Paz Holguín: "We must anticipate that this Christmas will not be the same".

Psychologist Paz Holguín talks about how to manage Christmas in times of COVID-19.

For the first time, for the first time, we are going to spend a Christmas holiday in which we are immersed in a global pandemic pandemic like never before.

This has logistical implications when it comes to trying to continue with the traditions of these dates in which much of the country participates, such as Christmas markets, performances, street parades, etc. However, the COVID-19 crisis also affects that part of Christmas that is more intimate, small and familiar. To learn more about the psychological effects that Christmas can have in times of coronavirus, we interviewed psychologist Paz Holguín, a specialist in treating emotional problems.a specialist in treating emotional problems in people of all ages.

Interview with Paz Holguín: how to face Christmas in times of pandemic.

Paz Holguín is a psychologist expert in cognitive-behavioral therapy, and sees patients of all ages in her office located in Las Rozas and also through online therapy services by video call, especially useful in times of COVID-19. In this interview she talks to us about how the health crisis can mark our Christmas.

Why does celebrating or not celebrating Christmas influence the emotional well-being of many people?

Well, in the end, it has a lot to do with how these holidays have been lived and perceived at home since we were little, with how we live them from the adult phase or with what we like.

If we live these dates understanding that it is an obligation to be with family, that it is an obligation to give gifts, that it is an obligation to have dinners with friends... and we are people who do not like these types of activities, Christmas will be a time that emotionally generates discomfort and discomfort. On the contrary, if we enjoy these activities, it will be a time that helps us to feel good, to disconnect and to enjoy.

Is it usual that spending the Christmas holidays alone negatively affects even non-Christians, if they live in a family where this religion is historically professed?

Obviously it depends on the specific case but, in general, Christian families live these dates in a very special way and this is learned in the bosom of the families. The importance of being together and giving thanks, whether or not one professes the same spiritual belief, leaves an important mark on all the members of these families.

Human beings need to be able to predict what is going to happen in their lives in order to be able to adapt adequately, and uncertainty generates anxiety, fear, despair, anguish, etc. The uncertainty that marks this year of pandemic may be intensified at this time, since our travel, meetings and leisure are still in question and it is something that we will not be able to control.

Faced with a situation in which elderly people are the ones who most need to protect themselves from contagion and at the same time the ones who tend to handle computers and smartphones the worst, what can be done to prevent hundreds of thousands of elderly people from feeling lonely during these dates?

It is true that the current situation forces the elderly, and those of us who are at their side, to take security measures to the letter, and that they are the ones who have the most trouble dealing with technology. I think it's a wonderful time to pick up some lost habits that they are very familiar with, including letters.

I don't need technology to communicate with someone, and receiving a handwritten letter with a photograph within the family has an added value that current technological communications don't have: I can smell it, touch it, keep it in a drawer.... Besides, it is a very nice experience to write a letter to the grandparents with the children. I assure you that many of them will be surprised when they see that, by dropping the letter in the mailbox, it arrives at its destination.

Unfortunately there are many elderly people who are alone, so a very healthy initiative on a psychological level, both for the receiver and the sender, is to write to residences giving support to the elderly. This makes them feel that they are not alone and that society thanks them for their legacy and remembers them. There are also volunteer programs in which we help them by telephone, listening to them and attending to them.

We can also help our own neighbors. With little things like going to buy bread for them or walking their pets, we can send them the message that they are not alone.

Given that many people have lost family members during the pandemic and have not even been able to attend a wake or a funeral, is this Christmas a time when we can perform farewell rituals adapted to the circumstances?

Yes. Unfortunately, there are many people who have not been able to say goodbye to their loved ones, nor bury them, and this process dehumanizes an entire ritual that in our society helps us to properly manage this sadness and prevent this grief from becoming chronic. Therefore, creating new rituals adapted to this circumstance can help to start managing this Pain in a healthier way.

If we have not been able to say goodbye to the person, the family can write a letter saying goodbye to the person and then read it, or hold a small ceremony, even at home. If there are religious beliefs in the family or nearby context, a prayer can be chosen and dedicated to the person. Any act that you feel can appease the pain.

What can be done from psychotherapy to help people who feel especially lonely at the approach of Christmas in times of coronavirus?

Probably the best way to help the population is through psychoeducation. Just as every part of society has done its bit in this pandemic, psychotherapists can also support these people.

There are volunteer groups and psychotherapist campaigns dedicated to providing help precisely to this group of people who find themselves alone at this time of year, but perhaps the greatest work we can do is to try to provide efficient and effective resources to the population with our messages.

Giving people minimum resources so that they can also help effectively: teaching how to listen to a person, teaching what not to say (the famous "don't worry") and what to say, teaching how to focus or just helping people to connect with their patience when another person just needs to be heard.

From a more individual point of view, the therapists' work involves trying to give the patient a new meaning from which to look at his situation, to help him understand what he is experiencing from another perspective, so that all the efforts being made by everyone make sense.

And what can we do at the individual and family level, beyond the scope of psychologists' intervention? What advice should we take into account to get through Christmas in the best possible way, adapting to the circumstances?

The first piece of advice is to anticipate that these Christmas holidays are not going to be the same. If at first we understand that we are not going to be able to do what we did at other Christmases, we will have achieved a great part of the work. It is important, because it will allow us to look for alternative solutions to cover the needs we have this holiday season.

For example, if I can't go to my grandparents' house to sing Christmas carols with them, maybe we can go and sing Christmas carols with the whole family so that they can see us from the balcony.

On the other hand, when we live situations of stress or high activation like the one we have now, we tend to forget two things. On the one hand, that at some point this situation will come to an end, and on the other hand, that we have already had distressing or stressful situations in the past, perhaps worse than this one in some cases, and that we have managed to get out of them.

On the other hand, we must try to find a sufficiently strong basis that helps us to give an explanation and a meaning to all the efforts we are making. If by doing things we find a powerful "why", it will help us to control the situation internally and to calm our anguish.

Finally, this is a good opportunity to connect with what Christmas really is and find a new sense and meaning from which we can live it with more joy.