New (old) resolutions: why we fail to achieve what we set out to do

Why is it so common to give up on new resolutions and projects?

The Christmas season is approaching and we begin to see what happened in our lives and what we want for the future. Taking stock is an interesting element to take into account and allows us to plan. But... have we really done what we had planned?

On this occasion it would be good to ask ourselves why we did not manage to do what we always promise and to give some clues to achieve it. Human beings are complex beings and there is a part of us, unconscious, with which we fight when it comes to take action. The new year arrives, with it the new projects, and then, as the days go by, we become demotivated and leave them unfinished.

New resolutions: two interesting issues to keep in mind

To begin with, and although it may seem obvious, it is important to remember that all these activities require a lot of work. all these activities require a lot of work.. The illusion arises that magically and almost effortlessly we will achieve a transformation, that just by mentioning it, it will happen.

Saying that we are going to start going to the gym does not produce changes; saying that we are going to learn English will not make us English speakers.

It takes effort, it takes work, it takes putting a part of ourselves into it. Without work capacity applied to it, we will not achieve the desired goal. In order to speak English, we have to attend all the classes, do the homework, complete the exams...; in order to have the figure we want, we have to exercise it: go to the gym a number of times a week, eat healthy, etc. In short, we can have a lot of ambition, but without the ability to work, we get sick..

The counterpart of this (of giving up English or the gym) is the feeling of failure, demotivation and excuses. "What am I going for if I don't see changes," but.... Have we done enough work, do we really want that change, are we willing to transform a part of ourselves? Quickly we will say yes, because we have set our minds to it; but every transformation implies a metamorphosis. Acquiring a sum of practices, of knowledge and this openness to a new universe of knowledge (whatever it may be), implies questioning oneself, rethinking, looking at oneself and being patient with oneself..

Progress towards our goals is associated with effort

When we start something new (an activity, a job) we must learn to be with others, to be willing to learn, to tolerate that there are different people and also to tolerate that we do not know, that we are learning, that we are imperfect, that we have a particular time. This is often complicated.

At the same time, when we start this activity or undertake this new project, everything around us is mobilized.There is an impact on our relationships, on our ties. We bring something new, we have modified something in us: we add new ways of relating, we meet new people, new ways of doing things and our circle expands. This benefits us, and if we are well and wish to continue advancing on this new path, this becomes contagious; we allow this energy to flow around us and others identify with our transformation, transforming themselves as well. However, there may be those who feel offended by the new knowledge we acquire and therefore devalue it, undervalue it and even discourage us.

The importance of the unconscious

Both the failure and the success of a project or activity are linked, in a very high proportion are linked, in a very important proportion, to ourselves, to our unconscious desires.. And this is the other aspect that must be taken into account when reviewing why we do not achieve our goals.

From psychoanalysis we work with the theory of the unconscious and we understand that the unconscious is the force that overdetermines us in each of the actions that we carry out (without understanding from the consciousness why).

This means that, in all our decisions, what will command will be our desire.(there are pleasurable desires and unpleasurable desires; in general, those that produce pleasure in the unconscious must be suffocated because they provoke displeasure in the consciousness, that is the complexity of the subject).

We are subjects of language

Somehow, other people's words condition what we do, and come to endorse, to fit, to give entity to that which (from somewhere) manifests itself in ourselves. Many times this works as an excuse to stop the new thing we are undertaking, that which will transform us. Not everything is negative, many times, it also drives us!

Human beings we are produced through the word. Since we are children we build our Self with identifications, phrases, beliefs that produce us, and in many occasions these are the ones that limit us.

Fortunately, these words can be modified, they can be changed and allow us to construct other meanings, other beliefs that enable us to do more things, that enable us to produce new knowledge. To not get sick.

We have within our reach the tools to be able to build our own path and produce the life we want to live.. Only we set the limits, believing in what we understand as the only truth. Psychoanalysis teaches us that there is no truth, but truths. And it also shows us that everyone lives the life he/she wants, even illness is a way to solve psychic conflicts. An unhealthy formula, but the one found by this subject. That is why it is vital to provide him with words so that instead of getting sick he can talk about what is happening to him.

Reviewing what we did in the past, from the analytical point of view, is of little importance for several reasons: firstly, because we cannot change anything about what happened, and secondly, because what we remember is tinged with subjectivity (they are cover-up memories). What will be relevant is what we do in the future, the next word, the next action..

Let's start the new year not only with resolutions, but also with the will to work to achieve them. The processes of change take time and the path is made only by walking.