Passive-aggressive behavior: its 10 characteristics
How to recognize passive-aggressive behavior? Let's look at their ways of expressing hostility.
Aggressiveness is a basic trait in many of the animals that populate the earth. Most commonly it is a range of acts motivated by fear and/or anger, but other realities may also be involved whose purpose is connected with survival itself (such as sexual dominance, territoriality, etc.).
It is, therefore, a phenomenon that is usually projected outwardly and becomes very evident at the moment it is expressed. It generates in others an objective physical harm, or has a dissuasive intention with respect to situations that are interpreted as hostile or dangerous (gestures, intentions, threats, etc.).
In humans, however, aggression can take much more subtle forms, which are not detected with the same speed and whose purpose is to cause less obvious (but equally severe) damage than that indicated so far.
In these cases we speak of passive-aggressive behavior, a phenomenon that makes use of our cognitive skills and abilities to veil hostile social actions whose consequences have a painful impact on emotional life. In this article we will address this interesting issue in detail.
What is passive-aggressive behavior?
The passive-aggressive behavior was contemplated, some years ago, as part of a structured personality disorder and with own clinical entity. Despite this, in the editions of the DSM subsequent to the third edition, it was excluded to avoid the possible overdiagnosis that it seemed to precipitate. Since that time, and up to the present day, it has been considered as a trait that accompanies cluster B personality psychopathologies (especially narcissistic, borderline and antisocial), although they do not always occur together.
These behaviors are of a non-verbal nature, although sometimes they can also take on the weight of explicit words, or be pregnant with a sordid anger hidden behind the mask of their fragile fiction.
Thus, even silences can express a sharp edge, or become the weapon with which to dig into emotional wounds. Anger is the most frequent internal state, although people choose not to reveal it to others, thus translating into a form of psychological abuse that severely damages those close to them and erodes the quality of the bond.
Passive-aggressive behavior does not aim at the resolution of conflicts, but has as its objectives ambiguous expression of emotions and the production of some silent grievance.. However, it could only be considered truly pathological the moment it becomes consolidated as the most common social dynamic in interpersonal relationships. Let us see, in more detail, what it consists of.
Most important characteristics of passive-aggressive behavior
Below you will find some of the basic characteristics of passive-aggressive personalities. Not all individuals who exhibit them fulfill their totality, but a pattern is usually presented that combines them in a particular way for each case.
1. Passive resistance and ambiguity
It is common for the passive-aggressive attitude to be accompanied by what is known as passive resistance.. In this case, the person would be in full agreement with what is suggested, and might even willingly accept such requests for help, but would then act as if he or she were really opposed to them. He may ignore the corresponding responsibility or proceed in a deliberately clumsy way, so that the final result would be insufficient or counterproductive. In such a way, he would show his disagreement with the original request made to him, but without communicating it openly.
This ambiguity has an intentional character and seeks to drag the other into a realm where unpredictability or absolute absence of control reigns, extending an opaque veil over the true intentions. That is why complaints about such a situation are subject to a twisted reply, since the passive-aggressive subject resorts to the detachment of responsibility with excuses such as: "I tried with all my energy, but it could not be".
2. Feeling of incomprehension and lack of appreciation
People who frequently display passive-aggressive behavior often make constant statements about feeling misunderstood by others, or use all kinds of emotional blackmail to obtain the benefit they seek. Among them, it is common to accuse others of lack of affection, or to draw burdensome comparisons in which others are involved, such as "you treat everyone well except me" or "why don't you love me anymore?". With such an attitude, toxic and intentional, they intend to manipulate the affection of the interlocutor.
Those who are subjected to these practices may end up feeling guilty for things for which they have not the slightest responsibility, which affects their own self-esteem (until they understand the true motivations of the other and relativize their effect).
3. Sullenness
Hostility is a central characteristic of passive-aggressive people. It stands as a harsh, impolite and insensitive attitude that is deployed when they perceive themselves to be upset during their interactions with others. It is commonly triggered by criticism, and its objective is to generate an uncomfortable atmosphere in which to provoke a "turn of events" that benefits them or reverses the burden of the "accusations". That is, it seeks to make others recognize that they have gone too far in conveying their dissatisfaction.
As one lives with these people, and especially if the proximity began during childhood, it is very likely that the ability to interact assertively (exchanges through which one defends one's rights while respecting those of others) will be reduced.
4. Disdain for authority
Passive-aggressive individuals have enormous difficulties in recognizing authority in others, because it is very difficult for them to recognize authority in others.This is because it is very difficult for them to tolerate the imposition of rules other than those they choose for themselves and others. This trait is aggravated during adolescence, a developmental stage in which there is often an oppositional response (reactance) to hierarchies and power, although in this case it is maintained with the same intensity upon reaching adulthood. Thus, they do not distinguish well between respect for the rules by which life in common is governed, and obeisance in the face of oppression.
It is very common for this way of feeling and acting to cause a wide variety of problems, ranging from maladjustment to the context of work or academic life to the risk of sanctions for disobedience to legitimate authority figures.
5. Envy
Envy is also a frequent trait for the case in question, and interacts very closely with the other traits described in this list. Although they may congratulate others on their accomplishments and be delighted to know them, they harbor within themselves a negative emotion as a result of these (and in particular of not being able to own them or consider them their own). At times, they come to minimize the relevance of such other people's merits and to emphasize previous failures, or even the risks that in the future they may not be able to achieve them.or even the risks that they may be diluted or unsuccessful in the future.
They may also accuse others that their success was due to external factors, unrelated to their effort and ability. For example, they tend to emphasize the contribution of chance, luck or the very demands of the task ("it was so easy").
6. Complaints about bad luck
The pitiful/pessimistic tendency is common in people with a passive-aggressive attitude. An attitude characterized by self-disgust and the desire to be pitied by others, for which they do not hesitate to proclaim any misfortune that has befallen them as the root of what they can be reproached for. They tend to make others believe that their failures have been caused by external factors, such as fate or fortune, and even blame others for having boycotted their efforts to achieve what they resisted.
Thus, they rarely acknowledge their mistakesThey rarely acknowledge their mistakes, although they do make a point of highlighting those of others. That is why they often say of themselves that they are sincere people, even though they ignore (or degrade) all the good things that those close to them have or do.
7. Oscillation between defiance and repentance
Although the attitude in question is usually characterized by the expression of veiled violence, sometimes those who display it relate in a quarrelsome and belligerent manner (as if they enjoy navigating in an environment clouded by conflict).
They frequently strive to engage those close to them in sterile wars, which they unhesitatingly fuel through noxious comments and the leaking of secrets they are entrusted with ("I'm going to tell you something, but don't say I mentioned it to you"). As time goes by, they tend to be considered as people who "can't be told anything.".
At the very moment when the tidal wave of the conflict is resolved, and those involved analyze why, they may end up allying themselves against the passive-aggressive person who motivated such a hostile situation. When asked for explanations, the most common response is to deny all the facts and generate alternative versions (including lies). Finally, when they are placed in a scenario from which there is no escape, they opt to beg for forgiveness and promote feelings of pity.
8. Self-sabotage of the work he/she does not feel like doing.
Something very common, intimately associated with the passive-aggressive trait, is the sabotage of all activities that respond to an external demand. In these cases, when one demands something that one does not really want to do, an attitude of hindrance appears which makes the demanding subject despair.. Forgetfulness, slowness, poor collaboration and even procastination are deliberate responses intended to motivate a succinct form of aggression: hindrances in work/academic responsibilities, delays in shared projects, etc.
On other occasions, what the subject intends is to generate a prejudice that frees him/her from all responsibilities for the future, since he/she would no longer be trusted and could devote his/her time to activities that interest him/her.
9. Protest that other people make excessive demands and tendency to over-argue.
In order to free themselves from responsibility, they sometimes accuse others of making too many demands, to the point of overtaxing their coping resources. As a result, they may they may report that they feel "stressed" by the activities they have been given, even though there is no evidence to support this claim.even though there is no reasonable evidence for this complaint. When the motives behind such refusals are explored in depth, they allude to a string of disjointed arguments, behind which the reality is hidden: to exercise a form of covert aggression (to deprive them of the help they need or to stimulate dependency).
10. Obstructing the efforts of others
In addition to not participating in the efforts that are articulated for the achievement of a common goal, passive-aggressive persons can exert violence by making it difficult for others to succeed in their own tasks.
All this could be done through direct (but subtle) "actions", or through attacks on the emotional waterline (discouraging, sowing discouragement, sowing seeds of violence, and so on). (discouraging, sowing insecurities, increasing the demands of a task, promoting events that hinder the dedication of the necessary effort or time, etc.).
The aim of all this would be to prevent the success of others, to generate a veiled prejudice and even to stimulate an unfortunate situation in the one who is the object of their latent aggression.
Bibliographical references:
- Hopwood, C. and Wright, A. (2012). A Comparison of Passive-Aggressive and Negativistic Personality Disorders. Journal of personality assessment, 94(3), 296-303.
- Kaplan, R. and Norton, D. (2005). The passive-aggressive organization. Harvard business review,83(10), 82-92.
(Updated at Apr 14 / 2024)