Over-concern about family problems and needs.

Useful tips on how to manage worry in the face of the need to help family members.

It is often normal to feel overwhelmed when trying to mediate between family members who have had an argument..

And much more when we try to help in our family if it is going through a bad moment and all come to us to put us of maximum responsible for that situation, forcing us to give them a masterful answer that solves the situation (and that in addition they like and with which they feel that they obtain from it their maximum benefit).

How to manage worry about family problems?

I want you to stop and think about how up to now you have helped your brother, your mother, or the relative in question. who has demanded (not asked, mind you) that you solve the tie so that his life can be better, or even worse, when two relatives have put you in the middle of the hurricane to help them fix a problem that has happened between the two of them.

Look carefully, at that moment you are putting on the badge of sheriff of the county, and you are taking full responsibility for the problem that occurs. First of all, I want you to pay attention to several aspects.

1. One thing is the duty to help a relative and another is misunderstood help.

It seems to me that if your brother is looking for a car you can give him some advice about stores to go to (this would be the duty to help), but you would be giving a misunderstood help if you told him which brand and model to buy. The key here would be to give the tool for the other to achieve happiness.Do not try to give him what you think is his happiness, as you would be anticipating his emotions and imposing your own, and when this happens we fall into arguments.

2. Tunnel of time

I ask you to be cautious with the feelings you feel and to stop and think about what happens to you in front of those toxic emotions when they are happening. Stop them right there so as not to go through bad processes and enter that tunnel that starts with a simple discomfort and ends up leading you to martyr yourself for, supposedly, being a bad family member. STOP, don't go down that road.

3. The tyranny of the shoulds

I want to you to change the "shoulds" to "I would like to".. For example, replace "my sister should have called me" with "I wish my sister had called me". That will help you rationalize everything better.

4. You have your rights

You have the right to your free timeYou have the right to be disconnected from WhatsApp, you have the right, in short, to your personal space.

The importance of setting boundaries

It is also important to set limits so that you do not exceed them.. First of all, you must know that after so many times you have had a bad contact with them, you already think that all the times they call you will be due to negative things, so you are going to be with a loaded gun. I suggest these key points.

1. I don't have to return a call at the exact moment they call me back.

For example, it is recommended that you adopt this mentalityIf I'm driving and they call me, I'll finish driving and call them back" (not to be confused with special situations such as a family member's operation or other health issues, please).

2. Not every time they contact you, it is to express something bad.

You have to understand that in many occasions a simple phone call may mean a doubt that may arise to the other person at the moment.

3. You deserve your free time

No more going out for a walk with friends and thinking "what are they doing" or "I'm having a good time, and they are having a bad time". You have to understand these thoughts as automatic, and they are little they are little tripwires that your brain puts in your way.. Nothing is going to happen because one day you want to disconnect. You deserve it!

4. Your responsibility is not infinite

By this I mean that if you have helped a family member and you see that he/she continues with the same way of acting, ask yourself if it is really you who should help him/her; maybe it would be better to propose another specialist or take another position.Perhaps it would be better to propose the help of another specialist or take another position.

5. Calling once a day is enough

You are not obliged to be always on the lookout. If they have a problem they know where to turn, they have your number, and you'll be happy to help them.. If fortunately that person is not experiencing any problems at home, don't try to find them yourself by calling insistently.

Concluding

Obviously you must know that there are problems in the family that need more concern than others; I do not want you to confuse my words and think that I am telling you not to pay attention to sick family members or those with serious problems; these key ideas are simply to address those cases of emotional dependency that we sometimes create based on being based on being attentive to family members who unfortunately are a bit toxic.

Can I help you?

In my professional career, apart from helping patients with depression problems or problems derived from the relationship with their partner, I am also dedicated to mediate in problems that may arise in the family environment or to help you control those negative feelings generated by dealing with them. Do not hesitate to contact me.

I work adapted to the current times, so our appointments can be given via video call.