Psychological keys to overcoming a break-up

Some ideas and guidelines from which to start to overcome the discomfort caused by a breakup.

We are living in turbulent and convulsive times, we have been living a long season in which our lives have been surprised by more or less intense changes that have meant an unprecedented challenge in the capacity of adaptation of many people.

We are not going to compare suffering or situations of discomfort, since there are people who have lost a loved one, or maybe more than one; others have lost jobs, social status, friendships or any other issue that was relevant in their lives. But one of the losses that has increased in this special context has been that of the couple's relationship..

The process of elaboration of the discomfort before the rupture of couple

The first aspect to consider in a sentimental breakup is precisely this idea of loss. As a consequence, a mourning process is triggered, with its typical phases that must be elaborated and overcome. According to Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, the phases of grief are denial, anger, anger at the loss of one's loved one, and grief.are denial, anger, negotiation, depression and acceptance. These stages do not develop in a sequential and orderly manner, but can be understood as a model of grief and loss management through which each person goes through. Other authors add some more phases in the process such as confusion, guilt and recovery as a moment of solution and overcoming the breakup.

When a couple breaks up their relationship, there are many possible scenarios, from the one that reveals that moment as an acute crisis in which a forceful and drastic response is given, to the one that is presented as the result of a slow and prolonged wear and tear in which there are no credible options for recovery.

In between we can find the disloyalty of one of the members of the couple towards the other, interference of bad habits that fill the patience of someone, or a myriad of situations that determine personal relationships.

Be that as it may, the first sensation that many people have is that the rupture dismantles their world, their safe and known universe, and that the breakupThey may feel that they will not be able to go on or cope with certain tasks or challenges, from daily routines, to day-to-day organization, to family burdens, to cite a few examples. The idea of "I will not be able to go on", "I will not be able to cope with everything", "it cannot be that this is happening to me", is accompanied by confusion, doubts, bewilderment and, perhaps, despair. Rarely at the moment of the rupture is it believed that it will be a process that derives in something better, in greater inner calm or in new opportunities to consider life.

We are not going to go into the difficulties involved in the whole process of negotiating the breakup, not because they are not important, which they clearly are, but because it would mean going into something that could be dealt with in another article. What is important is to face that moment, working on detachment and considering that it is necessary to prioritize the personal well-being than getting stuck in the idea of loss.

In many breakups the idea of guilt appears, both for the behaviors that have occurred throughout the cohabitation or relationship, as well as for the decision to leave, and even for the first decision to choose that person as a partner. In spite of the importance of these reflections, they are not very useful thoughts and only serve to feed the depression or anger phase..

Psychological keys to overcome the breakup

Let's talk about actions we can take to soften as much as possible the negative consequences of the breakup and gain some time for acceptance and recovery.

The first thing is to strengthen healthy and correct habits and routines.It is a basic but absolutely fundamental principle to take care of food and rest, and to do some physical activity. Even if it is difficult to sleep or eat, it is necessary to insist on it and, if necessary, to turn to professionals.

The next step could be to to put your priorities in order without neglecting what you need and what is really important to you. Perhaps you are not in the habit of doing it, but it is the moment to dedicate some time to it and to raise things that were relegated for another moment. Redefine yourself as a person, identify your principles and values and decide how to honor them so that they are present in your life.

Seek social relationships and friendships, look for more, try a new activity or recover something you were interested in before. Avoid isolating yourself and nurturing feelings of loneliness and abandonment.. It may be difficult, but insist, because insistence is the basis of many successes in life.

Learn to trust yourself more, to realize that you are the most reliable person for you.You will always be there, for better or worse. And, if you want, if the time comes, reopen yourself to the possibility of meeting another person with whom you can feel special moments again. It may seem difficult, but it is not impossible, you just have to work at it and you can do it with professional support. Go ahead.

Are you looking for psychological help?

If you think you need help to successfully face the process of recovery from a breakup, it is essential that you turn to mental health professionals as soon as possible.

In psychotherapy sessions it is possible to learn how to overcome the patterns of behavior, thinking and emotional management that lead us to become emotionally stagnant or directly feed the problem. To take action as soon as possible, start a psychotherapy process, either in person or online.