

The first thing is to be clear that the priority is your physical and mental well-being, so everything must start from this question: am I being abused? Remember that there is not only physical abuse, and in fact psychological abuse is very common, unfortunately.

If you notice that you are suffering the consequences of a spiral of verbal violence or psychological manipulation and that you cannot get out of it as long as you maintain a relationship with that person (since it is the other person who has the power of the situation and poses a threat), or if you simply notice that the attacks of the other person compromise your physical or mental integrity in a serious way, break off the relationship as soon as possible and stop dealing with that person..

2. Express yourself assertively

If you have determined that your partner's jealous behavior does not constitute abuse, you must also let him/her know that the priority is for you to stop suffering such behavior on his/her part: you should not let her be the center of attention when dealing with this situation..

Assertively tell him that you don't have to suffer the consequences of his jealousy and that you can help him, but the ultimate responsibility is his, and it should be a process that he takes care of without having to constantly appeal to your good will, either by asking favors or demanding things from you.

3. Help him to detect and recognize jealousy problems as such.

When he does something that shows a predisposition to jealousy, call his attention to it at that time.at that moment. It is important that you do this just when it happens, so that he learns to associate this kind of behavior with the concept of "problematic jealousy".

4. Help him/her to accept him/herself

Many times, jealousy problems arise mainly from a problem of personal insecurities and low self-esteem. This is what may be happening to your partner. That's why, it does not hurt to reinforce your ability to accept and love yourselfby talking to her about what you like about her. One of the implications of this is that it makes no sense to expect you to go with someone else, because you are not with your partner for arbitrary reasons but because he or she really brings to you what no one else brings to you.

5. Practice guided imagery exercises

This is a resource used in psychotherapy, but you can also try to use it on your own.. It consists of closing your eyes and vividly imagining situations that constitute a challenge or that produce anxiety or stress; it is a way of mentally "practicing" and overcoming fear based on the descriptions and narrations that another person makes.

In this case, you can help him/her as a "narrator" of imaginary experiences that normally make him/her suffer from jealousy, allowing him/her to get used to reacting that way when it happens.

Are you seeking professional psychological assistance?

Problems in couple dynamics can be effectively addressed and overcome with professional psychological support. If you are considering using this kind of services, I encourage you to contact me.

I am a psychologist specializing in the cognitive-behavioral model and I work with adults and adolescents, intervening in cases of dating or marital crisis, problems in the management of emotions, lack of communication skills, and many other aspects that affect emotional bonds and social interactions in general. Sessions can be conducted in person in Madrid, or online via video call.