Psychological games: what are they and what are they for?

The importance of this type of games and their relevance in psychological terms.

How many times have you participated or immersed yourself directly or indirectly in psychological games? psychological games?

I assure you that many, and in none of them have you found a good ending. You may be aware that you often fall into the same situations and get the same answers, but you are probably completely unaware of why this is happening to you.

What are psychological games?

Two don't play if one doesn't want to.

Eric BerneEric Berne, psychiatrist and founder of the theory of Transactional Analysis (T.A.) explained psychological games as a dysfunctional form of communication used to cover needs of attention, recognition and affection towards one's own person, although always in a negative way. We speak of games in the form of not funThat is to say, in these, one always loses, which entails an enormous emotional cost, both for the one who initiates them and for the one who joins or participates in them.

In this type of miscommunication, devices are used to manipulate and persuade the receiver, most of the time unconsciously, but used repeatedly until resentment and interpersonal failure appear.

How is the game played?

In any psychological game there is a systematic actionthat is to say, it starts in the Baitwhich is the move made by the first player and then there is a continuity reaction if the other player decides to participate. It should be noted that the first player always wins. To understand more clearly how these games are established, we can use a practical example with the game: "yes, but...".

Person A: I have a lot of problems in my relationship, if we continue like this I don't know how we will end up....

Person B: Why don't you separate?

Person A: Yes, but if we separate, how will we divide custody of the children?

Person B: You can come to an agreement and keep them. You can work out a better schedule.

Person A: Yes, but I have 3 children, I won't be able to manage everything by myself as I should.

Person B: You can look for someone to help you...

Person A: Yes, but it would be an expense that I could not afford.

Person B: "Silence".

This silence offered by person B is the result of the victory of the one who initiates the game.. But still, Person A could finish off the game by adding "You see, I can't split up" In this case we see how Person A has joined the game after hearing the first yes, but... has introduced at this point the new role of "I'm just trying to help you".

Types of psychological games

Psychological games are varied, Berne classifies them according to themes and scenarios, but. we can highlight from power games to sexual or couple games, among others.. The most outstanding ones are always located in marital, life, meeting or office scenarios.

In this case we can highlight Karpman's dramatic triangle contributed by R. Kertész to emphasize the change of theoretical roles that two or more people can follow in the course of the games, in this case the roles of persecutor, savior and victim will give rise to characters of the type "Yes, but..." "Explain your sorrows to me" or "Everything goes wrong for me", consecutively.

Objectives and aims of psychological games

According to E. Berne the three main reasons why a person unconsciously engages in these games are the following:

These are the main reasons given by the author, but in general we could say that they are used in order to manipulate others instead of establishing healthy relationships and to show that one is a certain way in front of others.

The reality is that the use of these games is learned at an early age and then systematically repeated throughout the person's life, until he or she becomes aware of their use and tries to remedy them if he or she observes that these acts are slowing down and damaging his or her life. Most of the games destroy the true personality and increase the vulnerability of the person, they affect most areas of life, consume energy and cause really high levels of frustration, as well as the establishment of unhealthy and degraded relationships, basically bringing discontent and conflictive situations for the individual.

How to detect when we are in front of a psychological game?

Well, frankly if we remain attentive it will not be difficult to discover the first signs of these games, however you can apply different questions to identify them more easily.

Once these questions have been applied we can look for alternative behaviors to prevent or avoid falling into these games.. As long as we are aware of the existence of certain behaviors, it will be easier for us to orient ourselves towards a different situation and avoid certain mistakes.

How can we limit and stop this type of games?

From the psychological point of view, breaking these games is the first step to overcome resistance and obtain healthy and direct situations and relationships with others.

Some games to consider

"Why not...? Yes, but..."

Purpose: The person seeks to be reassured from a child's perspective, approaching the parent's position.

"I'll prove it to you" or "Mine is better".

Purpose: Competitiveness to seek the ultimate triumph.

"Let's you and him fight"

Purpose: The protagonist seeks for others to fight without intervening himself, thus satisfying his psychological stance

"Look what you made me do".

Purpose: To avoid responsibility through justification and "I am not to blame".

"How do you get out of this situation?"

Purpose: The person gets involved in difficult or complicated situations in order to be saved.

Some conclusions...

In short, through psychological games we seek, by means of transactions between the parent, the adult and the child represented in the transactional analysis, to highlight the weaknesses of the other in order to achieve a final benefit.which is never achieved in a positive way.

• To avoid the discomfort to avoid the discomfort that intimacy can cause
• To get others to do what they want to do.
  • How does the game start?
  • How does it continue?
  • What answers do you get?
  • How do you feel?
  • How does the situation end?
  • We must know the dynamics and functioning of games to prevent and stop them.
  • Reflect on the benefits of continuing to play the game or stopping it.
  • Think of alternatives to cover personal needs and deficiencies.
  • Look for mechanisms and tools to use when someone involves us in a game.
The game itself is always a risk for the player. -Gadamer, 1970:149