Relationships: the 5 most common mistakes in communication

There are several mistakes in communication that are often made in couple relationships.

Communication is one of the basic pillars of any relationship.. Couples are constantly changing and, therefore, being able to express our needs, desires and what bothers us is essential to reach agreements that allow the couple to grow and evolve.

At the end of the day, it is about knowing how to communicate efficiently, knowing how to negotiate and setting limits when necessary. The problem is that no one teaches us how to communicate effectively on a day-to-day basis, and if we add to that the emotions involved in a couple's argument, we have the cocktail for disaster.

That's why, in this article, I want to show you the most common mistakes in communication and how to solve them.. To illustrate these mistakes I will explain them through a simple example: "Most of the time you take out the garbage, it is a task that you do not mind doing from time to time, but you would like your partner to take care of it too".

Common mistakes in communication within couple relationships.

These are very frequent errors in the couple's environment.

1. Generalizing

If you use words like "always" or "never" when arguing with your partner, you are generalizing. To begin with, it is unlikely that your partner will always/never do anything, and if your goal is to get him/her to change his/her behavior, generalizing is only going to make him or her defensive.And when you're defensive, it's hard to negotiate.

What to do? Change the words always/never to specific times: "You never take out the garbage" > "You didn't take out the garbage this week".

2. Recriminate

When you communicate with your partner you have a goal, in the example above "to take out the garbage". How do you achieve that goal? By focusing on it. A very common mistake when a couple argues is to "take out the dirty laundry", you start talking about the garbage and end up with the trash.You start talking about the garbage and end up with "3 years ago you did...".

What to do? Focus on the goal, one thing at a time; otherwise, you will lose sight of your goal and you won't be able to solve anything.

3. Interpret

Don't make personal interpretations of why your partner does or doesn't do something, talk about the facts.. It is common to assume that what is bothering us comes from the partner's personality traits, that it is done with bad intentions or because he/she doesn't care enough about us.

What to do? Change the interpretation to the facts and what you would like to happen: "You don't take out the garbage because you are a lazy person / you don't take out the garbage because you don't care about the relationship and don't collaborate" to "this week you didn't take out the garbage, I would like you to take it out today".

4. Interrupt

Your partner is not going to feel comfortable if when you try to communicate you interrupt them. Everyone should have their own space to express themselves; if this is not the case, it can generate frustration, anger and loss of desire to communicate.

What to do? Practice active listening, allow your partner to give his/her opinion and express him/herself, and do the same. It is important to take turns so that you both feel heard.

5. Avoid

Avoidance can be done in many ways, leaving the room, avoiding eye contact, using silences.... Many people think that if they avoid arguing, the problem will solve itself.We keep all these discussions in a drawer until one day it bursts.

What to do? Use the tools you have learned to have conversations oriented to achieve your goals, avoiding that conversation is not going to solve anything. In the event that at some point you have to stop the conversation, let the person who had to "walk away" be the one to take it up again, so you both know that you will have a good conversation.so that you both know that you will have the opportunity to continue talking about it later.

Summarizing

In summary, the first axiom of communication says: you cannot not communicate. We are continuously communicatingeven if we are silent and looking away. Therefore, it is up to you to decide if you want to communicate as you have done so far, or try to communicate in a more efficient way and improve your relationship, you decide!