’My partner only sees the bad in me’: possible causes and what to do

Many people in a relationship suffer from the fact that their partner only sees their faults. What to do?

In the life of a couple, not everything is joy and happy moments. Sometimes our boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse makes comments that don't sit well with us. This does not mean that he/she wishes us any harm, but there are certain criticisms that can hurt no matter how right he/she may be.

It is especially painful when it seems that the person who is supposed to be by our side because he/she likes us only looks at our weaknesses, completely ignoring all the good things that are supposed to be what attracts him/her to us.

If you are one of those people who say to themselves "my partner only sees the bad in me" keep reading because this is the article for you.

"My partner only sees the bad in me": characteristics of this problem.

No one is perfect. There are many things that define us that could be better, both physical and personality aspects, in addition to the fact that on more than one occasion we are wrong. All this is normal and it is also normal that on occasion our partner makes us some criticism, something that far from being taken as very bad does not have to be negative at all, as long as it is communicated assertively and in specific situations.

In any healthy relationship both parties must make an effort to create an environment where they feel at ease with each other, and that is free of any kind of criticism.and that is free of any kind of mistreatment, disrespect and toxic behaviors. Being criticized by someone you love and who is supposed to love you generates a lot of insecurity and anxiety, in addition to making life as a couple very difficult because it is difficult to be affectionate with someone who constantly reminds you of all your faults.

When we spend a long time with someone who constantly focuses on everything that is bad about us and ignores the many good things that characterize us, it is normal for us to engage in the following three behaviors.

1. Avoidance

Avoidance is the most common response when we do not like to have something done to us, as in this case when we are criticized. The problem with this behavior is that it prevents us from solving problems and, therefore, they remain, getting worse as time goes by.

2. Couple's arguments

The frustration that generates us to be targets of constant criticisms causes anger to ariseThis emotion predisposes us to argue with our partner, returning the criticism.

3. Learned helplessness

The person being criticized learns that no matter what he or she does, the result will be the same.. They are trapped in a situation of learned helplessness, seeing that there is no point in trying to solve the problem and end up allowing it to continue, despite the fact that this exhausts them psychologically.

Why does my partner constantly criticize me?

Receiving criticism from our partner at a specific moment, said in an assertive and respectful way, is synonymous with a healthy couple's life. If behind that criticism there is a clear intention to improve as people, it should be seen as a constructive comment, beneficial both for our relationship and for us as individuals, helping us to grow as people.helping us to grow as people. It may feel bad because no one likes to be told they are doing something wrong, but it can help us learn to improve.

However, when they only tell us the bad things we do and there is a clear intention to hurt us, we find ourselves in a very toxic and harmful situation, damaging our relationship and reducing our self-esteem. Among the reasons that make our partner criticize us constantly we have:

1. Insecurity

It usually happens that people with a complex about themselves, far from trying to improve their defects and solve their problems, project them onto others. They feel that they cannot change who they are, so they prefer to detect the defects of others and tell them so that they too can change. and tell them so that they will also be unhappy with themselves.

Lack of tolerance 2.

If our partner constantly criticizes us, it may be because he or she is a person with very little tolerance towards what he or she considers wrong. There are people who do not accept under any frustrating circumstances or the possibility that things are not done well, which causes them a lot of anxiety.which causes them a lot of anxiety.

3. Superiority

They feel above us, believing that they have the right to tell others that they are not doing the right things and that they should be more like them, because they really believe that they are better than most. they really believe that they are better than the majority.

4. Lack of assertiveness

It can that what really happens is that it is not fixed only in our bad things, what happens is that when he tries to talk to us about our defects, he does it with a tone or in a way that seems to be a personal attack..

5. He no longer feels the same

He doesn't feel the same for you anymore or, directly, he doesn't love you anymore. The relationship has been losing strength and what used to be moments of affection and intimacy have now turned into having to be next to someone who can stand less and less every day, which is why he starts to highlight the bad things we have.The relationship has become toxic, which is why he/she starts to highlight the bad things we have. The relationship has become toxic.

6. Lack of empathy

Empathy is a fundamental quality in any social relationship and, if it is lacking, it has a negative impact on the couple's life. Lack of empathy implies not being able to put oneself in the other person's place, not knowing how to interpret other people's emotions and not thinking about other people's feelings. This often becomes synonymous with hurting someone, even if you don't realize it.

What to do if your partner makes you feel bad?

The thought "my partner only sees the bad in me" or other similar thoughts such as "my partner makes me feel bad", "my partner doesn't value me", "my partner only looks at my weaknesses" are valid reasons for concern, which are usually not based on things that are in our imagination. If we have come to think all that it will be for something and, although there is not necessarily malice in the criticisms that our partner makes us, it is clear that they do not make us feel good and that it is necessary to take action on the matter.

Below we will see what to do to try to address this situation.

1. Pay attention

First of all, we must pay attention and see if we are in a healthy relationship, where affection and admiration are present, or we are trapped in a toxic relationship, where the only thing he/she tells us is that he/she is not in a healthy relationship.where the only thing our partner tells us is criticism about how badly we do this and that. We may be in a relationship where there is criticism, but if we can talk openly, without reproach or disrespect, then we should not worry too much.

2. Saying things clearly

If our partner makes us feel bad with his critical and negative attitude, speaking badly to us and only highlighting our defects, it is necessary to talk about it. It is important to say things clearly, make him/her aware of how he/she is making us feel and see how he/she reacts to it..

3. Go to couple's therapy

If the other party is willing to do so, going to couple's therapy is one of the best options to improve the situation. It should be noted that this type of therapy, as its name suggests, is a matter of two and that if one of the two lovers does not want to go, couple therapy simply cannot be applied.

On the other hand, the simple fact that our partner is interested in coming is already something positive, because it means that there is a real interest in the couple's relationship.because it means that there is a real interest in improving the situation or, at least, making us feel better by going to a place that aims to remove toxicity from our relationship.

4. Ending the relationship

Our boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse may defend himself/herself, saying that he/she tells us about our defects because he/she loves us and wants us to solve them. This argument would be entirely valid if it were not for the fact that he/she only sees the bad, damages our self-esteem and is not critical of himself/herself first, trying to overcome his/her own defects which, like ourselves, he/she clearly has.

We have to accept the fact that we will not always be lucky and that our relationship may not improve, continuing the negative criticisms and attacks against us.. As individuals that we are, we must prioritize our own mental well-being and if continuing in a relationship is seriously damaging to the partner, and there is no interest in changing on the part of the other person, the time has come to end the relationship.