Obsessive ruminations in bereavement: what are they and how do they appear?

These recurring thoughts appear in our consciousness again and again after losing someone.

A grieving process is a complex process both psychologically and emotionally, which we face when we lose a loved one (for example in a death, separation...).

Each person lives it in his or her own way, although it is true that many times we need professional help to overcome this vital stage.

On the other hand, obsessive ruminations in mourning occur in many people.. But, what do they consist of? What are their characteristics? How do they appear? Do they have any psychological function? What examples of them do we know? In the present article we will answer all these questions.

Obsessive ruminations in bereavement: features

Before going into the subject of obsessive ruminations in bereavement, let us recall what obsessive ruminations are. These consist of a type of thought of repetitive character, which generates anxiety and discomfort, and which does not allow us to reach any valid conclusion (or to reach any valid conclusion).and that does not allow us to reach any valid conclusion (in short, it is a matter of going over and over persistent ideas).

In mourning processes (when a relative or friend dies, in a separation or divorce, etc.), this type of rumination is frequent.

As for their characteristics, we know that they entail a lack of action in the person who suffers them (that is to say, passivity), as well as a lack of expression of affection.as well as a lack of expression of affections and a loss of the general vision of things (because with them, we focus on a single part of reality).

How do they appear?

How do obsessive ruminations appear in mourning? We know that these are frequently manifested, through uncontrolled and intrusive type of thoughtsThey emerge in the consciousness without our intention and without warning.

The forms they take are: "What if...", "If only I could go back...", "It's all my fault", "If only I had acted differently...", "I can't live without him/her", "I can't live without him/her", etc.

These thoughts appear in the person's mind in a recurrent (repetitive) way, and tell us about aspects, situations or elements of the person's life. speak to us of aspects, situations or elements that our mind still cannot accept.All this is related to three main elements: the circumstances of the death of that person, the relationship we have lost and the consequences of that loss.

How do they act?

Obsessive ruminations in mourning manifest themselves through a tendency to search; that is to say, through them, we explore certain elements or circumstances that (we hope) explain or justify the cause of the death of the person we have lost..

We have given some examples of such ruminations; we also know that many times these take the form of a question. In this way, through them we ask ourselves: Why? How did it happen? What happened?

Obsessive ruminations in mourning are also manifested through a great fixation on the details that accompany a great fixation on the details that accompany the death of that person.Most of the time these details are insignificant or not really important.

Thus, the "little voice" (an alien, imagined voice) becomes constant, asking us, to ourselves: "What if..." ("What if I had not acted like that, what if I had said goodbye, what if I had told him/her that I loved him/her, what if...").

Through these ruminations, we become obsessed with answering questions that, for sure, have no answer.believing that such a response will bring us a sense of relief (when in fact, it does not have to be so).

Focusing

On the other hand, through these intrusive thoughts, we focus on the negative symptoms we focus on the negative symptoms that have arisen as a result of the death for which we are grieving, as well as on the possible causes and consequences of the death.as well as on the possible causes and consequences of the death.

We also focus -and this is very common-, through these thoughts, on trying to understand the reason for the death (we look for a meaning to the death, a sense). The result of all these processes is that we tend to think over and over about things or ideas without reaching any clear (or healing) answer, wearing out our state of mind and our state of mind.This is the result of the process, wearing out our state of mind and our energy.

The obsession of ruminations

On the other hand, obsessive ruminations in grief, as the name suggests, are based on obsession. In obsessions, the experience of reality is mental; what does that mean? That we do not live, but we think about living. Thus, everything is centered in our mind, spinning things around, looking for answers, wandering... without actually putting anything into practice.

In this mental experience, we focus on a specific aspect of our reality (or some of them); in this case, aspects related to the death of the deceased person, or to our grieving process. As a result of all this, what happens is that we we lose the overall view of the situationWe miss a large part of the reality, because of this fixation in analyzing carefully only a part of it (often a very small part of it).

In this way, we lose a lot of relevant information (information that, it must be said, has no meaning or importance for us at that moment). This translates into a loss of perspective and objectivity.and in a fragmented and reductionist vision of what is really happening around us.

Thus, we can characterize (or define) the obsession of obsessive ruminations in grief as a rigid and inflexible cognitive fixation, which does not allow us to move forward in our grief process and which, in addition, hinders a healthy and adaptive process.

Consequences of ruminations

The fixation on only one part of reality, which has as a direct consequence an inaction on our part.In this way, we do not act, we only think (rather than think, we "obfuscate" in certain types of thinking).

To this inaction (or passivity), we add a great feeling of loneliness, characteristic of this vital stage that we are living, and that is mourning.

In this way, people who present frequent obsessive ruminations in mourning tend to tend to isolation.This prevents them from connecting with their environment (this includes the things around them, the people, the landscape...) and with themselves.

Impact on behavior

Obsessive ruminations in bereavement also have an impact on the behavior of the person who is going through this process, which translates into: looking at the ground, talking to oneself (or to the circumstances), losing contact with the environment and with oneself, etc.

Regarding the latter, it frequently happens that the person presents difficulties in connecting with his or her subjective experience and with what he or she is explaining to others.

Psychological functions

However, although obsessive ruminations in bereavement are a somewhat pathological mechanism, it is also true that they fulfill a series of psychological functions. This is so because the mind, although it sometimes plays its "traps" on us, will often have the function of protecting itself (or of preventing us from suffering).

These functions, proposed by Payás (2008), are classified into three main groups: related to the trauma of death, related to bonding, and related to the denial of pain.. Let us see which functions correspond to each group and what each of them consists of:

1. Related to the trauma of death

In this case, the psychological functions of obsessive ruminations are twofold: enhancing predictability (of what will happen), and seeking meaning in death..

2. In relation to bonding

Here we also find two functions: on the one hand, to repair the feeling of guilt, and on the other hand, to continue the bonding (relationship) with that person who is no longer there.

3. In relation to the denial of pain

Finally, in the third group we find the following functions of rumination: they offer a sense of control and stability and stabilize the fragile and dependent ego that we have been left with after the tragic event.

Bibliographical references:

• Freeston, M.H and Ladouceur, R. (1997). Analysis and treatment of obsessions. In V.E. Caballo (Dir.), Manual para el tratamiento cognitivo-conductual de los trastornos psicológicos (Vol. 1, pp. 137-169). Madrid: Siglo XXI.
• Payás, A. (2008). Psychological functions and treatment of obsessive ruminations in bereavement. Rev. Asoc. Esp. Neuropsiq., 28(102): 307-323.