Sex: 5 reasons not to have sex

Believe it or not, having sex can also have its downside.

"Sex is the most fun you can have without smiling."

-Woody Allen

Undoubtedly, sex is a source of positive stimuli, of self-knowledgeIt is an activity that releases dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin and helps to increase well-being and self-esteem.

But there are times when sex becomes our enemy, a "chore" that is related as a cause or as a consequence of low self-esteem.

5 moments when sex can lower your self-esteem:

1. Infidelity

The first case is the most talked about since monogamy has been practiced. From Sternberg's perspective of the triangle of love based on intimacy/passion/commitment, it is understood that a couple that shares these three axes should not have deficiencies that make them look for emotions and sensations in another sexual partner.

Infidelity is a hidden action, outside the limits of a previous pact, an attack on the trust of the partner and of course, generates feelings of guilt and in most cases anxiety and a drop in self-esteem as you feel that you are betraying someone you love, so your idea of yourself worsens as you see how you do not demonstrate positive attributes such as loyalty, empathy, sincerity and fidelity.

Did you know that introverts are more likely to be unfaithful...!

2. Sex to raise social self-esteem

Social recognition releases dopamine and endorphin, so a very powerful extrinsic motivation is to perform so that people identify you as a successful individual, achiever, someone who is alpha and many people use sexual success as an immediate elevator of their social self-esteem.

In this case there is also a "reification" of the sexual partner, since it becomes a simple number, a tool to be able to remain at the top of the social pyramid that values sexual success as a merit to be taken into account.

Although it is true that this valuation helps to improve self-esteem, it is a double-edged sword, since you are building a self-esteem based on an external valuation and you will be generating a sexual and social identity dependent on that valuation. That is to say, it is more than self-esteem, "other-esteem"so it is very unsound and makes us captive to the opinion of others, leaving aside our own sexual identity and being slaves to what people expect of us.

Did you know? Self-esteem also has a sexual dimension y is defined as the security or confidence we have with respect to sex..

3. Sex as a way to get affection or attention

If in point two we were talking about the individual who has sex to get the approval of the group, in this case we are talking about people with lacking a great deal of affection and who by experience have learned that in many cases before, during or after sex they get that affection even if it is only for a short period of time.

It usually occurs in cases where self-esteem is very low in addition to having a small social circle or low social skills. low social skills to demand affection from their environment. So to get that affection, they exchange sex for a moment of interest or affection.

This is one of the most tricky cases because the person has to learn to ask for affection from their environment when they need it, to be more assertive in order to be respected and above all to love themselves more. Precisely this profile is the one that most often becomes a "number" in the list of those who use sex to increase their social self-esteem.

Did you know? It is proven that there are tricks to increase self-esteem considerably in a week.

4. Sex addiction

Like all addictionsEvery time you fall into the behavior to which you are addicted there is a drop in self-esteem and a feeling of emptiness and guilt. In addition to a fact that is popularly unknown and is that the sex addict (or hypersexual) has the sensitization so high that the enjoyment is minimal.

Furthermore, this addiction falls into the category of behavioral addictions such as work addiction, internet addiction or risky sports addiction, where the addiction is not to a substance itself but to the substances that are generated in the brain when performing the activity.

As with all addictions, there is a psychic psychic dependenceThe addictive process of addiction is characterized by an increase in tolerance and a withdrawal syndrome. In view of this, having sex as a compulsive activity completely loses its pleasurable facet.

Did you know? All behavioral addictions are related to a low level of self-control, not only behavioral but also emotional. emotional.

5. Sex to avoid facing problems

Another one that has to do with couples. All couples have conflicts. Without exception. Accepting it is a necessity in order to build a healthy relationship. Some of these conflicts are so complex that people find it totally impossible to solve them, even though the unresolved conflict can turn into a ticking time bomb.

Well, many couples mistakenly learn that sex is a patch ideal to cover up this conflict and they consider the argument to be finished with a sex session. As if that sex, because it is pleasurable, means that the conflict has ceased to exist. And, in the most behavioral way possible, they incorporate sex as a regular part of their problem-solving ritual. problem-solving ritual..

In the medium and long term, this has a negative influence on our personal self-esteem, since the conflict that we do not know how to solve will periodically appear in our life as a couple, becoming an element that can directly affect our self-concept.

Did you know that? Couples therapy in a very high percentage of cases is focused on helping couples to improve your communication.